An ingenious plan

Who:- Jay and Phil
Where:- The brig
<snip>
Phil looked at Jay's sullen expression, but was surprisingly upbeat.
"Don't worry jay, for I've brought THIS!"
He whipped out a file from his pocket. "They say you always need a
file to get out of jail right?"
"Yes, except it's an electronic forcefield."
"Oh bugger."
<End snip>
"So..." Jay started, "Why did they throw you in here anyway?"
"I er...nothing.."
"Phil."
"Nothing!"
"Phillip!"
"NOTHING!!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO PHIL?!"
"I might have mooned their president a little bit."
"Why?!"
"Come on! They walk around with their bollocks on show! Surely I'm
allowed to let my ass breathe?"
"Phew..smells like your ass is doing plenty of breathing..." Jay said
holding his nose after a rumbling sound came from Phil's general area.
"Look..." Jay said "It doesn't matter, we need to figure out a way of
getting out of here and finding out exactly what's going on"
"Right"
"Did they take everything from you like the did me?"
"Actually no....they left me with this..."
Phil emptied his pockets, revealing a half eaten cheesw and ham
sandwich, a roll of insulation tape tape, a sausage and a childs face
painting kit.
"How's any of that crap gonna help?" Jay asked
Phil just shrugged, as he was doing so, one of the Ffionian guards -
in a batman costume - came to the door carrying food and swiped the
security card to lower the forcefield.
"No funny business alright?" He said, as the field lowered, "Grubs
up!"
"Splendid.." Jay said, "Tell me....do you happen to know.." SMACK!
Without finishing his sentence, he punched the guard in the face
sending him down with one blow.
"Nice" said Phil, as Jay waved his hand to try to shake off the pain
from the powerful blow, "But he was gonna GIVE us the food...you
didn't have to mug him for it!"
"No, idiot, I just had an idea how to get out of here...."
"Oh how?"
"trust me..." Jay said, picking up the insualation tape and yanking
the end....
*half an hour later*
Jay stood in front of the cell's mirror, dabbing the last bit of blue
face paint on his cheek. "Perfect" he said
"This is never gonna work y'know" Phil mumbled.
"Of course it will!"
Jay, was know dressed in the guards batman costume's top half and
pants, wearing blue face paint and had attached, using the tape,
Phil's sausage, wrapped in ham slices to his forehead in an effort to
emulate the Ffionians distinctive cranial features. Phil's was stood
behind him, their legs taped together to make two extra-thick legs,
and the Batman costume's cape extended from Jay's shoulders, over
Phil to hide him. Phil's arms were poking through the Second set of
arm holes in the costume, making Jay look like he had four arms.
"Our own mothers wouldn't recognise us!" Jay said
"GOOD!" Phil replied "Cos we look like right tits!"
Jay picked up the swipe card, and stepped forward. Phil, failed to
do the same and the two tumbled to the ground.
"We've gotta work on that..." Jay mumbled.
<tag!>