RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] **Actionette** \"Reconnaissance\"

"HERE!" said Chris, slamming down the datapad of information about Blue Dwarf gathered from the recon mission
Jay picked it up and glanced at the first line "Smeggin' 'ell!" he read aloud, he raised an eyebrow and glanced at Seymour and Chris
"Look!" said Chris "It was f##king scary up there alright!!! Next time you want a recon mission done ask Dean!!, Seymour 'ere stank up the place as well!"
Jay looked at Seymour, he had wondered why he'd been walking as though he was carrying a large rockpile in his trousers.
"Thanks guys....we'll read your...'report'...PHIL!"
Phil joined Jay and they went through the data together.
 
***24 hours later***
 
"Ok guys heres the plan" Jay said addressing the humand and gelf pilots and assault teams. "I'm gonna lead the attack from the air, flying the X-wing fighter from Star Wars, the rest of you will be assigned a GELF vessel, a working starbug or one of the theme park ships,  First objective is to get through the Bug's defences and clear a path for the Raven. Dean, your gonna get us inside an assualt team will be aboard the Raven and your gonna do what you do best...."
"Crash?!" Lomaz asked sarcastically
"Exactly" Jay said in response.
"Whu....er...Shall I be quiet Sir?!" Rio said, in stunned reply
"Once the assault teams are inside those of us in the air will pick off the bug's fighters as they emerge."
The crowd nodded, "We launch in 48 hours!" Jay ordered then beckoned Dean to join him.
"Hope you don't mind, but we've made some.....modifications...to the Raven"
"Like what?!"
"You remember 'Thunderbirds'......"
 
 
 
