Niples "Personality Problems"

This post brought to you by mostly me and also jack :-)
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Who: Seymour Niples
Where: Blue Dwarf, Jack & Keats Quarters
When: After the BD docked with Luna station
Seymour looked around at the changed he'd made to Jacks room, it now
looked a lot more classy, sophisticated. The recent additions of the
chrome brushed curtain rails made it look fantastic, but something
still bugged Seymour.
He sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands. For some
reason Seymour couldn't comprehend- Jack didn't like the new way that
Seymour had decorated. He knew that Jack was annoyed at having him
here, first Seymour thought he would have been overjoyed- it surely
must be like living with a celebrity, or Royalty! But Jack didn't see
it as a good thing.
Seymour got up and went to find out why Jack had such a problem with
him. He walked off the wreck of the Blue Dwarf and along to Luna
station via a docking-tube. The first thing that hit him was the
smell, the air was fresher, better than the stale air of BD that had
been recycled for got knows how long.
Seymour walked along the promenade, lots of interesting little shops
and stall fronts were all selling interesting little trinkets from
across the human-claimed part of the galaxy. True humans didn't own
very much of the galaxy, or at least anything interesting- so the
trinkets were very dire and the owners were desperate to sell any old
rubbish.
Seymour spotted Jack in a bar in the middle of the busiest commercial
part of the station, he was surrounded by girls and was excitedly
telling them about his rather over embellished adventures, and of
course flexing his muscles to show them how strong and brave he
really is. The girls of Luna station must have a pretty boring life,
Seymour mused, as they mostly seemed interested.
Seymour laughed to himself, if the girls were impressed with Jack now-
what will they think of him when they know someone who is almost
royalty, someone who was actually king once! He walked over.
"Hello ladies, has Jack told you yet that he lives with Royalty? Oh
yes, I'm his flatmate and I once used to be King of England!"
There was a deadly silence as the girls looked at Jack in
confusion. "Who is this looser?" Said a tall blonde girl who had been
previously stroking Jack's hand. "This is your flatmate?" said a
short cute brunette that was sat on his lap. "Are you gay?" asked
another.
"We'll leave you two alone!" said the girls together and all walked
off tutting.
"Seymour!!! Why did you have to come over, I was doing so well!!!"
Seymour waved a finger at him. "Even though we may be flatmates, I
still think it proper for you to call me `Mr Ambassador'. And don't
worry about those girls, women like that are only after one thing-"
"Yes maybe the same one thing that I was after!"
"You do not have to take that kind of tone with me Mr FeBuggure, I
was only trying to help. It pays to know people with power and
distinction you know!"
"Right, for a start, people with power are ok, Mr T had power, and he
was great." Jack began, "but the difference between you and Mr T is
the attitude behind the power. Mr T was cool, when people watched
the A team, they loved it. If you were on TV, they'd laugh at you!
you are a real waste of space, the 'power' and 'distinction' is
wasted on you, whatever distinction is... IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE!!"
"No difference? what do you mean?" Seymour asked, trying to not let
this get to him.
"…I mean, people look at you, and they see the suit, they see the
finely combed hair, and they think 'ponce' and 'pufter' they don't
think 'oh what a well refined gentleman'." Jack looked away for a
second, breathed out deeply, and took a swig from his quicky. "you
may think that people are impressed with your suit, but they're not,
girls aren't always after success, and even if they were, they
wouldn't go for someone flaunting it with a suit! gold chains would
show it." he stopped for breath.
"So you're saying that people would respect me more if i had gold
chains?" Seymour hazarded.
"Maybe, everyone is different, I don't wear gold, jewellery isn't my
style. Its called 'trial and error' try it if you want, you're rich,
but you're not my flatmate when there's hot girls around!" he
finished, and walked back to the group of girls he was around.
"Sorry about that ladies, he has this warped idea that he's stylish,
and is worth knowing. I swear he's not my real flatmate, and I am by
no means gay. I'm not so sure about him though." he informed them,
before getting back to talking of his adventures and flexing his
muscles.
Seymour sulked off. "What the dickens was that about?" He asked
himself. He was confused and didn't quite know if Jack meant that he
should start swanning around the ship wearing lots of gold like BA
Baracus. Although he did get one message through clearly- he wasn't
cool. He wasn't `one of the lads'. Seymour never ever wanted to be,
but now all he really wanted to do was to fit in. All the time he'd
spent in education, reading books, sampling fine wines- the things he
did to distinguish himself from the rest had actually alienated him
from everyone else.
Seymour slumped against a wall in a back ally feeling very alone. If
only there was some way he could change…
His eyes focussed on a small door in front of him. It was badly
scratched and dirtied, but the sign said. "Bored of yourself, fancy a
personality makeover? Have a Personality transplant today, minor
brain surgery- NO REFUNDS!!".
Seymour grinned and went inside. The place was dirty and smelt half
of cleaning fluid and half of rotting corpses. Seymour ignored this
however, stepped over a pan on the floor where an overhead pipe
seemed to be leaking into it, then bounded over to the information
desk.
"Hello good sir, jolly nice to have found this place! I'll have 1
personality transplant please!"
The receptionist, who also looked like the doctor, or possibly a
butcher, wiped his grubby hands on his dirty white/grey labcoat.
"Its an expensive procedure y'know mate."
"Oh that's fine" Seymour handed over a credit card. "Extra special
gold card only for Royal Ambassadors, notice the diamonds on the
edges?"
"Erm… very good sir. By law I have to tell you that this is a highly
dangerous procedure with a success rate of 1/4, with the possible
dangers being memory loss, brain damage, brain disease, cancer, loss
of motor functions, death… and one some occasions we have actually
misplaced human brains."
"Yes yes I understand!" Said Seymour impatiently. "I just want to be…
cool. Yes that's it. I want to be a cool person that everybody will
like."
"Okay then sir, please step this way, your new personality will come
from R/DNA from a hologram disk, I hope that's okay."
"Oh so I'll have a dead persons personality?" Seymour asked.
The man carried on in a long drawl as if he'd had the same
conversation millions of times. "Your own memories will be intact,
you will remember everything you have ever done- but the new
personality should merge with your own and make you more of the
person you want to be."
"Okie dokie" Seymour said excitedly.
"Today's specials that match your description are personalities from
a footballer and teenage surfer."
"The footballer sounds exciting, how did you come across his
personality?"
"He killed his entire family and them himself, his personality files
were acquired by the black market. But he WAS liked by a lot of
people."
"Oh I think I'll go for the surfer thankyou" said Seymour getting
worried.
"Okay, now if you buy this one you get 50 percent off up to 2 other
personalities" the doctor droned on.
"Is it safe to mix personalities? I don't want to end up
schizophrenic or anything."
"Perfectly safe." Said the doctor. "the personalities all blend
together to make you the coolest….'dude' ever."
"Jolly good!" Said Seymour excitedly leaning back in the doctors
chair. "I'll be a …'dude'!"
<to be continued! Thanks for Andy's help for the argument!>