Cerebrum\'s first victim, er, patient

Cerebrum, completely unworried about the voices in his head (having
heard worse things in his head before), said, "The solution is
obvious. Who would you rather have treat this man. Me, with ten years
of experience of both psychiatry and insanity, or a giant, apparently
telepathic, appendix who probably doesn't even have a degree from a
major university."
"So, what's your point." came the voice in his head.
Cerebrum pointed at Schweeble, "He came into this room standing up.
He's now on the ground, clutching his head and muttering about the
voices in his head. You haven't been very comforting for him, so I'll
take over." Cerebrum picked up Schweeble and set him down on a nearby
table. "Holly!"
The computers head appeared on a nearby monitor, "Yes?"
"Where are the psychiatric offices? I've got a patient."
"They're four levels up, but they've never been used."
"What's it matter that they've never been used?"
"Someone's stolen all the furniture."
"Oh, I guess I'll just treat this guy right here then."
Cerebrum proceeded to ignore everybody else in the room, removed
several large books from his bag. The titles were mostly along the
lines of Psychiatry, Psychology and Electroshock Therapy for Idiots.
Then he took out a notebook and a pen. He pulled up a chair next to
the table, sat on it and opened the notebook and readied his pen
right above it.
"Now, first, tell me your full name and rank, and then tell me why
you think you need psychiatric assistance."