<tag>
[Andy Longman] 
 Original Message-----From: Onion [mailto:theonion770@...]Sent: 24 July 2004 01:12To: JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.comSubject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] **Actionette** "Reconnaissance"
<OOC- This was a JP from me and Chris Harris!>**Actionette** Where: Deep space When: Present Time A dark blue lump of metal floated through space, once proudly christened the Blue Dwarf- this ship was more of a shell of its previous self. Outside the ship looked battered, and various hints of thick cobwebs wrapped the ship's hull, and wove between the skyscrapers on the top section. Inside the ship was far worse, all but bare basics had been destroyed and Hymenoptera scuttled around like ants carting various electrical components and food they'd scavenged. The Blue Dwarf slowly approached a Space Core deep space outpost, which was orbiting a Red Giant star. ----------------------------------------- Where: Inside the outpost There was knock on the outpost commander's office door. It slid open to reveal a lieutenant with a clipboard. "Sir! We've detected an incoming ship!" The Captain looked up slightly depressed. "Lieutenant do you have to inform me of EVERY ship that passes!" "But this is different sir, it's coming straight towards us!" "Alright alright, put it on screen Lieutenant!" The lieutenant pressed a button and the Blue Dwarf appeared on the monitor in front of him. "Oh, its fine. It's just the Blue Dwarf. Their navigator is probably just drunk again, I'll hail them." "Oh hold on sir… somethings coming out of the ship!" "Is it a Starbug?" "Well… it's a bug of some sort… oh, sir, they're firing something at us!!!" Fine streams of spiderwebs covered the small orbital station, then hundreds of small spider-shaped fighters started dragging it towards the Blue Dwarf, and into the Blue Dwarf's forward ramscoop. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Who: Seymour and Olga Where: In the jungle away from the Wedding party When: The morning after Seymour's wedding night Seymour awoke against a treetrunk in the jungle. He jumped up with a start. Olga was semi-layed on top of him, she awoke too. "Where am I? What happened?"  He said. "Ralax my beautiful human alpha-male!" Said Olga. "We took a romantic walk amongst the trees, you were walking pretty fast- I thought you were trying to get away from me! Then we fell asleep by this tree." "Did we erm… consummate our marriage?" "Sadly no" Olga said crossing her hairy arms. "Oh thank god!" Said Seymour. "What?" "Oh I mean… well... we humans pray to gods for…erm… help in pleasing our partners sexually, that's what I was doing!" "Oh that's so sweet!" Said Olga. "So lets see if your prayers work shall we?" "Oh erm… no sorry I'm very busy today, lots to do, people to see!" Seymour got up and started walking into the jungle. Olga followed. Soon Seymour found a clearing and saw the Raven parked up. Lots of crewmen were busy bustling around an array of retro-looking ships. Seymour approached Jay who was stood there giving orders and checking things on a clipboard. "Mr. Chrysler my good man!" "Hello Seymour, how's married life?" Jay mocked. "So, just a question… do you both shave before bed?" "That's not funny Mr Chrysler! Anyway, is there anything I can do? What's going on?" "Efof found these ships, from a theme park that was never opened. We have all sorts of ships from various sci-fi TV shows, all of them were built to fly, so we were thinking of using them to take back the Blue Dwarf. They need a bit of refitting of course, which is what we're doing now." He barked some orders at a subordinate technician. Seymour felt Olga behind him, and really didn't want to be dragged off to her bed again. "Are you SURE theres nothing I can do…anything?? PLEASE!" Jay thought for a moment. "Actually there is something you can do, we need someone to fly a reconnaissance mission to find the Blue Dwarf and assess the area. Remember, its just to see what the bugs have done to it, what defences they have etcetera, so don't engage the enemy, just find it and come back. Plus, you won't have any defences, so you won't be able to withstand much in a fight." "Why? Which ship will I be taking?" Seymour asked looking around. Jay looked up. "Thunderbird 3" "Thunderbird 3?" Asked Seymour in awe, looking up at the orange rocket next to them. "Thunderbird 3?" Asked Olga. "Thunderbird 3!" Said Chris Harris who appeared out of nowhere. "Its only a model!" Admitted Jay. "Okay so you can do this mission as long as you take Chris Harris with you, he's been hanging around here all morning and is frankly getting quite annoying." Seymour mused this, then looked at Olga's ugly hairy face. "Yes why not!" An hour later, Seymour and Chris Harris were strapped into Thunderbird 3 and blasted into space."I warn you seymour, you know as well as i do that i've never flown this thing, we're gonna be in for a bumpy ride" said Chris as they entered the upper atmosphere."Goodness gracious me, you're going over the speed limit Chris, slow down" Exclaimed Seymour as if Chris was doing a thing un-heard of."Seymour, calm down, this is not the M25, it is possible to go above 10 miles an hour"said Chris in reply."Sorry" muttered Seymour, "But i just don't want you to crash, i don't want to get blood on my Jacket, those stains never come out". "I wont crash Seymour, i am not pished" Said Chris, chuckling."PISHED, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN YOUR NOT PISHED MR. HARRIS!!" screamed Seymour."Seymour, can you do me a favour?" Chris said Kindly to the trembling lump next to him for Seymour appeared to be shaking with both fear