An ingenious plan

Phil looked at Jay's sullen expression, but was surprisingly upbeat.
"Don't worry jay, for I've brought THIS!"
He whipped out a file from his pocket. "They say you always need a
file to get out of jail right?"
"Yes, except it's an electronic forcefield."
"Oh bugger."
"So..." Jay started, "Why did they throw you in here anyway?"
"I er...nothing.."
"Phil."
"Nothing!"
"Phillip!"
"NOTHING!!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO PHIL?!"
"I might have mooned their president a little bit."
"Why?!"
"Come on! They walk around with their bollocks on show! Surely I'm allowed
to let my ass breathe?"
"Phew..smells like your ass is doing plenty of breathing..." Jay said
holding his nose after a rumbling sound came from Phil's general area.
"Look..." Jay said "It doesn't matter, we need to figure out a way of
getting out of here and finding out exactly what's going on"
"Right"
"Did they take everything from you like the did me?"
"Actually no....they left me with this..."
Phil emptied his pockets, revealing a half eaten cheesw and ham sandwich, a
roll of insulation tape tape, a sausage and a childs face painting kit.
"How's any of that crap gonna help?" Jay asked
Phil just shrugged, as he was doing so, one of the Ffionian guards - in a
batman costume - came to the door carrying food and swiped the security card
to lower the forcefield.
"No funny business alright?" He said, as the field lowered, "Grubs up!"
"Splendid.." Jay said, "Tell me....do you happen to know.." SMACK!
Without finishing his sentence, he punched the guard in the face sending him
down with one blow.
"Nice" said Phil, as Jay waved his hand to try to shake off the pain from
the powerful blow, "But he was gonna GIVE us the food...you didn't have to
mug him for it!"
"No, idiot, I just had an idea how to get out of here...."
"Oh how?"
"trust me..." Jay said, picking up the insualation tape and yanking the
end....
*half an hour later*
Jay stood in front of the cell's mirror, dabbing the last bit of blue face
paint on his cheek. "Perfect" he said
"This is never gonna work y'know" Phil mumbled.
"Of course it will!"
Jay, was know dressed in the guards batman costume's top half and pants,
wearing blue face paint and had attached, using the tape, Phil's sausage,
wrapped in ham slices to his forehead in an effort to emulate the Ffionians
distinctive cranial features. Phil's was stood behind him, their legs taped
together to make two extra-thick legs, and the Batman costume's cape
extended from Jay's shoulders, over Phil to hide him. Phil's arms were
poking through the Second set of arm holes in the costume, making Jay look
like he had four arms.
"Our own mothers wouldn't recognise us!" Jay said
"GOOD!" Phil replied "Cos we look like right tits!"
Jay picked up the swipe card, and stepped forward. Phil, failed to do the
same and the two tumbled to the ground.
"We've gotta work on that..." Jay mumbled.
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