Crap (for want of a better word)

<><>WARNING! THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART... OR ANYONE
EATING DURING THEIR ONLINE SESSION. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!<><>
WHO: Elwood, Mini-Phil, several mutants and last week's chicken
WHERE: Um... you REALLY don't wanna know...
WHEN: Shortly after the finale of the Captain's log (i'm so sorry..!)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It was undoubtedly one of those all too often occurrences when Elwood
thanked his designers for not building him with a nose... or a sense
of disgust for some of the less 'appealing' jobs on board the ship.
As it was, the uber-skutter had been asked (well, ordered) by the
main Starbase operatives to unblock the Blue Dwarf's "U-bend".
This vast, yet well hidden expanse was the final stop for sewage
prior to its occasional release into space. Though it wasn't
technically practical for ships to haul around several thousand
metric tonnes of waste, it prevented mistimed releases from occuring.
The most famous example of this unfortunate coincidence was during
the launch of the Makoto, a Danish spacehauler, by her Royal
Highness, Queen Lizzie the twenty-second. Just as she was about to
fire the single bottle of sparkling white wine towards the hull to
christen it spaceworthy, an unidentified member of the Makoto's crew
flushed one of the ship's toilets, sending a considerable mass of
half digested food towards the Royal box. Needless to say, the Queen
was not amused... although the media had several priceless pictures
of the 'impact'.
Now standard on all larger ships, the U-bend had also been a
lifesaver to thousands of butter-fingered crewmembers who dropped
various belongings into toilets, sinks and showers. Of course,
hunting for something as small as a wedding ring in several square
miles of sewage wasn't easy... but then that's what skutters were
designed for...
Or at least that's what everyone told Elwood.
As he waded through the depths of rancid filth, he scanned for the
blockage that was preventing the Starbase from recieving the waste,
which he was informed could be recycled into Ikea furniture.
Eventually, he found the problem. Someone had flushed a large plastic
bag into the system, and its size was larger than the drainage hole.
Dragging the bag and its contents to one side, Elwood investigated
the mass. Amazingly, it didn't turn out to be sewage, dead bodies or
large clumps of toilet roll... It was several backcopies of the late
20th Century 'comedy' series, Captain Butler.
Oh well... it was in the right place at least...
Compacting the bag and videos into a size that could be removed, the
skutter started back towards the exit hatch, but stopped before
getting there.
He heard a toilet flush and its contents starting to pour into the
hold, not an unusual occurrence in this place. However, there was a
different noise... a familiar one...
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-sploosh!"
Making his way over, Elwood gazed into the gloom and eventually saw a
small struggling body. Within seconds, he'd fished the ship's
resident dwarf from the stinking sludge.
"Eee?"
"Yeah, you're alive"
"EEeeE?"
"You're right, it does smell like Big-Phil's sock drawer in here"
"EeeEeeeeEEEee?"
"Certainly... I'd be more than happy to send you back up there, but I
think a different route is in order..."
Still carrying the smellier-than-usual midget, the uber-skut wandered
closer to one of the bulkheads of the hold, stopping underneath a
gently sloped passage, hardly bigger than MP.
"Here you go little sir, access to the habitation decks via the
shower-rooms. I think you might need a wash after your trip down here"
"EEee?"
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you getting into trouble..."
"eeEe"
"Okay then"
Elwood moved a few holes along and held Mini-Phil up so that he could
crawl into the pipe.
"Eeee!"
"No problem... but if anyone asks, it wasn't my first choice to put
you in the pipe leading to the WOMEN'S shower-room"
With a smile that would look cute on anyone except a horny midget,
the tiny clone vanished from Elwood's sight, crawling
enthusiastically up the pipe.
Job done, the skutter started towards the access hatch again... and
the decontamination room...
<ENOUGH!>