Nightmare on Blue Dwarf (part 1)

Who: Dave Canazza, Donald Canazza and Timmy
Where: Alternate BD
I'm leaving the WHEN part out, cause smeg knows.
Having just killed off the second alternate Timmy, we find our Demented Duo walking around Engineering being given a guided tour by Donald, the Second alternate Canazza.
"Here we have the 3 billion TerraWatt hydrogen conversion engines" Donald said in a very matter-of-fact way, "These power the -"
"Listen, we have 4 billion TerraWatt hydrogen conversion engines on our Dwarf, we don't need a tour of old equipment"
"Oh, I suppose you get all the best things like that since you're still a Space corps vessel"
"Indeed, except the weaponry, where did you guys get all that stuff?"
"Rouge GELF planets, Simulants, derelicts, whatever we could salvage, trade or disable."
"Blimey," was all Canazza could come up with, "you know, I haven't seen a single skutter since I came aboard"
"That's because you've been with me most of the time, they tend to ovoid me."
"Why?"
"Remember the experiments with Timmy?"
"yes... " for those of you who missed the last post, it involved electric shocks.
"I made him because the skutters got fed up"
"you are sadistic for a timid clone"
"Like I said, Just because I had it purged doesn't mean I can't get it back"
"Yeh, but you're smegging demented"
Donald gave Canazza a look, a look that will haunt Canazza for the rest of his days, a don't-you-smegging-well-mess-with-me-mate-or-you're-in-for-it kind of look.
His expression changed in a snap back to the happy 'tour guide' face he had previously.
"This is our 9 million Gigahertz Central processor, and here" he pointed to another control bank, "Is our primary weapons control"
"Primary weapons is in engineering?"
"they're all over the place, no matter where the weapons officer is, they can reach primary control"
"isn't that kinda unsafe if you have an intruder"
"Like smeg it is, if it gets the wrong handprint the person is shocked"
"Who came up with that idea?" like he didn't already know,
"Me"
"Well," Canazza got into 'boast' mode, then realised he had nothing really to boast about. "I fix things"
"oh," Donald was quite interested, "what kind of things?"
"The engines, computers... vending machines etc"
"We don't have vending machines here any more, they've been converted into industrial materials lifts."
This lifted Canazza's spirits, no evil tormenting vending machines to annoy him.
"So, what kind of things have happened to you while you've been aboard this ship?"
"We've dodged angry GELF's who wanted their dual photon cannons back, outran a Simulant cruiser across twelve systems and hid from a fleet of the emperors warships in 1066 where I nearly got an arrow in my eye, luckily I ducked."
"Nice,"
"Oh, and I was also wrongly held in a mental institution for 15 years from 1987 to 2002"
"Oh dear"
"Oh, and I was caretaker at a mountain hotel for a bit. There was a very strange toddler there too, his mum locked me in a freezer" There was an unsettling glint in Donald's eye. "I showed her though"
--TO BE CONTINUED--
(because i'm a lazy sod)Name: Dave Canazza
Status: Is it too obvious now?