Starfly and the Leaf

If it were daytime and under different circumstances, Gonyaul would have stopped to admire his present surroundings. The irrigation methods used in the farming grounds would have fascinated him and captivated his attention trying to figure out how they worked in such an arid environment. Instead, he stopped because he felt his irrigation system springing a leak out of his eyes and watering the exterior of his face. Gonyaul, while remaining on his feet, squatted down into a ball. He was curling up and making himself as small as possible, mirroring how he felt; the staff taking a rest on the ground beside him.

He closed his eyes, his eyelids becoming like angled dams failing to keep the flood waters building behind them from seeping out. He could hear nothing but his own sobs, fears and inadequacy. He thought about how difficult it was to relinquish control and trust Voah enough to make her own choice despite his disagreement. The remedy, he knew, would be found in meditation; however, it was taking a longer time getting there than usual.

Eventually his breathing slowed and his crying faded. He visualized himself as a tiny budding plant that was rooted to his current spot. And then, like a projectile thrown to the tops of the trees, he visualized his perspective leaving him behind. He imagined himself in that fetal position down below in the dark and alone. The framing of himself was angled so that eventually he seemed to be just another black silhouette amongst the silhouettes of the vegetation around him. The picture kept climbing higher and higher, until he was no longer the focus. The city came into full view as the shot widened to take in more and more of Arcadia. He even pictured Voah and Alcuin infiltrating the war camp. He creatively drew reference from the map, and his own travels, reconstructing the known continent as the main character. Ostiarium was the last piece to enter his thinking.

His breathing had slowed, his heart rate as well. He was starting to enter into the Emuy. The continent in his mind's eye began to animate with colors which he felt as the movements between good and evil, prosperity and struggle, as well as joy and despair that were derived from his knowledge and experiences. It all became a level of abstraction that continued to grow. Smaller everything became and eventually Helias came into view. Not long after, both continents were left behind as he continued further from them. His dream took him into darkness.

Then a tiny flash of starlight. Then another. It was like a dark field syncopated with a growing confidence of fireflies mimicking stars. It was absolutely beautiful. He felt present as the lights moved in three dimensions about the void. One such starfly came specifically into focus. It gently hovered about until landing on what looked like a small budding leaf on a humble insignificant looking plant. The focus narrowed in on the starfly and the small leaf. It kept getting closer and closer.

Gonyaul opened his eyes and instead of seeing a starfly on a leaf, he saw his own hands and a previously landed tear rolling off down the side of his palm. He was back.

He wiped his eyes and couldn't help but smile. He was quite fond of imagination. A deep breath later he was back on his feet, with staff in hand, and on his way again. Kagim would flow through him. He couldn't be everywhere at all times. He couldn't do everything in all circumstances. But he could be somewhere and do something. Instead of being pressured by others, he would do it the Vauxian way.