**Actionette** "Reconnaissance"

<OOC- This was a JP from me and Chris Harris!>
**Actionette**
Where: Deep space
When: Present Time
A dark blue lump of metal floated through space, once proudly
christened the Blue Dwarf- this ship was more of a shell of its
previous self. Outside the ship looked battered, and various hints
of thick cobwebs wrapped the ship's hull, and wove between the
skyscrapers on the top section.
Inside the ship was far worse, all but bare basics had been
destroyed and Hymenoptera scuttled around like ants carting various
electrical components and food they'd scavenged.
The Blue Dwarf slowly approached a Space Core deep space outpost,
which was orbiting a Red Giant star.
-----------------------------------------
Where: Inside the outpost
There was knock on the outpost commander's office door. It slid open
to reveal a lieutenant with a clipboard. "Sir! We've detected an
incoming ship!"
The Captain looked up slightly depressed. "Lieutenant do you have to
inform me of EVERY ship that passes!"
"But this is different sir, it's coming straight towards us!"
"Alright alright, put it on screen Lieutenant!"
The lieutenant pressed a button and the Blue Dwarf appeared on the
monitor in front of him.
"Oh, its fine. It's just the Blue Dwarf. Their navigator is probably
just drunk again, I'll hail them."
"Oh hold on sir… somethings coming out of the ship!"
"Is it a Starbug?"
"Well… it's a bug of some sort… oh, sir, they're firing something at
us!!!"
Fine streams of spiderwebs covered the small orbital station, then
hundreds of small spider-shaped fighters started dragging it towards
the Blue Dwarf, and into the Blue Dwarf's forward ramscoop.
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Who: Seymour and Olga
Where: In the jungle away from the Wedding party
When: The morning after Seymour's wedding night
Seymour awoke against a treetrunk in the jungle. He jumped up with a
start. Olga was semi-layed on top of him, she awoke too.
"Where am I? What happened?" He said.
"Ralax my beautiful human alpha-male!" Said Olga. "We took a
romantic walk amongst the trees, you were walking pretty fast- I
thought you were trying to get away from me! Then we fell asleep by
this tree."
"Did we erm… consummate our marriage?"
"Sadly no" Olga said crossing her hairy arms.
"Oh thank god!" Said Seymour.
"What?"
"Oh I mean… well... we humans pray to gods for…erm… help in pleasing
our partners sexually, that's what I was doing!"
"Oh that's so sweet!" Said Olga. "So lets see if your prayers work
shall we?"
"Oh erm… no sorry I'm very busy today, lots to do, people to see!"
Seymour got up and started walking into the jungle. Olga followed.
Soon Seymour found a clearing and saw the Raven parked up. Lots of
crewmen were busy bustling around an array of retro-looking ships.
Seymour approached Jay who was stood there giving orders and
checking things on a clipboard.
"Mr. Chrysler my good man!"
"Hello Seymour, how's married life?" Jay mocked. "So, just a
question… do you both shave before bed?"
"That's not funny Mr Chrysler! Anyway, is there anything I can do?
What's going on?"
"Efof found these ships, from a theme park that was never opened. We
have all sorts of ships from various sci-fi TV shows, all of them
were built to fly, so we were thinking of using them to take back
the Blue Dwarf. They need a bit of refitting of course, which is
what we're doing now." He barked some orders at a subordinate
technician.
Seymour felt Olga behind him, and really didn't want to be dragged
off to her bed again. "Are you SURE theres nothing I can do…
anything?? PLEASE!"
Jay thought for a moment. "Actually there is something you can do,
we need someone to fly a reconnaissance mission to find the Blue
Dwarf and assess the area. Remember, its just to see what the bugs
have done to it, what defences they have etcetera, so don't engage
the enemy, just find it and come back. Plus, you won't have any
defences, so you won't be able to withstand much in a fight."
"Why? Which ship will I be taking?" Seymour asked looking around.
Jay looked up. "Thunderbird 3"
"Thunderbird 3?" Asked Seymour in awe, looking up at the orange
rocket next to them.
"Thunderbird 3?" Asked Olga.
"Thunderbird 3!" Said Chris Harris who appeared out of nowhere.
"Its only a model!" Admitted Jay. "Okay so you can do this mission
as long as you take Chris Harris with you, he's been hanging around
here all morning and is frankly getting quite annoying."
Seymour mused this, then looked at Olga's ugly hairy face. "Yes why
not!"
An hour later, Seymour and Chris Harris were strapped into
Thunderbird 3 and blasted into space.
"I warn you seymour, you know as well as i do that i've never flown
this thing, we're gonna be in for a bumpy ride" said Chris as they
entered the upper atmosphere.
"Goodness gracious me, you're going over the speed limit Chris, slow
down" Exclaimed Seymour as if Chris was doing a thing un-heard of.
"Seymour, calm down, this is not the M25, it is possible to go above
10 miles an hour"said Chris in reply.
"Sorry" muttered Seymour, "But i just don't want you to crash, i
don't want to get blood on my Jacket, those stains never come out".
"I wont crash Seymour, i am not pished" Said Chris, chuckling.
"PISHED, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN YOUR NOT PISHED MR. HARRIS!!"
screamed Seymour.
"Seymour, can you do me a favour?" Chris said Kindly to the
trembling lump next to him for Seymour appeared to be shaking with
both fear and Anger.
