Supersized Farewell

<Who - Zack & Cubie>
<Where - McD's of course!>
<When - During all the bug business>
Zack heard the door chime and looked up from the grill. "Can I help you . .
. ?"
His question faded into shocked silence. Blotz stood just inside the
doorway, looking like he'd been fed to a bugblatter beast after bathing in
ketchup. His normally gleaming armor was covered with dents, scratches, and
gouges. Several pieces were missing entirely.
"Richards? You in here?"
Zack heard the question as he crawled on hands and knees toward the back
office, but wasn't about to respond. His only goal was to get Cubie and get
out of there. The last time they'd seen Blotz, they had all been reluctant
allies against Darken until the giant STCP enforcer had turned against them
all. But hadn't that been resolved with Blotz's death?
But that had been a Blotz from one of the parallel universes. The one in
this universe was still loyal to Maxillus.
Or had been. Maybe. Hmmmmm . . .
Zack's head hurt, and he cancelled the line of questioning. He scurried
into the office. Cubie was busy bidding on a slightly used colony ship on
eBay. She spotted Zack as he eased the door closed. "Hi, Zacky! How are
you?"
Zack sighed. Cubie's blonde phase had lasted quite a while. Although not
worrying about being throttled in his sleep had given him more quality rest,
the concerns he had about Cubie inadvertently burning McDonald's down had
him so jumpy at work that it was an even trade-off. "Blotz is out there,
and he looks grumpier than usual."
Cubie lit up, a smile brightening her whole countenance. "Ooh! I'll get
him some tea!"
Zack shook his head. "Are you mad! He'll probably blow a hole in you!"
Cubie frowned. "Why would he do that?"
Zack sighed. "Remember where you used to work? STCP HQ?"
Cubie thought for a moment. "Yes. Wait. No." Her frown deepened. "STC
what?"
Zack waved his hand in frustration. "Never mind. Look, we don't want to
see Blotz. Blotz - bad. No Blotz - good. Got it?"
Cubie nodded slowly. "Blotz - bad. No Blotz - good."
Zack grinned. "Right! Now we need to jump out of here."
Cubie stood with a grin. "That sounds like fun! Me first!" And to Zack's
horror, she bunny-hopped out the door and toward the front of the building.
"CUBIE!!" Zack hissed through clenched teeth. Then, against his better
judgment, he seized a mop and dashed out to do battle with Blotz.
He charged out to the main serving area, brandishing his mop and shouting a
Scandinavian war cry he'd once seen on the Learning Channel.
He stopped and stared.
Cubie was hopping around a table. Blotz was seated at the table, taking a
long drink of the super-sized iced tea she'd brought him. His VBG-9000 lay
on the floor by his chair, also looking battered and neglected. He eyed
Zack warily. "You planning on mopping the ceiling tiles, Richards?"
Zack blinked, then felt a cold drip from the mop splat on the top of his
head. Sheepishly, he put the mop down. "I take it you're not here to kill
me or arrest me?"
Blotz shook his head. "No. Tempting as it may be, I need your help."
Zack blinked again. "MY help? What could you possibly need from me?
Coupons for free hash browns with purchase of a breakfast burrito?"
Blotz looked at Zack with a piercing stare, as if trying to see through him.
"You don't know, do you?"
Zack blinked yet again. He was starting to feel self-conscious about it.
"Know what?"
Blotz sighed. "STCP has been erased from this dimension's history. All the
field agents are gone. Their CUB units have been deleted. The office staff
has disappeared." He held up a crumpled Post-It note with some scrawling on
it. "This is the only clue I've got."
Zack read the note.
=====
Blotz
Temporal backlash from future probe imminent. Evacuating all active
personnel. Find Richards and regroup.
ZM
=====
"Zorn wrote this?"
Blotz shrugged. "I think so. It was stuck to my locker. I don't know
anyone else with those initials."
"Maybe it was Zipper Man!" Cubie was still hopping about. "Or Zero Master!
Zack's Momma? Zombie Mice?"
Blotz stared at Cubie. "What have you done to her?"
Zack shrugged. "She got a bad download from STCP HQ the last time she
rebooted. I thought it was just a makeover, but her whole personality has
changed." He felt Blotz's accusing stare. "I-I thought it was a passing
phase."
Blotz opened a panel on his forearm armor. A greenish beam swept across the
hopping hologram. "Ah. She got the Ditz virus. A temporal hacker hit our
database a few months ago with the Ditz virus, and it screwed up all our
active CUB units. We'd rebooted them all, but with you and Cubie hidden by
Zorn to keep you from being prosecuted . . ."
"Give me her controller. I can reboot her."
Zack hesitated. Handing Blotz Cubie's controller was paramount to putting
her life in his hands. But something about Blotz's demeanor told him that
the STCP enforcer wasn't their enemy today. Slowly he handed Cubie's
controller over to the weary giant.
