It's all 'Me Me Me'. P2.

Part 2

“Erm, is that-” he was going to say ‘really necessary’ but Two cut him off.
“Drink up, Al” he said, friendly and smiling again. "Your second cup’s here. Food next." He tilted his head, examining Alex. "You look like you’ve not eaten properly in weeks, you scrawny rat."
Alex frowned, he remembered calling Pancake a scrawny rat once. It didn’t feel very nice to be receiving the insult instead of wielding it.
Two clapped his hands and Alex raised his eyebrows at the ostentatious gesture. Another servant - a boy this time - came in and put a new tray on the table. It was covered in a selection of fruit, vegetables, meat and bread. Despite his growing grump and suspicion towards his possible-prick self, Alex found his stomach rumbling. Two heard it and smiled warmly. “Dig in!” He said, voice suddenly drenched in kindness.
Alex was confused, finding that he suddenly liked him again.

To Alex’s utter shock, Two yanked the servant boy to him, just as he had the girl, kissed him in the same explicit flash-of-the-tongue fashion, and smacked him on the rump as he left too. Well... thought an astonished Alex... at least he knew he wasn’t sexist now - he was equally disrespectful to both sexes.
Two casually bit a chunk out of a huge lump of meat, and paused chewing as he noticed Alex’s shock. “What?” He enquired, mouth full.
Alex closed his jaw and nodded in the direction the boy had departed the chambers. “Um..?”
Alex Two’s face crinkled in good humour. “I told you, it’s different here.
“But… Isn’t it a bit… gay?”
“No. No such thing as gay or straight, they’re just words.”

Hmm. That's what Djede... Jene... Jennifer person, had said.

<snip>he laughed again, heartily this time. “Oho! It is so quaint that you believe in people having a fixed sexuality. You really are an ancient God!”</snip>

“Yeah, well, never was much good with words.” Alex took a piece of bread and mulled things over while he chewed.
“Rubbish, I bet you tell a good story. I know I do.”
“Only to the kids.” Alex looked at his bread in distaste, it was all gritty because there was sand baked into it.
“The kids…” Alex Two sighed. “You know what, I've not thought about them for a while now.”
It was weird how, while it was basically the same, every now and then Two’s voice was just slightly smoother and posher than Alex’s. The way he phrased things was marginally different too. It was almost like he was putting it on. Was he trying to 'better' himself? Or was he just a posery knob-end? And why wouldn't he think of the kids?
“You're sure you’re me?”

“Yep. Don’t stop eating, you’ve hardly taken anything, eat your fill my friend.” Alex Two had hoovered over half the platter already.
“All right.”
It was weird to hear himself refer to someone as his friend, even if it was himself. "You gonna tell me what's going on then?"
“Yeah. You’re here ‘cause I want to protect you from... the others.” He paused to greedily cram more food into his gob. It made Alex feel irritable.
“What others?”
Two belched and undid the top button of his trousers. Alex screwed up his face, hoping he didn’t come across like this to other people. “Seymour and that lot.”
Alex blinked, taken aback. “I thought you said you liked Seymour… You cut your hair for him...”
Alex Two laughed loudly. Alex couldn't tell if the laugh was joyous, or verging on the cruel. “Seymour can't talk, he looks like a dirty old hippy nowadays!" He said, still laughing. "That was ages ago now, I just kept it like this because it makes me look hot.”
Alex’s eyes widened at both the thought of Seymour being like a hippy, and at hearing himself describing himself as ‘hot’.
“Doesn't it, Mereneith?” Smirked the arrogant Two, yanking the girl servant - who'd just placed another platter on the table - in for one of those over-tongued kisses.
Alex sighed - the other man had pronounced Mereneith in an over the top rendering of the native accent, without a hint of embarrassment. He was like a freakin' desert-yuppie. Yep. There was no doubt in Alex's mind now - he was a prick all right.

Prickface was looking at him, the girl still on his lap. Alex wanted to punch him right in his handsome, tanned, sparkly green-blue-eyed face.
“Sorry Al… Bit distracted.”
Alex shuddered. Two didn’t notice and, bored now, shoved the girl off him, a bit too hard for Alex’s liking.

