Neurotic Thoughts

The elation from the dreams was quick to fade, taking with it the physiological boost and emotional high. It felt like the tide massively retreating from his vitality, leaving him with a fatigue deficit like a barren ocean floor desperately in need of its return. The pain magnified, his sensitive skin feeling it beyond normative levels. The uncomfortableness also increased, ushered in by a throbbing headache.

Gonyaul groaned. He did his best to try and stifle it, wanting not to appear as a weakling in front of all his friends. He may have successfully clamped down on its volume; however, his facial expression was screaming his agony; it was clear as day even with the bandages across his face.

He had to close his eyes. The concussion made focusing hurt them. In addition, it made the sounds in the room unpleasant as well. Noise seemed to strike the drum of his headache. Yet he didn’t move despite it all. He was so unfamiliar with these type of wounds that he was as stiff as a board and was quite content to not move until they disappeared at the moment.

Aside from the physical trials he was currently enduring, Gonyaul began to struggle with emerging thoughts and feelings. He was trying to breathe through them in order to hold them captive for meditation. In his weakened state, it was overwhelming him.

For starters, he felt anger. A commanding voice in his head was blaming Voah for what had happened. If only she had been content to leave her old life behind. If only she had listened to him. They would be married and living peacefully, instead of the ruination they were presently experiencing. What could have been a fresh start was ruined forever and the same vicious cycle was doomed to repeat itself all over again.

Another toxic voice was stoking the fires of his insecurities and fears; already hissing in his ears of self worth that he was now a disgusting abomination; damaged goods. He bore the sins of violence as marking over his vauxian script; messing up the symbols that they crossed through he was sure. What once was beautiful, now he would be seen as a monster. This last thought reinforced by shalia’s reaction, even though he was not truly aware of how ghastly he looked at the end of the fight.

Furthermore, He was a coward and was nothing but a liability to anyone else. He was a joke.

Gonyaul was trying to keep such thoughts from running away with him, but he just didn’t have the mental fortitude presently to deal with them. Each time he isolated one with his mindfulness another would distract him, or it would skitter away. They each eventually hid where he presently couldn’t find them. Under his calm and resting exterior he was seething and sinking into a depression.

One thing that brought him a respite from the neurotic thinking were the voices he was hearing about the room. Voah and Tarmen he had identified. There was a young girl’s voice he couldn’t place. And then there was Alexis?

He spoke up finally, eyes closed. His voice was quiet and sounded emotionally defeated. It hurt his face to talk and he couldn’t sign because one hand was tightly bandaged and injured; the latter adding to his building anger. “Voah? …. What going on? Alexis and Tar’man here?” He was completely confused on what had happened and was currently happening, aside from a few obvious clues.