"Eternity calls, and wishing it was merely a wrong number."

Who: What's-his-name, The furball everybody seems to iqnore.
When: Eternity
Where: The same.
White Wolf opened his eyes, and found himself face down on the ground
surrounded by some very bright white light. He slowly sat up
squinting desperately into the bright light while feeling around for
the head wound he believed he recieved from the particularly nasty
head bashing the Storm trooper had just given him. But he felt no
wound...
"There is no need to be concerned about your previous injuries
Captain White Wolf, you are now beyond such mortal things..." called
a tall walking form slowly emerging from the really bright
surrounding light and revealing John de Lancie* in a white monks
robes, then when he saw White Wolf, he partially turned away and
muttered under his breath to himself, "Why does Gabriel keep
assigning me to these nut cases?!?"
"Aw Smeg - I must be in a Star Trek rerun! Dean must have changed the
friggin channel again... ", Muttered White Wolf angrily under his
breath while getting to his feet.
John de Lancie frowned and then replied, "This is not a TV show! This
is eternity, the ever after..." Then White Wolf's cell phone rang
from inside his vest pocket, and they both seemed slightly surprised
by this.
"How can anyone call me on my cell? I'm dead!" Muttered White Wolf in
disbelief.
"Yes, that's what I was trying to explain..." Started John de Lancie,
but was interupted again as the cell phone continued to ring.
"Ah, just a moment - Let me get it." Said the Huge hamster, reaching
into his vest pocket and retrieving the phone, flipping it open and
answering it, "Hello? Yes, this is White Wolf... Um yes, there is..."
Then the six foot, one inch hamster turned toward John de Lancie and
said, "It's for you." while offering the cell phone to him.
The man frowned in bewilderment and took the proffered fone in his
left hand and placed it up against his left ear, "Hello? Yes, this is
case worker Ox2A. A seraphim did what?!? Uh huh. I see. Right, let me
pull up my copy of the biographical record here and see..." Said John
de Lancie while pulling out a PDA from his left monk robe sleeve with
his right hand and glances at display then at white Wolf and suddenly
smiles a sacchariny smile to him then quickly turns away and says
loudly into the fone, "Um, We may have a big problem - my current
case subject is flagged here as a catastrophe control operative... if
that's true, St. Peter will have kittens if he has to involve the big
guy in things again, it was bad enough that we had that S&G fluff up!"
White Wolf interupted him, "Is there something wrong? Could I help in
some way?"
John de Lancie pauses and puts his PDA back into his left sleeve,
then turns back to White Wolf while smiling a weak smile and
replies, "Ahh, it's nothing really - just a minor glitch in our
information dispatching system. We'll have it straightened out soon,
If you'll just excuse me for a moment." without waiting for an answer
from the large hamster he spun back around and snapped into the
phone, "And what's with all these special effects? uh Huh. Well then,
you've got that wrong too! This is not his vision of eternity, he's
not even from the 20th century, he's... Gabe said what? Well, then do
it." and flipped the cell phone closed.
The bright light dimmed and the tall form of John de Lancie shimmered
into a four foot tall penguin wearing a red hat holding White Wolf's
cell phone in his left flipper. The penguin looked down at himself
then up at the now taller (6'1") White Wolf and muttered to
himself, "I am soo going to be happy when Gabe finally tires of
these 'April fools' pranks."
"Say..." Started White Wolf, but the penguin quickly held a flipper
cutting him off.
"I know, I know... Your one of those ubergeeks - and your going to
tell me how much I look like a certain icon for an underdog operating
system, and how my case worker number Ox2A just happens to be
hexidecimal notation for 42, and how you just knew it would all be
exactly that way in the here after. Spare me the drivel, I've heard
it all before. Gabriels just getting even with me for inspiring
those artists with the visions of Cherubs in diapers for a joke. How
was I supposed to know they were gonna take it so literally?"
"Well, No actually... I was going to ask you if this really is the
afterlife as you say, could you provide me with some proof that I'm
still not in AR, like for example telling me or showing me something
personal from my life that the AR computer couldn't possibly know
about?"
"oh yeah, sure..." Said the slightly taken aback penguin, "Um, here's
your phone back."
White Wolf slipped the cell phone back into his vest pocket, and then
four foot high penguin pulled out his PDA again and glancing at it,
and muttering "No, No.. This won't do." while hitting the PDA with
the flat of his left flipper as is it made some funny sounding noises.
"Ahh, Here's a good one - you were secretly subscribing to the 'busty
red headed asian babes' newsgroup while you were dating your fiancée,
Miss Allie Fletcher." ventured the Red Hat wearing penguin, lowering
the noise making PDA.
The lumbering hamster suddenly looked a bit embarrassed, but then
quickly shot back, "How do I know that the AR computer didn't just
dig that out of Cerebrum's blackmailing computer files?"
"Hmm... I suppose your right." replied the penguin frowning, "How's
about this one? You were caught eating a 'Mrs. Chryslers' satin
panties by her husband and stuffed into a calzone by him and served
up to a 'Dr. Keto'."
"What?!? I never did any such thing as that!" exclaimed the outraged
hamster.
"Your nick names not 'Mini phil' then?" Inquired the penguin raising
what passed for a eyebrow at him.
"Why of course not! 'Mini phil' is Phil FeBuggure's perverted clone."
Snapped White Wolf.
The penguin glanced back his PDA and hit it again while shaking his
head, "Oh, I see your right. You don't look anything like the fellow
in picture next to this attempted murder trial news story, in which
he was apparently the victim of some young lady named 'Tara' wraith
for allegedly being caught sleeping with her while trying to
masquerade as her husband..."
"Huh, When did that happen? Can I see that?" Asked the suddenly
curious hamster trying to peek at the penguins PDA display.
The penguin named Ox2A quickly yanked back the PDA out of the
hamsters line of sight while replying, "um - no, sorry! Client/Case
worker confidentiality privelege you know." The penguin paused as he
quickly scrolled through the entries on his PDA.
After a moment he said, "Oh, Here's something...", as he ticked the
display with his flipper, and the reality around them suddenly
morphed into a scene inside a freezer.
White Wolf turned around a screamed, "GGGGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT
THE SMEG ARE YOU DOING?!? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE PERVERT!!!"
"Oh My... that horrible little man's going to lose an *awful* lot of
afterlife points for this..." Went the shocked looking Penguin
quickly ticking the PDA causing the surroundings to return back to
their usual vaporousness, "I must apologise, the special effects
people seem to brought up the wrong scene, that was obiviously
something that hadn't happened yet."
"You mean to tell me that little twerps going to do that in the
future?" bellowed the indigant Hamster, "Alright you've convinced me,
just send me back so I can kill that little Smegger myself!"
"Um... Well, actually... You have sort of put your finger on the
problem. You see... you weren't supposed to die. Your guardian angel
apparently had... "
"What?"
"well... Gotten a little lax, with you being Atemporal and with your
actual date of death being so far off, he... ahh..."
"What?!?"
"Took a vacation... Normally We'd would be glad to return you to
mortal realm, but your Body's sort of unable to hold your soul at the
moment." Finished the Penguin with a red face that matched his hat.
"Well, can't you just fix it?"
"Um, unfortunately no. We're not allowed to. But I'm sure we have
some nice alternatives." ventured the Penguin helpfully.
"Alternatives?" Muttered the Dumbfounded hamster, "Oh, this does not
bode well..."
<To Be Continued!>
--------
* - The actor who plays "Q" in Star Trek Next Gen.
- White Wolf
Your 'Ghost'ly Captain.