Matters of the heart

JP with Lorem and Bandorchu

Gonyaul jerked awake as he started to slide down the side of the wagon’s interior side. He caught himself before falling over completely. He had been meditating for a good forty minutes, even though he had been in the wagon for over an hour, before he unknowingly dozed off.

He was terribly vexed. His meditations took him many places and some of the more pressing issues orbited around a prior internal discourse regarding absolutes and the morality of good vs. evil. Since that day he had continued daily being mindful of those matters. He had come to some conclusions that made sense. He had also come to hypothesize things which led to confusion and would upset the status quo. All of this had been triggered by today’s events.

In this instance his confusion was loud enough to merit outsourcing. Gonyaul took off his meditation wrap and made his way out of the wagon. He saw Alexis, just the person that he thought could help, on camp watch.

He made his way quietly over to her, not wanting to disturb anyone that was potentially asleep. He bowed and signed as he neared, then whispered, “Alexis, I need help. You available?”

Alexis had been looking into the fire she had set up, again utilizing the technique Till had used on Sentinel Island, hanging onto her own thoughts.

Looking up at her friend’s approach, she nodded.

“Pretty sure I’m not going anywhere in the foreseeable future, so yeah.”

Gonyaul initial thought to her reply was, ‘wait, you can see the future?’ But he quickly determined that wasn’t the case, he just didn’t know what that word before future meant. He signed thank you and took a seated deep squat near her.

“I am puzzlemented.” He started, not knowing that wasn’t actually a word. “I be thinking and I come to think new things which make old things seem not true. Need advice and you most like Orohc.”

“I have no idea what an ‘Orohc’ is. But let’s hear it.”

Alexis sat up and gave Gonyaul her full attention.

How to quickly describe an Orohc, he pondered and replied, “Orohc is wise and trusted.”

With cultural terminology now out of the way and her attention freely given to him, upon which he was internally grateful, Gonyaul gathered his first thought to begin.

“I be mind think on absolute morals existence, use good vs evil as start point. Many time I think on this since left home. Not just as exercise but to find true understand.”

He paused, the concept was complex and would be so much easier to explain in his native tongue and hand gestures; which was typical of Gonyaul, his hands absentmindedly would often do sign language when he talked in general.

“I am confident I figured it out, but in doing … I … I contradict Orohc teaching to me. I wrestle with this long time. But find no flaw in my think … my ideas. Make me think that my Orohcs taught me not truths.”

He sighed seriously, “I think, why would they do this? And I think because my people remove self from world, that teaching get twisted apart from real world?”

Alexis tried to follow along her friend‘s trail of thoughts. She gave it a moment, before she had a question of her own.

“Before I try and answer that, would you tell me something? Those Orohcs. What makes them Orohc? How do they become regarded as wise and worthy to teach?”

That was an easy question for him to answer. “Orohc are eldest. They are most learned in past, prove most competent in present and most vision for future. They most good example of how to live so kagim flow through in to out.”

In other words, he was trying to explain that they earn it over a long life in regards to many different areas and prove consistent in solving problems and helping others.

“I see. And have they travelled as you have? Walked among other people, other countries?”

Gonyaul blinked, he had not asked himself that specific question. “Use to long time ago, all over places, before me born. Not anymore. I first I know from home to leave home.”

Alexis nodded to herself.

“Then I think you are on the right track. Their knowledge and experience will certainly work well in the familiar confines of their home. But you are not home. You are in a foreign land that moves at a different pace. And what is tried and true where you come from may not serve as well here. It needs… adjustment. Through your own experiences, because you are the first of your people to face those challenges. No Orohc here that could share his expertise.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle a little as she realized that the same was true for all of them hailing from Helias. They all would have to learn and adjust, before Arcadia ate them alive because they could not be bothered to question themselves.

He nodded a few times processing that. It appeared that what she just told him was just validating something he was already considering. Now that the foundational understanding was established Gonyaul moved onto the main event.

“I think that true. So, now question all things again like when was little.”

He crawled closer and lowered his voice. “I love Voah.” He couldn’t hide the small involuntary upward curve in the corner of his mouth when he said her name. “But me do all things against Orohc teach. One, must love only woman that Orohc Oduokan ….. “ he paused to explain, “maker of match say. No approve have.”

“Two, only must be with my own kind. Three, must avoid inquisition.” It was obvious how those latter two concerns would definitely disqualify Voah, a Mizarian Arbiter.

“If Orohc wrong about truths in some things, because they no longer connect to world, maybe they wrong about others?”

The mercenary frowned. His people had trouble with the inquisition? She stored that information away for later consideration.

“Alright. So I am pretty sure what I am about to say is highly controversial. Naïve, most likely. ‘Cause as much as I personally think it shouldn’t be, scrutinisation from the outside is always a powerful force to recon with. Still. In my opinion, matters of the heart should only concern the hearts involved. No one else.”

She smiled a little.

“The heart is powerful. It may spurn any teaching, any well-meant advice, and quite often common sense. For the better or the worse. If you love her, you love her. No Orohc will change that. Only your own heart can.”

He sat silently for a second staring into the fire. His expression was cute in how he was actively struggling with the excitement of Alexis ‘s perspective, which would validate his actions and feelings, and those of his people which would put a stop to his ‘nonsense’ right now.

He looked back to Alexis. “I not trust I make good reason decision in this matter. I think feelings are making most decisions.” He was concerned that he was letting his emotions run away with him and perhaps he was being foolish to go against his people’s teachings. They obviously had them for a reason. He wasn’t questioning his desire for her, but whether he should actually continue acting upon it.

She smiled gently at him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? ‘Reason is but a feeble whisper when the heart speaks.’, my mother used to say.”

She sighed.

“Heart versus mind. It’s a battle as old as men. It’s your choice to make, my friend. Be sensible and take the save route. Pay with wondering what might have been. Or risk it all although you may crash and burn. No way to discern the superior route.”

Gonyaul smiled and began to stand. He was very glad he came to talk with her.

“Thank you, you give me many good thing to meditate.”

“Would you tell me if I was in danger or if I am doing wrong?” He asked for reassurance.

“Granted that I am able to tell.”

She looked at him with honest affection.

“I can promise you this, though. Regardless of what you choose, as long as it is within my power, I’ll be there for you.”

He mirrored the same look of affection. “Thank you Alexis.”

He bowed and signed to her, “I go think on these in wagon. You please get me when my time to watch?”

“I will. Good night.”

Alexis settled back to look into the flames again, entrusting them with her silent wish that there maybe some happiness in her dear friend’s future.

“Good night”

Gonyaul turned and went to go back and hide inside the wagon. She had give him much to think about. As he walked away there was a spring in his step, energized by the affirmation that in Alexis he had found a true friend that he would cherish always.