Not Your Fault

JP with Lorem and Omni:

It didn’t seem right that Vastad could use her at this point to get what was in her head if He didn’t already know. But she knew. Yes she knew as the God had reminded her, ‘life isn’t fair’.

“The Vaux…” she finally got out, forcing away the flood with the sides of her hands. “He spoke of you… and the other Children of the Void… and that the Pillars know where to look now…”

She felt Gonyaul’s embrace slacken as he sat back to take in the information and Voah looked at him panicking, begging, as if he was already leaving, “Please… I would never… not for this… He was able to just… take it out of my head… He said there were no just wars… that we would play a part still… spoke of casualties of war… and and and... sacrificing one to save thousands…”

She was clearly blaming herself internally but trying to convince herself it wasn’t her fault. Even knowing full well his infinite forgiving nature, Voah was still afraid to touch Gonyual, as if he would throw her hands away, but for the moment his arms were still around her.

“Please…” she cried desperately with burgeoning tears brimming again.

This news was perplexing. It caused Gonyaul to pause as if frozen, like the small rodent like creatures he saw in the Odsier planes that would ossify like a statue when a threat was in the area. It was only for a moment though, because it was so unexpected.

Gonyaul’s mind felt like he was drinking from a rushing river regarding Voah’s previous account with Vastad. Now he felt like he was drinking from a waterfall, it was a lot to handle and beating down on his spirits. He had to close his eyes briefly to shut out the extra sensory inputs that Voah and the world were outputting. He needed darkness and a chance to think, to breathe.

He held on to Voah while he breathed, to let her know he was still there with her and not shutting himself out of the conversation. In his mind he was most disappointed with Vastad. The pillar could have come to him if he really wanted such information, not steal it from Voah. Did he not care how it would traumatize her feelings to think she betrayed her beloved? Was Vastad such a coward that he could not confront Gonyaul himself?

Wait! Gonyaul thought. Perhaps Vastad could not come and speak to him? Perhaps, since Gonyaul was not a follower Vastad was powerless to do so. Maybe like how magik didn’t seem to work around him, perhaps there was something about him that befuddled the gods? Or perhaps Vastad was a coward that got others to do his dirty work for him? He wasn’t sure; however, he did know that Vastad mishandled the opportunity to earn an ally today.

Perhaps the god was incapable of behaving in any other way than his nature, as if confined to what he was dictated to be? Could Gonyaul hold it against him if that is all Vastad could do? In addition, if the gods had to steal the information from Voah’s mind, when they could have gotten a much better account from Gonyaul’s, that must mean that there are limitations on what they can do? If they had lost where the Vaux were, then there were limits there too?

Gonyaul tried to console Voah, taking her head into his hands. She was distraught and was refusing to keep eye contact due to the shame overwhelming her and the harsh judgement she must have felt justified to receive. Gonyaul was having trouble getting her attention.

“One time I grow long rabbit ears and swim in river made of honey that was in the sky.” His answer was absurd. That was the point. It was so ridiculous it got Voah to pause and give him a look of confusion. It was just a tactic to try and calm her down to look at him and listen.

Vastad knowing what country to look in was hardly a map to his people. It would still be like finding a needle in a haystack, especially since they had absolutely no connective routes or interactions with the outside world. In addition, his people were not rooted to their location. If need be, due to assessing an oncoming threat, they could pick up and relocate like they did when coming from the forsaken lands. Plus, the Kru’ll jungle was not a tame place, civilized individuals venturing into it best keep their head on a swivel.

And even if they were found, were the pillars intentions evil? Gonyaul preferred they not be found though, his guess based on the past was it would be a terrible outcome in the end. But that was only a conjecture, he didn’t know the future.

With Voah’s face in his hands he smiled. “I do not hold this against you my love.” True to vauxian culture he was forgiving her on the spot and releasing her with a show of grace. “Please be at peace, you have not wronged me or my people.”

If she looked deep in his absorbing eyes, she would see he meant what he said. It didn’t change the reality, or his concerns, but it didn’t effect their relationship or esteem of her in the slightest. In fact, his eyes had a twinkle of admiration in them. Their relationship strengthening in gratitude for her honesty and her obvious selfless concern.