“Anyway, as I was saying, Seymour, and most of the others, don’t like the fact that I work for Ra. They don't like the palace.”
What? Alex had gone off to work for someone else and left the others? That seemed a bit… odd. He was a private person but he doubted he'd leave the Dwarfers for some strangers in a palace.
“Why don’t they others work for... Ra... too?”
“Dunno… they think he’s..."
"What?"
Alex Two let out an enormous belch.
"'Scuse me. The others think hes..."
"Yes?"
"Well" he winced, "to be honest they think he's evil. But he's not that bad really.”
Alex blinked.
Alex Two continued.
“He’s all right to me, I fix up the palace for him and his priesty pals and that, and in return they let me have pretty much anything I want… If you know what I mean.” He leered lecherously across the room at the young servants, making Alex feel very uncomfortable indeed, especially as now he was looking at them properly he realised they were even younger than he’d thought.
He stood up. “Eugh, that’s horrible.”
“What is?”
Two’s self-centredness didn’t allow the thought to register that Alex might have been commenting on what he’d just said.
“You don’t like the dessert? Sit back down, I’ll get Merry to bring you something else.”
“You’ve already convinced me to eat enough for five people, thanks” Alex grumbled.
“Well what’s wrong then?” Alex Two’s brow creased, in an almost bimbo-like way. Alex hoped yet again that this was not how he came across to other people. Gods, maybe Seymour was right - maybe he was stupid.
“Is it addiction withdrawal?" Two asked, either sarcastically or with genuine concern - it was difficult to tell. "The drugs, drink and fags? I’m glad I’m not such a loser any more.” He put what looked like an entire cake on his plate and began eating it with his fingers, getting some of it around his mouth.
Alex sighed. “I haven’t taken drugs for a couple of months. Could do with a smoke though, yeah.” He neglected to mention - or ask for - alcohol again, as much as he wanted to. He was too proud. Plus, he had some in his pack, back in the tent. He could hold out that long.

“It’s been nice to meet you, uh... Alex” he said offering his hand “but I’d better go and find the others now.”
And a drink.

Alex Two wiped the cake crumbs from around his mouth and looked up from the feast - not by lifting his head, but by rolling his eyes upwards to stare at Alex almost through his eyebrows.
“You’ll stay here with us.”
Something about the tone, and the fact the man was suddenly caressing a formidable looking knife, told Alex it wasn’t an invitation. And what did Alex have to defend himself? ... A smeggin' sheet.

Oh great, parallel me is a nutter. Seems nice but is in fact a complete basket case. Figures.

“It's okay" Alex Two 'reassured' "I just wanna keep an eye on you. You seem unwell.”
“I’m fine. We have a doctor...” Alex had a sudden clear mental image of Doctor Jade.
Alex Two slammed a fierce hand on the table. “NO!”
After a moment the smile returned, which was creepy - how could he be so angry and be instantly smiley again?
“You’ll stay. You'll sleep over there. I’ll have someone… check on you.”
Alex simply scowled.

“Sleep well," Two waffled on, seeming to enjoy the sound of his own voice. "I’m off to spend some time with the wife. She’s a bit demanding, you know.” He winked like a best mate, all rage and threats bizarrely forgotten.
Alex inhaled sharply. Wife? " … Jess?”
“That bitch? Uh, no. I… we… have a new wife now.”
Alex goggled in astonishment at this news.
Two gave him another charismatic grin. “Maybe you’ll meet her tomorrow if you’re lucky. Perhaps we'll have a threesome."
Alex gave a shrug of the mouth - he'd had worse offers.
"Sweet dreams." Two continued. "For God’s sake try and sleep well, you need to get rid of those shadows under your eyes, what are you trying to do to our face!?” With that he strode out of the room, noisily and obviously locking the door behind him.

----

Alex lie on the material draped couchy thing he'd been instructed to sleep on, wondering why the other him was such a jerk. He’d likely been through what Alex had been through, but come out… nasty.
Was Alex heading in the same direction? It was a chilling thought.
“Gods I hope not” he groaned, rubbing his aching stomach.
He'd escape in a minute. He just had to... He yawned... Just had to... have a rest first.

---

He woke having slept like a log all night. He decided he might as well stay a bit longer, try and learn more about the danger Two had mentioned and a bit more about... Himself.