and Anger."What kind of favour"said Seymour"Calm down" relied Chris"HOW ON EARTH DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN, I AM IN A SPACESHIP, PILOTED BY A CRAZY COMMON DRUNK WEARING A HAWAIIN SHIRT, AND IS CLAIMING THAT HE IS NOT …'PISHED'!!" Seymour shouted, possibly breaking the sound barrier as he shouted."I TELL YOU, IF MY PARENTS EVER KNEW WHAT A BUNCH OF FOOLS RUN MY BELOVED STARSHIP..... I have high expectations of me you know, I was supposed to hit Admiralty at 30." he shouted again, and his face had now turned considerably red, but Chris interrupted him."I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, YOU'RE ONLY A CIVILLIAN, SO I BELIEVE I AM NOW THE OFFICIAL CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL, SO I DEMAND THAT YOU …SHUT THE F**K UP!" Chris replied, now shouting at Seymour even louder if possible."I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH INSOLENCE!!! MY GOOD MAN, I KNOW THE QUEEN, I COULD HAVE YOU BEHEADED!"Suddenly in front they could see their beloved Blue Dwarf. All the arguing stopped, but when they saw what was left of the ship altogether, they were both stunned, and Seymour dropped to his knees and sobbed."My beloved ship, its ruined...." he said, now condensing the windows."Aaaaaaaaaaaagh, there are the inner windscreen wipers, always wanted to try them, number one, be quiet! Look what your doing to the windows, number two, its not your ship anymore mr. civillian, Alotta's the captain!" said Chris"I think we've seen enough, they have no ship defences as far as I can see, there are just millions of the bastard fighters on escort, oh, ........, hang on, ITS GOING TO CRASH INTO THE FREAKING DEEP SPACE SPACE CORPS BASE, WE HAVE TO STOP IT............" he continued.Chris used the inner windscreen wipers to clear the mist that Seymour was causing due to his heavy whinging, only to reveal a rather large bug on the other side of the windscreen."Ahh! They're after us!"Holly suddenly no appeared on the monitor, "April fools"Seymour stared at Holly with relief, "Really?""No, its real, I just thought I'd cheer you both up a bit!" replied holly. "What?!" he said as Chris turned the monitor off, leaving them face to face with the incoming bug again.Chris suddenly jolted the ship forward to the Dwarf, and before he could go back to the planet to land, five overly large bug super ships appeared from nowhere behind them. They were cornered, and Seymour started clinging to Chris' arm."Do something Mr. Harris, for the love of God! Protect your Royal Ambassador!""Get off of me you gay monkey lover!" Chris said, piloting away.At which point Seymour turned the monitor on for some entertainment to take his mind off the situation, and was greeted only by holly singing, "I just cant get you outta my head, boy you love is all I can think about baby, lalalalala", he could stand no more so he turned the monitor off, and reverted back to quivering in his seat."Seymour now is not the time!" Chris said, piloting towards a nearby asteroid field to escape."Hurry Mr Harris! I dont want to die knowing my last ever relationship will have been with a monkey" said Seymour, looking through rear monitors at the chasing Hymenoptera."I'll tell her you said that" said Chris.Thunderbird 3 rocketed towards an asteroid field, with 3 Hymenoptera closing. The first two fired warning shots of sticky web type gunk, that narrowly missed the ship, and covered a passing small asteroid in web. The second fired a larger spray of web that flew straight over the rocket and attached itself to two asteroids ahead, Chris had to swerve upwards quickly to avoid the netting it had created in their path."They're trying to trap us!" Seymour said worried. The two trailing fighters swerved to miss their net, but the last fighter turned too late and slammed into the web, it wrapped around it and caused the ship to spin, loosing control and crash into a jagged asteroid.The two tailing hymenopter fired more webbing between asteroids in front, Chris dodged them spontaneously."Please Mr. Harris do NOT hit any asteroids, you're not flying a robust JMC vessel now, this is only a fibreglass them park replica remember!"The second Hymenoptera behind fired a more concentrated shot of web, aimed at grappling them. Chris turned 90 degrees and it hit an asteroid directly to the side of them instead. The hymenoptera couldn't let go, and as it flew past the asteroid, the web stretched like an elastic band until it retracted, pulling the fighter backwards with great force and slamming it into the cold hard rock."Those webs look very stretchy, that gives me an idea!" Said Chris. He turned around an asteroid, back to where they had come from, still with the last fighter hot on their heels. He flew towards a web that was stretched across two asteroids."Erm… No offence Mr Harris but I don't want to be caught in a spiders web today…""No, that's the thing, we're so light- lighter than most ships right? So we might not even stick to it!"He burned towards the web on full thrust, then turned 180 degrees, so that the engines caught on the web. The web stretched as they flew into it, then tightened like an elastic band, flinging the orange rocket straight past the remaining fighter and out of the asteroid field at breakneck speed."It looks like we lost him!" Seymour said. "I knew that plan would work!""What! It was MY plan!" "Yes yes, lets just see who the Queen believes in my monthly Ambassadorial report!"They headed back to the planet....Protecting the universe from the scum of the Earth...www.BlueDwarf.co.uk-View the Blue Dwarf guide to the galaxy!Your number one resource in all things Blue Dwarf related!