*ACTION* Historic re-write part 1

Who:- Eve Rimmer, Dave Canazza, Jasmine Starbolt, Jay Chrysler, Mini-Phil
Where:- Trapped between a hard place, and another very hard place with guns.
 
"Smeg..." was all Jay could manage to utter,
Eve tapped him on the shoulder and pointed over her shoulder with her thumb, Jay turned around, behind them was a battalion of mime's.
"This.....could prove interesting..."  Jay muttered.
 
“Well Mr. Canazza” said one of the clown’s “I wasn’t sure we could trust you, but sure enough they’re right where you said they’d be”.
“WHAT?” Jasmine, Eve and Jay said in turn.
Mini-Phil pulled his finger from his nose, wiped it on a nearby mime’s trousers and went “EE!”
Unbeknown to Jay and the others, Dave Canazza was in fact bound and gagged in the shower cubicle aboard the Inbound Raven. Donald Canazza had joined Jay’s team soon after attacking his double.
“You set us up!” Jay yelled, grabbing Canazza by the collar and slamming him against the wall. 
“Jay we don’t have time for this!” Eve shouted as the Clown’s and the mime’s raised their weapons. “In here!” she said, and barged through a set of double doors, into a nearby equipment room.
Jasmine and Mini-Phil followed, Jay dragged Canazza through with him, once inside he and Jasmine slammed the doors shut and tried to barricade them with whatever they could find.
“It won’t hold them for long!” Jasmine said, “We gotta get outta here”
“Why doe’s everyone I know have a habit of blatantly stating the obvious?” Jay asked, while he and Eve moved a large crate across the doors.
“EEE! EEEEEEE!!” Mini-Phil squealed pointing at a pressure door at the other end of the room, Canazza didn’t waste anytime, he grabbed a space suit from the wall, unseen by the distracted crew and sealed himself in.
As he locked the last seal on his helmet Eve turned away from the barricade and caught a glimpse of him. “What are you doing?” she asked, as Canazza ran, through the pressure door, and activated the lockdown release from the other side, the door began to slide closed and he waved before breaking into a run down the corridor.
Eve darted after him, and slid under the door seconds before it slammed shut.
She got to her feet and chased after him. She couldn’t help but notice that this corridor ran along the outer hull of the ship. Like on the Blue Dwarf each section of the corridor had a pressure door that would seal if the hull were breached, preventing loss of pressure in other parts of the ship.  She holstered her gun, not wanting to risk a hull breach. Canazza, she thought, would just have to go down by good old fashioned beating up by a woman.
 
Jay and Jasmine had managed to pry the pressure door of the equipment room open with a crowbar they’d found, conveniently lying around, as you do. Mini-Phil had dashed under the door and pulled the release switch, opening the door and letting his comrades through. He started to hump Jasmines leg as if in expectance of a ‘returning of the favour’ but was met with a cold glare, which frankly, just scared him.
It was a this point that the clown’s had managed to burst through the barricade, Jasmine, reacting quickly pulled the door release, while Jay fired a few shots under the closing door with his hand blaster, popping a few in the knee caps, the door sealed shut again, which, without any crowbars meant that the clowns would be there all day. Mini-Phil mooned them through the small window in the door.
 
“Come on” Jay ordered “We gotta find Eve” and the group ran in the direction they’d seen their team-mates run.
“There she is!” Jasmine shouted as they saw Eve ahead, she had caught up to Canazza, who was backed into a corner. He saw them coming, and quickly sealed the pressure door to the section he was in. Jay, Jasmine and Mini-Phil stopped sharply.
“Here we go again…” Jay muttered, as he pulled out his crowbar again.
Jasmine watched through the window, as Canazza, still in his space suit pulled out a bazookoid from behind his back, presumably he’d grabbed that from the equipment room too. He aimed it, not at Eve, but at the bulkhead between them, and the vacuum of space.  Jasmine’s jaw dropped. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she yelled, getting Jay’s attention who dropped the crowbar and got to his feet to see what was happening.
“Oh jesus…” he muttered.
Canazza pulled the trigger, and wave of mining laser fire ripped into the bulkhead, blasting it wide open, when the smoke cleared, both Canazza, and Eve, were gone.
“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jasmine screamed. “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!”
She wasn’t thinking straight and tried to hit the door release switch, “Come on Jas..” said Jay calmly
“NO!” I’m not leaving her!”
“There’s nothing you can do” Jay said, as he grabbed Jasmine by the arms and pulled her away
“We gotta get back to the Raven!” he said “I’m sorry Jas.  She’s gone”
 
