Fickle Foray vs Great Upheaval

The Astigani man did indeed help the two set up their tent but he was being more than friendly. His subtle flirtations were nearly lost on the Aspect of Hoi as she had her thoughts on pleasing her fiance. With his lingering eyes and smiles, the way he moved, showing off his agility and muscles, he was initiating the silent game that men and women play when they are attracted to one another, like a cock displaying his feathers, dancing the delicate dance of sexual pursuit. In his actions, he was challenging Gonyaul, though Voah wasn't sure he would even notice. She played the game back only so far as to let the man understand she was aware of it.

The tent was low and wide and could allow for wind to flow through. Before turning in, Voah stood next to the tent and looked to the heavens and to the space beyond the stars, into the void. All of her worried thoughts came rolling back to her to meditate upon.

Was Gonyaul a mistake? Was devoting her future to an uncertain and dangerous life with a mysterious man she had scarcely known longer than a season? He wasn't like other men, not so forward and aggressive with his sexuality but she had seen... and felt and drawn out his masculinity and she greatly enjoyed that side of him as much as his more effeminate side that was caring and nurturing.

She had to admit that she desired more of that energy, wanted that loving protector, wanted to know that he would do anything for her, and feel like really she belonged to Gonyaul. Likewise she would do for him. She might have to 'play' a little more with this Atsigani man to draw that out of him... make him forget all about Tiponi. The thought wasn't concrete, but the idea was that she hoped their personalities would dance around one another before coalescing and converge into together into something perfect.

Would her parents approve of her espousal to Gonyaul and his ways? That was certainly questionable but only about his relationship to the faith... Though... if their own story had told her anything, it was that lust is fickle foray and love is a great upheaval that knows no boundaries. It transcends.

Was there room this late in adult life to make mistakes? Was leaving the Inquisition a mistake? If it was, there was nothing she could do to fix that now.

Abandoning her people and her duty? Fleeing to a land where she would be surrounded by magik and new gods?

If not a mistake, was this new path the preordained will of the Gods? Or was she breaking through the barrier in defiance of some grand design? Was she leaving their light, their alignment... 'Pillars, give me guidance...'

For years Voah had been a ship at full sail, plowing forward, churning the waters, making waves, leaving behind those who doubted her in her wake. It made sense that that kind of momentum would have to eventually ease, right? Or careen dangerously out of control to a disastrous end.

In Mizar, through the church of the Pillars, her path had been laid out for her in one direction... the course always charted... driving ever on in fearless motion... but had she ever been at the helm of her life at all? Maybe. But then again, it was as if she was being pulled along on some unseen towline, no control save a dragging anchor to slow things down.

She wasn't Hoi, nor Cambena, and never would she be. She was a just another mortal woman... a ripple in an endless sea... and she was still learning that she could no longer sustain the high expectations she had put on herself.

Arcadia had given her a taste of real freedom to take her own path, as terrifying as that was. But this journey to find new vistas, gain new perspectives, and adapt was greatly in the spirit of her beloved Cambena. Voah questioned the belief that the Goddess of Sea and Storm would condone the complete abolition and utter destruction of magik in all of its forms. That presiding tenet sounded like an imposition into the faith by Vastad worshippers alone, or simply by the fearful victims of magikal terror. More than anyone, she should know that fear and anger to smite. She felt as though there were some secrets of the faith she has yet to learn and that a veil was being slowly lifted on the truth of the inquisition and maleficium.

This new Voah, the one whose eyes had been opened, the one whom had shifted her preference from Vastad to Cambena and cut loose from the moorings that held her ‘betraying’ thoughts at bay, told herself, 'Wild heart... Becalm your enduring wrath... Observe... Evaluate... Push yourself... but don't run yourself aground to ruin.

Check your reach... You don't have to be the Pillars... nor some jewel in a crown... Ease your righteousness. Suppress your rancor... Relinquish your guilt. Learn to accept, learn to forgive.

There is still time to take the helm. Do not be afraid to explore the world and see it as it truly is. Accept that life is not black and white... but many wondrous colors.'

She took a long, deep breath and returned from contemplation, to the camp of the Atsigani.