Death, destruction and plagiarising Planet of the Apes

NRPG: Sorry about the length of the post, I didn't have much to do today so
this is longer than I intended.
RPG:
"You blew it up damn you! Damn you all to hell!" Efof screamed as he saw the
views of the planet Ffion appear on the stations computer screen.
"Come on," James said, putting a comforting hand on Efof's fourth shoulder,
"Come back to the Blue Dwarf with us. Maybe you can carve out a new life
there?"
"Yes, good idea," Efof nodded, "I'll set the matter transporter to send us
back."
"We've got a smaller craft in orbit around the station," James said, "Could
you beam us there? If I don't get the Blue Midget back then the captain's
gonna be pissed off."
"Sure," Efof said, "I'd like to stick around for a bit though, see if I can
find how my people died..."
"THEY DIED IN THE FIREY PITS OF HELL AS THE LOCUSTS OF SATAN SWARMED OVER
THE WORLD!" Doom bellowed, he liked bellowing.
"Doom, now's not a good time," James said.
"BEWARE THE MAN WHO MOCKS THE PROPHESIES OF DOOM! FOR HE SHALL HAVE HIS
BOWELS REMOVED BY THE CLAWS OF DEMONS!"
At which point a giant insect tore down the wall behind Doom and ripped his
head off.
"Run!" James said grabbing Efof's arm and dragging him out of the control
room.
The monster paused momentarily to eat Doom's intestines, then continued down
the corridor.
"Have you seen anything like that before?" James asked as they cowered in a
toilet.
"Never!" Efof said.
"I think we've found our invaders," James sighed, "Do we have any weapons?"
"Weapons?"
"Yes."
"What's a weapon?"
James groaned, "A tool, for killing things."
"Why would anyone want to do that?" Efof said innocently.
"Well, meat! You'd need weapons for meat!"
"What's meat?" Efof asked.
James told him.
"You eat DEAD ANIMALS!?" Efof said in disbelief, "That's disgusting!"
"Is there anything on this station that you use laser technology for, or
explosives?"
"There's a laser in the remote control for the telly in the common room,"
Efof suggested.
James gave up, "Okay, let's see if we can crawl down to the matter
transporter and get us off this station."
At that moment the air shaft above their cubicle opened and a huge pincer
swung down, slashing James's shoulder. The two survivors ran out of the
toilets, followed by the creature. They ran across the command deck,
shutting airlocks and doors at every opportunity. The "Locust" didn't even
begin to slow down. It simply rammed any barriers, coming through them in
one go.
Eventually they got to the transporter room, bringing several bulk heads
down to close off the room.
"Okay! Nfgud! Activate the transporter, set target as the Blue Midget just
outside the ship!" James commanded.
"I would love to do that James," the computer said, "but I'm afraid that
there has been a malfunction in atomic reanalysers on deck 12. Without those
you would appear as a sort of organic jelly. It's also damaged the
deatomiser beam."
"What does that do?"
"Well the transporter beam completely scans your body, then vaporises it.
Then it reconstructs a replica anywhere."
James nearly knocked himself out banging his head against the wall.
"What's its range?"
"Anywhere on the planet," Efof cut in.
"Your telling me that we had a device capable of vaporising anyone anywhere
in the world, and you didn't think it would make a good weapon!"
"What, you think it would!" Efof said cheerfully.
James groaned, "Governments would KILL for that kind of technology. They
would pay the arms and legs of every person in their country to get a
glimpse at the blue prints. It's the best fucking weapon you could ever
dream of!
"Never really thought of it that way," Efof shrugged, which was impressive
for someone with four arms.
"Okay, here's the plan," James explained, "Can you teach me how to fix the
technology behind the transporter?"
"Sure, it's easy," Efof said, he passed James a small electrode from the
wall, then said, "Nfgud? The complete manual on the workings of the Matter
Transporter."
James fainted, then got up again.
"That was weird, I understand it completely!" James gasped, "It's like..."
"He dropped the information directly into your mind," Efof explained, "Don't
you have technology like that? It must be terrible, having to learn each
individual fact all on your own."
"Well you'd better get used to it," James said, "Because you'll have a lot
to learn once we're on Blue Dwarf. Whoah! This is fantastic! I feel like I
could build a transporter from scratch when we get back! It's just so easy!"
"Your plan?" Efof reminded him.
"Oh yeah. Right, I need you to stay here to operate the transporter
controls. Once I have the system repaired, you need to vaporise the creature
but without materialising it somewhere else."
"But that's, that's ending a life!" Efof said, as if the idea was harder to
understand than the workings of a matter transporter.