 

 
 
 
 
Alota’s team had just reached the engine room, she radioed Phil and Jay, “I’m in position” she said “Will detonate charges as son as you guys are ready”
Jay replied first. “Objective failed..” he said “Sorry honey…We ran into some…unexpected trouble.”
Phil replied next. “We’re approaching target now. were literally a few metres from the bastards..”
“Acknowledged” Alota said, and put her radio away.
Amber was getting impatient. “Why bother waiting?” she said to Alota, a blatant arrogance in her voice. “We should just detonate the charges now and get out of here!”
“Because” said Alota “There are still members of our crew on this ship, and innocent prisoners of the Empire, if we detonate now they’ll all be killed, we only wanna blow this place if both if you’re father fails to kill the emperors”
“Why do we even care?!” she asked “It’s not like this is even OUR timeline!”
Amber said ignorantly and walked over to where Dean and Keats’s had laid the charges that were going to blow the engine core, destroying the Death Jarette.
“Sod that!” she said “I’m detonating them now!”
“AMBER GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE!” Alota ordered, Dean and Keat’s got to their feet, grabbed Amber by the arms and threw her to the ground.
Alota placed a foot on her chest and looked down at her “You ever disobey one of my orders again you’ll live to regret it ‘ensign’” she put an emphasis on the word ensign.
“We wait til we have no other option, clear?”
Amber said nothing just stared back at Alota.
“IS THAT CLEAR ENSIGN?”
Amber sneered “Crystal..”

 
 
 
“Welcome Mr Febuggure!” Emperor Cerebrum said as Phil’s team approached the entrance to the control centre of the Death Jarette. “I’m told by a  reliable source that you’re her to kill us!” Keto added “Of course we cant let you do that”
“Pleasure to meet you though!”
“Yes a pleasure!”
the door’s leading to the control centre suddenly hissed shut.
“What the..” Jack said to no-one in particular.
A claxon sounded and a metallic rumble was heard coming through the bulkheads.
“Whats happening?” Kyla asked
“Smeg!” Phil shouted “They’re disengaging the control room, we gotta get outta here or the place is gonna de-pressurise with us in it!”
The group legged it back down the corridor, making it past the airlock just at it hissed shut. He glanced out of a viewport and watched as the control centre of the Death Jarette thrustered away, a wormhole opened in front of it and it vanished into it, strangley, the portal stayed open.
 “Febuggure to Captain Chrysler” he said into his radio “They got away”
 

 
 
 
The entire crew that had boarded the Death Jarette got back to the Raven at the same time, there was an immense flash, and a shockwave hit the Raven, and the still attaché Death Jarette.
Niples and his counterpart had stayed aboard to guard the ship, and where both staring dumbfounded through one of the Raven’s viewports.
“What happened?” Alota asked.
“The…Blue Dwarf..it…it’s gone!” Butz said, hlding his head in his hands
“WHAT?” Phil asked, and he, Jay and Alota ran over to the window.
“It was the alternate version” said Niples “The clowns launched an attack…they used kamikaze fighters, they must have ruptured the engine’s because the entire ship was vaporised just as you walked in”
“Did anyone get out?” Dean asked.
“I didn’t see any escape pods” said Niples.
“That’s it…” said Jay “These guys are gonna pay..Phil where did the emperors go?”
“Into that wormhole”
Dean and Jay glanced at it
“That’s not a wormhole” they both said together “It’s a time hole..”
“How can you tell?”
“It swirls clock-wise…”
“ah”
“Why would they use a time hole?” Alota asked.
“Who knows..” said Jay “But we better follow them to find out…”
Jay sent Dean to comfort Jasmine, then took the Raven’s controls, then piloted the vessel into the Time-hole’s gaping mouth.
 
 
 
<Onion, over to you my boy!>
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