The arrival of Elrond

<snip>
"You knurd yet Phil?"
“Murderers. Traitors. You would call upon them to fight? They believe in nothing. They answer to no one” came the reply.
“Yep it's starting to work. What's next, Niples?”
<end snip>

“Well, coffee is good of course, but I prefer a nice cup of tea.” Seymour said. “Here, eat this teabag.” He pushed a teabag into Phil's mouth, who churned the dry bag over and over on his tongue.
“Gwy giddn't gyou gut it in gwum gwater first?” Phil asked through the teabag.
“Oh, well there's no water left. Mr Solvay here spilled it all, the rest has evaporated because of the heat. It's getting jolly warm in here. Let's get to the cockpit so you can fly this contraption.”

Phil continued to chew the dry teabag as they walked to Legion's control centre, then spat it out onto the floor when he saw how hot the room had become.
“Okay Mr Febuggure, are you feeling Knurd yet?” Seymour asked, holding his face and looking as his pupils.
“Enough to notice that this room's on fire!”
Seymour looked around, the heat was sweltering. The fire had reached the rooms adjacent and underneath them, and flames were starting to flicker out of the computer consoles that surrounded the rooms.
“Yes, I admit the room is a little bit on fire. But you can still do this, we need you to pilot.” Seymour pushed Phil in front of the controls, and the scannerscope showing various objects for them to avoid including several asteroids, a space shark, and their goal the Blue Dwarf, which they needed to get to without crashing into it.
“Are you feeling like L Ron Hubbard yet?” Seymour asked.
“Elrond the Elf!” Phil corrected him.
“I see. Just one more thing then, I found this Infra-Red Bull energy shot. An ingredient Legion was working on, with 5000% caffeine. It should give you wings.... or pixie ears.”
“Elf!”
“Indeed. Bottoms up eh?” Seymour said and poured the shot down Phil's throat.

The transformation was amazing. Phil's ears sprouted sharp points and his hair grew longer, notably two plats down each side of his face. “I AM ELROND! LORD OF RIVELDELL, BORN AT THE MOUTHS OF SIRION BEFORE ITS DESTRUCTION BY THE SONS OF FË ANOR. ARE THESE ORCS I SEE BEFORE ME? BECAUSE THOU SHALT DIE!”
“Okay quiet now, sit down and take the controls.” Seymour said ushering him to the pilot's chair. “Oh wait, but don't sit down.”
“WHY?”
“Because that chair's on fire.”
Phil looked at the controls in front of him. “WHAT IS THIS MAGIC? THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THE THIRD AGE!”

<tag – Can Phil/Elrond pilot us home before we burn to death?>