Grief Unspoken

JP with Lorem and Omni

Gonyaul finished tending to the cleaning and wrapping of her arm. He would rest easier now that the wound had been treated with the attention it needed.

Voah’s answer perplexed him. It felt similar to the way she acted in the day or two leading up to her rejecting him. What was she withholding? Why would she feel it necessary to do so? Had he done something wrong to make her feel like she needed to be guarded? These were but a few of the questions circulating in his thoughts.

Sitting back on his heels, Gonyaul rolled up the right sleeve of his robe to expose the bite area on his forearm. The bruising was still a spectacular array of colors and the four punctures still noticeable; however, the colors were shifting to be better looking than the first day and the cuts in the skin were naturally scabbing over. The natural healing process was well underway. He held up his forearm for them both to inspect.

“This land has been harsh, but I don’t think it means be.” He thought out loud. It felt good to be able to speak again with a close to normal voice and without the sandpaper feel in his mouth.

“My arm looks be healing normally despite it all. I am sure yours will too in time. Faster now cleaned.” He wagered she was not used to healing at a regular pace like the rest of humanity.

“What makes me curious, is why different now than then? You say it a blessing from the pillars once before for you faith. You faith has only gotten stronger I think. So why? I confused. Are you say that the reach of the pillars is not everywhere?”

As he finished his train of thought, Gonyaul went to pull more water from the well. Even though his wound wasn’t as bad, he still needed to clean what of it he could.

She started involuntarily biting her fingernails, her hands shaky from exhaustion and nerves. Since the sandstorm and the dog bite, she had really started questioning her choice of leaving the Inquisition. What exactly was going on with her? She didn't want to believe that the Gods had taken away their miracle, reneged on their boon. It had been real all along right? Sometimes these days she doubted her own sanity. But here was Gonyaul confirming it.

Did the Pillars have no power here? The question upset her because she both wanted it to be true and did not. That might mean some other gods or entities had more power.

Was it a test of faith? Or had they rejected her? Abandoned her? It wasn't fair. She saw herself as one of their great champions. But that was moreso in the past. Arcadia had changed her. All of the new people who came into her life had shaped her to something new, their beliefs seemed as true as her faith.

She was deeply saddened, frightened, and lost. Internally grieving. It felt as if she was being punished or rejected by someone she loved dearly, a parental love. As if her mother or father were disappointed in her. As if they led her into the forest and left her there to survive on her own.

But wasn't it the other way around? The truth was that Voah had rejected and betrayed them. No, she rejected the Inquisition! But was their will one in the same? She still questioned that her Gods would provoke the genocide of an entire people just for producing magikal offspring. Hate an entire land without extending a hand and bringing them into their embrace. Did that sadist Margrave Otho have it right? She didn't want to be a part of his Pillars.

She was being selfish again and she didn't want to worry Gonyaul nor let on to it. She wanted to be more like him. To give to others and forget about herself.

There was no way of hiding it. Her mouth trembled and she took in several sharp intakes of breath as she tried to stop herself from crumbling to pieces.

She could only shake her head in response to his question, not knowing how to answer, so she just clambered to her feet and went over to him, lifting his wounded arm and gently planting kisses around the bruised areas.

"Let me take care of you, darling."

She took the skull bucket from him and was about to begin the process of lowering and lifting to retrieve more water. Then she would return, in kind, the care that he had given her.