'Never a dull life being a security officer'

Blue Dwarf
22/09/2100
Somewhere between desks 1 and 3
Private Lloyd rode the lift down on her way to find Major Harris to inform him
of the change in situation, he was most likely lurking in the ship's garden
trying to get some peace from rest of the ship. She had heard some banging when
she had left the Commander's officer that sounded like someone hitting his or
her head against a table.
The Private could tell the Commander was attracted to her and the throught of
that made her smile. But like the average male he spent most of the time
staring at her breasts or legs, she was just glad the security uniform stated
that trousers should be worn.
"Holly." Lloyd called.
The bald headed computer appeared on the screen replacing 'The Matrix pt 546'
and responded. "Yes Private?"
"Did you see what happened in Commander's Nipels' office?" Lloyd asked.
"Yes." Holly answered.
"Is he always like that?" Lloyd asked.
"Only with good looking blondes like yourself." Holly answered. "ere, do you
know how he lost his love for others when the Polymorphs were aboard?"
"No?" Lloyd said sounding interested.
"Wanna see?" Holly asked.
"Yea go on then." Lloyd said and Holly disappeared some the screen and it was
replaced with some security camera footage.
********************
Promenade
Sergeant Jackson and Ensign Donover looked at Death Wish, drooling as usual, as
he stood on the wrong side of the rails on the floor above.
"Death Wish get down from there!" Jackson ordered.
"I not think 'down' was the right word here." Donover commented and then he
shouted. "Don't jump!"
"Third time this week." Jackson commented wondering how someone like Wish could
be a security officer.
"Leave me along!" Death Wish shouted getting ready to jump.
"Think of all the things you have to live for!" Jackson shouted at the security
officer with a death wish (hence the name).
"What things?" Donover asked the Sergeant. "This is Death Wish we are talking
about here, killing himself is what he lives for. There is nothing in the
security officer's handbook to deal with situations like this."
Jackson pulled out the security officer's handbook and began to flick through
the pages. Then there came this whoosh of air beside him, followed by a thud
and followed by a loud "aarrrggghh!"
"So there isn't." Jackson commented. The Sergeant looked up to see that Wish
had jumped, then looked down to see the security officer had landed on Donover.
Wish was still alive and Donover in great pain.