"Yes," James said, "That's the point!"
There was a thud, and the door buckled.
"Our friend is here," James growled, "Keep an eye on my progress," he said
climbing into an airshaft, "I'll lure him away."
"It's not our friend," Efof said, "It's the giant bug."
James groaned, "Remember to learn sarcasm as well will you?"
He leapt into the shaft, crawled along, and appeared in the corridor behind
the insect.
"Hey! Ugly butt!" James yelled, "I scrape things like you off my
windscreen!"
The bug span round, facing James.
"Aha! That got your attention," James said, "But what's that over there?"
The bug turned momentarily, following James's finger, then James turned and
fled. From the control room Nfgud closed bulk heads and air locks to keep
the bug slowed down. James skidded under the metal doors as they came down,
dived through air shafts, swung from cables above the stations power core
and raced through even more corridors, all the time with the bug just behind
him. Eventually he got to the room where the Transporter technology was, and
had fixed in minutes. No sooner was the dematerialisation beam ready, then
the bug rammed down the door to the room, and stood facing James.
James ran for an intercom and yelled "NOW!" before diving another of the
bug's pincers. He leapt for the door as another claw caught his leg and he
fell to the ground screaming. He looked up, drinking the alien's appearance
in.
It was eight feet tall, had thousands of eyes and a pair of jaws that
wouldn't have looked out of place on the front of bull dozer. Its body,
segmented into hundreds of pieces, wound around the machinery, it's legs
clinging to various places on the wall. Apart from the front two, which were
thicker and more serated than the others. They had venom dripping from them.
Efof stood in the transporter room yelling "YOU HAVEN'T CONNECTED THE POWER
SUPPLY!" as he watched James helplessly over the CCTV circuit.
"The atomic reanalysers are on Efof, you may beam off now." Nfgud said.
"What about James!" Efof protested.
The bug rose to its full height, then brought one mighty claw down, tearing
James's bowels out in one go. Then it threw James aside like a rag doll.
Efof sighed, then stepped into the transporter cubicle. He didn't see the
CCTV screen, as the bug arched upwards towards the ceiling, then launched
itself, crashing through the ceiling tiles. He did see the floor grill tear
apart as the bug heaved its form into the room, and looked around hungrily.
He also saw the plug torn out of its socket.
Efof hurled himself out of the cubicle and over the beast, landing next to
the socket. He forced the plug into place before leaping to his feet and
spinning to face the bug. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the axe. It
was kept here in case debris needed to be chopped out of the way in event of
a fire. Now Efof thought about it, you could also use it for chopping bugs.
He smashed the glass and took the axe in his hands.
The bug growled and crawled towards him. Efof closed his eyes, and swung the
axe. It made a squelch. Efof did it again, and again, and again. He opened
his eyes and stared at the bug squeeling and clawing around, trying to find
Efof now its eyes had been cut out. Efof swung and swung again, until the
bug simply stopped. Dead. Efof stopped, he was breathing heavily. Then he
started to laugh. It had actually felt good!
_________________________________________
James sat back in his chair, Holly had been hailing the space station for
hours, but they hadn't responded at all.
"The computer must be down," James said at last.
"Or broken, it keeps granting permission to board, but then nothing
happens!" Holly complained.
"IT HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY THE LOCUSTS OF HELL!" Doom bellowed for the fifth
time.
"Okay, I give up. Holly, take us back to Blue Dwarf."
There was a bright flash of white light, and Doom and James span round to
see what had happened. In the seat behind them sat what could only be
described as an alien. It looked vaguely human, apart from the four arms,
the trunk and the sound of heavy breathing coming from the creature's
trousers.
"James! Doom!" the creature said, gasping with relief, "Thank god you're
alive!"
"Do we know you?" James asked.
"Oh no! No you don't. You see when Nfgud beamed you aboard he forgot to
dematerialise the versions of you here, so you're still alive!"
"Um, good?" James asked.
"Yes! It's very good! Because now you can take me back to Blue Dwarf and
teach me all about War and Sarcasm and things, and I can see meat and, and I
can really LEARN!" the alien said, he (if it was a he) sounded exhilirated.
James shrugged, it hadn't sucked their brains out yet, so was probably a
good alien. Probably.
"Guys," Holly said, "I just detected gun fire down on the planet, from where
the other away team landed."
"What's a gun?" the alien asked.
"A weapon," James said.
"Oh," the alien said sadly.
"Okay," James said, "Let's go and see if we can help! Doom, looks like you
get to visit your planet after all!"
The Blue Midget span round and began its journey towards the planet.
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