Unkillable

Nate bit back his response. He wasn’t about to be goaded into a fight. If Vas had been on his feet, he would have knocked him on his ass for talking about Jai like that. He caged his eyes forward. He’d said his peace to the higher ups, Vas was worth saving, worth the expense of retraining. He made a mistake in judgment. There would be consequences, and like Jai, there was nothing Nate could do.

“Not all orders are good orders.” Vas repeated. “And the only ones that are back are us. If we don't have that then all we are disposable tin soldiers. I should have fought harder.”

“Not all orders are good orders, but you follow them anyway,” Nate replied, keeping his eyes forward. “Because that’s what you were trained to do. It’s bad enough several of them fell into the hands of terrorists, the survivors were brought onto a black ops site. Did you really think they were just going to walk out of there?”

“I didn't think they would walk out of here in body bags.” Vas retorted. He didn't know why they were so different. “Let's be honest we both knew it was a matter of time before I ended up like this.”

“I know.” Nate said, his voice a little quieter. “You’re not a hellhound. You get attached to everything.”

“Or maybe I don't like leaving my own behind or doing nothing while they go on the chopping block. Maybe I'm okay doing what everyone else won't do.” Vas said, offended.

“Last time, they weren’t ‘your own’. Fuck - they were Erinyes. What are you going to do if you get a kill order? You’re soft, and that makes you worse than dangerous. That makes you useless.”

“Who cares what they're called! We were in a fox hole together, I wasn't going to leave her out to hang and I do the same for you. You don't have to understand it but you could at least respect it.” Vas said it should slump. He wouldn't, Nate couldn't. He was the golden child, everyone knew it and it was nice being that. Why risk that?

“You weren’t in a foxhole together,” Nate said calmly. “You pulled her out of a collapsing building. She did nothing for you in return. You just want to justify your attachment. I was given the order to leave. I left. We rescued five plus the rest of the squad. If I refused to send the squad to sweep for you one more time, everyone could be dead. When I heard you were alive – why do you think I was the one to go pick you up?”

“You assume she didn't do anything in return.” Vas shot back. “I'm not saying you didn't make hard choices and you have a squad to think about and I'm glad it was you that picked us up but you followed orders too easily and one day you're going to be left wondering why you're alone only to realize you're on Hamburger Hill.” Vas said sharply.

“And I’ll die on Hamburger Hill because those were my orders. And you - you’ll be the reason the rest of the unit was killed, because you can’t make the hard choices. I fought them on this. Retraining. Not because I didn’t think you were worth it, but because –” Nate let the words hover in the air. The kid didn’t need to know what the road ahead would be like.

“That always has been the difference between you and me Nate. You think following orders is the harder choice and I think breaking them is harder. If I knew then what I know now? I would have carried Jai on goddamn back if I had to.” Vas said quietly. He couldn't look back at that moment without thinking himself a coward for not stepping up.

“Then you, Jai, and the Erinyes would be dead. And maybe Zane and maybe two other guys as well. You lose sight of the objective. You’re a hellhound. You want to save people, go be a paramedic.”

“I can still keep my eyes on the prize without having to climb the corpses of my squad. Someone had reminded everyone loyalty actually means so-” Vas stopped and stiffened heading the click of the door opening. He and Nate might fight, probably too much but he did not fight in front of people or even squad mates. They may not agree on a lot of things but Vas never would compromise or question Nate’s authority publicly. Vas clammed up as a doctor walked into the room.

Nate kept his eyes forward. “He’s set” was all he said. He’d see people who went for re-training. Vas wouldn’t be coming back the same. They were made to be soldiers. Tank born and raised, trained since toddlers. They didn’t want to hear explanations or excuses. Vas had a good heart, he always did. But the Hounds didn’t need golden retrievers. They needed pit bulls, ready to kill on command. If retraining didn’t work, he wouldn’t be coming back at all.

Vas had white knuckles the sheets and clenched his jaw he could feel his heart speed up as he looked between the Doctor and Nate. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, reminding himself over and over this was the cost. He could do this. It was worth it. Vas would never admit but he was afraid. This was so out of his control.

Nate didn’t breathe until Vas had been wheeled out of the room. Like Vas, he’d seen a lot in his 14 years, and though he wouldn’t show it, the punk’s words cut deeper than he wanted to admit. They had objectives. They followed orders, and if they didn’t - they ended up just like Vas.

Vas gave one last glance over his shoulder as the door closed shut, trying to keep his emotions tamped down. He sucked in a shaky breath.

The Rabbit was safe …

He told himself that over and over. His hand turned the boot strap necklace around his wrist like prayer beads. He would be okay.

He was fucking unkillable.