"What kind of favour"said Seymour
"Calm down" relied Chris
"HOW ON EARTH DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN, I AM IN A SPACESHIP,
PILOTED BY A CRAZY COMMON DRUNK WEARING A HAWAIIN SHIRT, AND IS
CLAIMING THAT HE IS NOT …'PISHED'!!" Seymour shouted, possibly
breaking the sound barrier as he shouted.
"I TELL YOU, IF MY PARENTS EVER KNEW WHAT A BUNCH OF FOOLS RUN MY
BELOVED STARSHIP..... I have high expectations of me you know, I was
supposed to hit Admiralty at 30." he shouted again, and his face had
now turned considerably red, but Chris interrupted him.
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, YOU'RE ONLY A CIVILLIAN, SO I BELIEVE I
AM NOW THE OFFICIAL CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL, SO I DEMAND THAT YOU …
SHUT THE F**K UP!" Chris replied, now shouting at Seymour even
louder if possible.
"I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH INSOLENCE!!! MY GOOD MAN, I KNOW THE QUEEN,
I COULD HAVE YOU BEHEADED!"
Suddenly in front they could see their beloved Blue Dwarf. All the
arguing stopped, but when they saw what was left of the ship
altogether, they were both stunned, and Seymour dropped to his knees
and sobbed.
"My beloved ship, its ruined...." he said, now condensing the
windows.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh, there are the inner windscreen wipers, always
wanted to try them, number one, be quiet! Look what your doing to
the windows, number two, its not your ship anymore mr. civillian,
Alotta's the captain!" said Chris
"I think we've seen enough, they have no ship defences as far as I
can see, there are just millions of the bastard fighters on escort,
oh, ........, hang on, ITS GOING TO CRASH INTO THE FREAKING DEEP
SPACE SPACE CORPS BASE, WE HAVE TO STOP IT............" he continued.
Chris used the inner windscreen wipers to clear the mist that
Seymour was causing due to his heavy whinging, only to reveal a
rather large bug on the other side of the windscreen.
"Ahh! They're after us!"
Holly suddenly no appeared on the monitor, "April fools"
Seymour stared at Holly with relief, "Really?"
"No, its real, I just thought I'd cheer you both up a bit!" replied
holly. "What?!" he said as Chris turned the monitor off, leaving
them face to face with the incoming bug again.
Chris suddenly jolted the ship forward to the Dwarf, and before he
could go back to the planet to land, five overly large bug super
ships appeared from nowhere behind them. They were cornered, and
Seymour started clinging to Chris' arm.
"Do something Mr. Harris, for the love of God! Protect your Royal
Ambassador!"
"Get off of me you gay monkey lover!" Chris said, piloting away.
At which point Seymour turned the monitor on for some entertainment
to take his mind off the situation, and was greeted only by holly
singing, "I just cant get you outta my head, boy you love is all I
can think about baby, lalalalala", he could stand no more so he
turned the monitor off, and reverted back to quivering in his seat.
"Seymour now is not the time!" Chris said, piloting towards a nearby
asteroid field to escape.
"Hurry Mr Harris! I dont want to die knowing my last ever
relationship will have been with a monkey" said Seymour, looking
through rear monitors at the chasing Hymenoptera.
"I'll tell her you said that" said Chris.
Thunderbird 3 rocketed towards an asteroid field, with 3 Hymenoptera
closing. The first two fired warning shots of sticky web type gunk,
that narrowly missed the ship, and covered a passing small asteroid
in web.
The second fired a larger spray of web that flew straight over the
rocket and attached itself to two asteroids ahead, Chris had to
swerve upwards quickly to avoid the netting it had created in their
path.
"They're trying to trap us!" Seymour said worried.
The two trailing fighters swerved to miss their net, but the last
fighter turned too late and slammed into the web, it wrapped around
it and caused the ship to spin, loosing control and crash into a
jagged asteroid.
The two tailing hymenopter fired more webbing between asteroids in
front, Chris dodged them spontaneously.
"Please Mr. Harris do NOT hit any asteroids, you're not flying a
robust JMC vessel now, this is only a fibreglass them park replica
remember!"
The second Hymenoptera behind fired a more concentrated shot of web,
aimed at grappling them. Chris turned 90 degrees and it hit an
asteroid directly to the side of them instead. The hymenoptera
couldn't let go, and as it flew past the asteroid, the web stretched
like an elastic band until it retracted, pulling the fighter
backwards with great force and slamming it into the cold hard rock.
"Those webs look very stretchy, that gives me an idea!" Said Chris.
He turned around an asteroid, back to where they had come from,
still with the last fighter hot on their heels. He flew towards a
web that was stretched across two asteroids.
"Erm… No offence Mr Harris but I don't want to be caught in a
spiders web today…"
"No, that's the thing, we're so light- lighter than most ships
right? So we might not even stick to it!"
He burned towards the web on full thrust, then turned 180 degrees,
so that the engines caught on the web. The web stretched as they
flew into it, then tightened like an elastic band, flinging the
orange rocket straight past the remaining fighter and out of the
asteroid field at breakneck speed.
"It looks like we lost him!" Seymour said. "I knew that plan would
work!"
"What! It was MY plan!"
"Yes yes, lets just see who the Queen believes in my monthly
Ambassadorial report!"
They headed back to the planet.