Blotz plugged the unit into his armor and activated the reboot cycle. Cubie
let out a surprised yelp and disappeared in mid-hop.
They waited.
Five tense minutes later, Cubie reappeared. Her hair was back to its
traditional raven-black brunette color. She spotted Blotz and leaped back
over three tables. "Zack, run!!"
Zack ran over to her. "It's all right. He's here because he needs our
help!"
Cubie's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Since when?"
Blotz looked up at her with a tired expression. "Since the STCP was
effectively erased from our universe by forces unknown."
Cubie frowned. "Right. We'll just see about . . ." Her jaw went slack.
"You're telling the truth. No one's there."
Blotz nodded. "No one's anywhere. Believe me - I checked. Seeking out
your help was my second to last option."
Zack thought about that. "What was your last option?"
Blotz kicked the VBG-9000. "Stuffing this up my nose and pulling the
trigger. But you won the coin toss, so here I am."
Cubie was all business now. "Who did this?"
Blotz shrugged. "Don't know. Don't even know what a 'temporal backlash'
is. Might be a naturally occurring phenomenon. But I'm betting it isn't."
Zack sat down across the table from Blotz. "Why?"
Blotz pulled a datacrystal from a bandolier pouch and slipped it into a slot
on his other forearm. "This video footage from one of the STCP HQ's
security cameras."
A holographic image appeared on the table. A woman in a white robe with two
Danishes on her head stood there, a worried look on her lovely face. "Help
me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
"Whoops. Wrong crystal." Blotz looked embarrassed as he fished another
data crystal out of his bandolier pouch.
Zack grinned. "Never took you for a Star Wars fan, Blotz."
Blotz's expression was only slightly less lethal than the VBG-9000 at his
feet. Zack decided that now was not the time to play movie trivia with the
enforcer.
The second image popped up, showing Zorn's office. Behind the desk was a
silhouette of a man, rifling through Zorn's desk drawers. Light seemed to
be completely absorbed by this stranger. Cubie squinted at the image. "Who
is that?"
Blotz shrugged. "I don't know. But I DO know he was in Zorn's office
exactly fifty-one seconds after the temporal backlash caused everyone to
disappear."
The trio was silent. "SO . . . what do we do?"
Blotz rose to his feet. His movements indicated that he was extremely
tired. "We need to head back to the HQ and start searching for clues."
Cubie nodded, and a jump-tube opened up in the floor. The trio stepped up
to the lip of the tunnel and peered down into its swirling maw. Blotz
sighed one last time, then stepped off into the tunnel and plummeted from
sight.
Cubie looked over at Zack. Extending her arm, she smiled. "Shall we?"
Zack looked around ad McDonalds. "I guess so."
Cubie noticed the morose expression on Zack's face. "What's wrong?"
Zack shook his head. "I don't know. I guess I'm going to miss this place."
Cubie nodded. "I know. I will, too."
They stood there for one last moment, taking in their surroundings. Then
they stepped into the tunnel and were gone.
Fifteen seconds later, another tube opened in the ceiling, and Zack and
Cubie dropped out. Cubie wore a look of utter disgust. "This is completely
stupid."
Zack shrugged. "Hey! I couldn't agree with you more, but it's in the
contract."
Cubie grimaced. "We really should have read that thing before we adopted
this restaurant." The couple walked into the back office and opened the
circuit breaker panel. Then they opened another hidden panel, which housed
a single red button. They looked at each other, then Zack mashed his thumb
against the button.
A holographic Ronald McDonald who bore a suspicious resemblance to Major
Harris appeared. "McDonalds mandatory thirty-day self-destruct cycle
initiated. Please vacate the building immediately."
Zack chuckled as Cubie formed another jump tube. "Whoever programmed that
hologram got it all wrong."
Cubie looked at the smirking clown who was juggling spatulas. "Oh? How
so?"
Zack stepped over to the edge of the tube. "They made him look like Major
Harris. And they had him say 'please'." Then with a flourish, he dropped
into the tube and disappeared.
Cubie looked around one last time. The whole concept of adopting the
restaurant had been disturbing enough. Now setting it to self-destruct
smacked of infanticide. "Sorry."
Ronald smiled at her. "Don't worry about it. Keeps the insurance current
and I get free upgrades. See you when you get back. Unless you're still
here in ten seconds."
Cubie nodded dumbly. "Yeah. Right." Baffled, she hopped into the tube and
disappeared.
~Zack & Cubie Richards~
~Deputized STCP agents~
OOC: This will be (for the foreseeable future) my last post on Blue Dwarf.
I'm finding additional commitments that have kept me from being a productive
part of this sim, and rather than simply fade away, I owe Zack & Cubie (and
all of you) one last post. Farewell, my friends. I'll drop in again
someday if I get the chance, but for now the Richards have left the Blue
Dwarf. May the Lord watch over us all in the days ahead.
AJ