Days of the Skye's Past - Part II - Survival

Mathias hadn’t fully recovered when Cyd and Issac got sick. He still had the shakes, the ache ever-present. Snow fell outside, what should have been them playing outside making snowmen, building forts, and having snowball fights was instead Mathias praying they would pull through like he did. When funds were reduced to coins between the couch cushions … he did things he wasn’t proud of.

For the first time, there was food on the table. His finger was still numb and the carbon black having moved further down his hand, Mathias had taken to wearing gloves. “Hey Cyd …” He whispered. “... Ya hungry? Come on … eat something?”

Cyd opened one of her eyes, the other stuck closed by the black gunk which acted like glue to her lashes. “How?” she whispered back. Her eye pleaded with his, she wasn’t sure why it was important to her, just that it was.

“Santa. Duh.” Mathis said with a strained smile, his fingers fumbling trying to wipe the gunk from her face with a warm towel. “He came early.”

Cyd put her hand on his wrist. “Don’t change who you are,” she warned softly. But hunger was hunger, and it had been days since they last ate. Soup never tasted better. Outlooks changed with full bellies, and day by day both she and Isaac made improvements.

Seeing them getting better was better than any Christmas present, with a sigh of relive and it felt like their luck might just turn for the better. Not everyone was that lucky that year but a lot of things did change. Mathias was secretive with his coming and going. Sometimes they go for long periods of time but always return with the things they needed. Bills got paid, barely and there was food, almost always cheap protein block but it was better than nothing.

They actually did manage to have a Christmas, albeit late. Cyd and Mathias pooled credits to get Isaac what his heart was desiring, a skateboard, not shiny, not new, but Mathias swapped out the wheels and bearings and Cyd painted it in vibrant colors. She also insisted he have a helmet, though knee and elbow pads were a luxury he’d have to live without.

Mathias managed to get Cyd a turntable and speaker. Neither in working condition, but somehow he and Isaac rewired them back to life.

As for Mathias, Cyd found a red leather jacket sitting neglected in a thrift shop, and negotiated the price next to nothing. It was torn, the lining shredded, but, like Mathias, it had character. She cobbled it back to life with other bits of coats and clothing they had in the apartment, adding a handful of pockets to the interior.

They sat on a retaining wall of a make-shift skate park watching Isaac as he scooted up and over speedbumps, somehow managing to maintain his balance.

“How?” She asked him again, “Don’t give me some bullshit Santa answer. How Mathias?”

“How what?” Mathias his tone a little defensive passing the jay to Cyd.

“You know what,” Cyd asked, taking a hit. “Where are the credits coming from?”

Mathais sat quietly watching Isaac laugh as he skated. “You don’t wanna know.” He said.

“I don’t,” she agreed. “But I need to.”

“Cyd. You don’t need to. Leave it alone.” Mathias insisted. “Please.”

“You and Isaac, we’re all each other have. Mom just stopped coming home, and we had no where to go, where to look, no leads. If anything happens to you, if you don’t come home, I need to know. I need to know what we, as a family, are into. We’re a team, Mathias, this isn’t just you going on on your own, this involves all of us. “ Cyd reminded him.

“Not with this Cyds, this is me thing. This is me keeping you out of it and the less you know …” Mathias took a long drag. “ … if I don’t come home I won’t be because I'm like our asshole mother leaving you ‘n Issac high and dry. I would never do that Ever.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Cyd agreed. “And I know if you don’t come home, you won’t be coming home because you can’t. But don’t pull some… protect-me bullshit. I don’t need to be protected, but I do need to watch out for you too. That’s what we do. I’d never stop looking for you - you can’t do that to me.”

Mathias let out a long smokey exhale. Reluctantly he held out the joint and not offering it to Cyd but presenting it to her as if it held the answer to her question.

“Weed?” Cyd asked, not fully getting the reference. “Or… “ She looked completely crestfallen as the realization washed over her. “Mathias…” she said, unable to keep the disappointment from her voice, but she didn’t go any further than that. They had food on the table. Lights were on. There were no eviction notes on the door. They were struggling, but they were surviving.

The look and tone. Stung. A lot harder than he thought it would have. He didn't say anything he just passed the jay to Cyd. He didn’t like keeping things from Cyd. There was a time when they didn’t where they had talked about everything. A part of him blamed his mother and another blamed himself. “I told you. You don’t wana know.”

Cyd wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay that she understood, that she knew he was doing what he had to, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t okay. It was dangerous, from the jags, from the users, from the other lowlife dealers. He wasn’t a lowlife, not Mathias. Mathias was smart, he had potential, he was supposed to go to college and get a great job and they’d get out of the sprawl. “But I needed to know,” she replied, just as quietly.

“Know what Cyd? That I deal whatever I can get my hands on? That I’m out all night walking from one hood to the next, one wrong person away from geting shot or pinched?” Mathias said his tone heated. “We got food, the lights are on, we’re warm. Hell, we got presents this year. Can’t we just … appreciate that?”

“We’ll find another way,” Cyd offered weakly.

“What way Cyd? Come on. Who gonna hire a pair kids for anything that's gonna come close to paying more then the cost of a sandwich? Who guna watch Isaac? One of us at least should at least try and finish school. It was hard enough before …” There was a hitch in his breath, the abandonment stung. Not being around was one thing. But abandonment? That was a resentment he would hold on to for a long time. “... But now?”

“I don’t know what way,” she said, “But we can figure it out. If anyone should finish school it’s you. I’ll…” she racked her brain, trying to figure out what she could do.

“You'll what Cyd? Hmm? Cuz I don't have a god damn clue but I figured out a way. It's not best … but it's the best I can do given the circumstances.” Mathias interjected.

“I know.” She admitted. “Just… just until we figure something else out. Promise me.”

Mathias didn’t mean to but he scoffed. “Sure Cyd till we find something better.” he didn’t have high hopes in that department. “Don't you and Isaac have school tomorrow?”

“Isaac does. I’m going to the city, find a job. I can pass for 18.” She told him.

Mathias laughed, really laughed. “Cyd. I love you but you look like your twelve still. You could get away with ordering from the kids menu.” He giggled.

“That’s the best part of the menu anyway.” She told him. “And I’m not going to sit and flunk out of high school while you’re out risking your life.”

“Then don’t flunk out. Also … you bring the homework bring home. I can at least study for the tests.” Matthias snorted. “If I pass and miss half the year what are they going to do? Ding me cuz my attendance is shit?”

“Out of the two of us?” She scoffed back. “You got the brains.”

“All the more reason for you to actually go.” Mathias pointed out with a shoulder bumping her.

“I hate that it’s like this,” she told him.

“Yea I know, not exactly the career path I would have picked. Let face it when you a kid and they ask what do you wanna be when you grow no one is drawing ‘Drug Dealer’ to be put on the fridge.” Mathias snorted.

“It’s just temporary,” Cyd tried to convince herself.”Just until…..” There was no finishing the sentence.

“Yea. Then everything will be hunky dory.” Mathias said with a deep sigh watching Isaac play.

Cyd leaned her head against Mathias’ shoulder. “Someday.”

“Yea, just not today.” Mathias murmured.

“Just not today.” Cyd repeated.