Over breakfast – another irritatingly lavish meal – Alex took himself to task.
“You know” he said, munching some sort of pompous and delicious fruit “you think you’re better, but you’re not much different than me. You seem to have plenty of bad habits. You've just swapped a few around.”
He'd seen himself smoking a weird pipe thing when he didn't think anyone was looking, it seemed kind of like an ancient bong but... not. Two was also was clearly oversexed, seemed to enjoy abusing the little 'power' his job gave him - he'd been snapping at his servants all morning - and he ate like (and shared some of the manners of) a pig. And those were only the things Alex had observed in less than 24 hours of knowing him.
“Pfft.” Two snorted at the accusation, shovelling what looked like an entire orange into his mouth.
“I might be fond of the drink, and an addict, and emotionally retarded," mumbled Alex "and all those things you said-”
Alex Two held up a hand, and spoke with his mouth full. “I never actually said you were emotionally retarded…”
Alex cleared his throat awkwardly. Whoops, that must have slipped in from somewhere else. “Right, well, anyway. I might be all those things... but least I’m not smeggin’ evil.”
Alex Two paused his munchings and clicked his neck the same way Alex did when stressed.
“That hurts my feelings, Al. I'm not evil. I’m just…" he cast around for inspiration, his eyes coming to rest on a cloth bag of coins "... ‘differently motivated’.”
“You’re a sick son of a bitch. I’m leaving.”
Without warning, Alex Two leapt crazily across the table and knocked Alex backwards off his chair. Alex tried to get up but his other self was pinning him to the floor. Two was a stone or two heavier which – everything else being roughly the same - gave him a bit of an advantage in the body slamming stakes.
“Get off me you big prick!” Alex thumped at his other self, and they rolled, smashing through the table and sending fruit flying every where.
Two got the upper hand again and sat astride Alex. “I just want to PROTECT YOU” he roared, eyes mad. He was practically foaming at the mouth and Alex was unpleasantly reminded of his own delirious anger, captured on the medi-bay’s security tape.
Suddenly there was a loud smash and Two’s eyes unfocused stupidly, and he flopped sideways off his counterpart, unconscious.

Alex looked up. The female servant – well, slave – had smashed a vase over the other man's head.
“Thanks” muttered Alex, standing up and brushing himself down. “I thought that only worked in films.”
Mereneith smiled and shook her head.
Alex was confused - yeah the other guy had been gropey, but the girl had seemed into it. “Aren’t you and that wanker… You know?”
“Yes” said Mereneith “I am in a side-marriage relationship with him and Ankhkhaf, the other servant” Alex winced – so he’d become an affair-having bastard yet again, in this world. “… And we do love him very much. But you are right, he is a wanker.” Alex snorted. “And he is evil” she continued, “he must be stopped. He calls himself a Master Handicraftsman-"
"So... a Glorified Janitor, then?" Alex smugged, enjoying putting Seymour's put-down to good use.
"Er, yes, I suppose so. He does mend a lot of things. But his real job is doing bad things that Ra orders."
More of an evil henchman than a master craftsman...
"That doesn't sound good."
"No, indeed it is not. Ra plans to harvest your friends’ souls.”
The remnants of the smile plummeted from Alex’s lips. He was too shocked and concerned to even correct ‘friends’.
“Harvest... Their souls?”
“Yes, this will open the gate to another dimension.”
“Well shit, I gotta warn ‘em.”
“Yes, you must.” She nodded to the unconscious, physically healthier but mentally nuttier, Alex.
“He wanted to save you because… Well, you are him." She cleared her throat as if a little embarrassed to be slagging Alex off to himself.
"... He is a very self-concerned man.”
Alex grunted. “Yeah, kinda figured that one out.”

----

Solvay strode out of the palace, dressed in Alex Two’s uber smart uniform. Various people nodded to him or gave him a strange little signal as he passed.
A man in what seemed to be traditional Egyptian clothing with a hi-tech spin, was guarding the front gates. When he saw Alex, he threw himself at his feet. “Oh! Mister Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra…”
“Er… Yes?”
“Your hair, it has grown most long all of a sudden.”
Alex swallowed, he'd forgotten about that. “Yeah.”
“It is most elegant.”
“Thank you. All right, open the bloody gate.”
The man got up and did as he was told. Alex passed through, then turned to look back.
“Hey, Gate Man.”
“Yes Mister Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra?”
“Which way is it to the place with all the white tents again?”
“Erm, that way of course, Mister Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra.”
“Very good. Just checking you were on the ball. Well done.” He fumbled in his – well, Alex Two’s - trouser pocket and found a gold coin. “Here.”
“Ohhh thank you Mister Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra. Never have you been so kind to me before. I shall cherish it like I cherish my newborn daughter.”
Alex gave him a startled glare and headed in the direction the man had indicated, tent-place bound.

“Mister Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra?” It was a different voice.
“Oh what NOW?”
A boy approached, holding what looked like a bridle. “If you are heading on a journey, do you not want to take your camel, sir?”
“… Camel!?”

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