Cmdr. Smegg - "Please insert girder"
Flight deck
A week before Robot Wars
Boy was this a pain, setting up for the competition! Smegg didn't realize
it would mean he'd have to actually WORK! He was just an idea guy...
He regretted not having made an entry into the contest - he had so many
ideas now! He could just imagine himself dressing up as Dr. Robotnik
(complete with shaved head and fake orange mustache) and entering a
"Mekka Sonic" bot... or even a scaled-down "Proto Man", or his original
idea, a simple radio-controlled helicopter with machine gun mounts and a
little computer to automatically adjust the thrust to compensate for
recoil - or even something out of the device that had produced
"Grounder." But it wouldn't really seem right if the chief engineer won
his own contest... come to think of it, he hadn't decided what the prizes
were to be. Hey, he thought, I've been promoted twice since I got on this
ship... wonder if I got a raise as well, that could do it since I haven't
really changed my lifestyle, as if there was such a way to do that on a
mining ship. (Though he had noticed the Captain stopping by Le Petit
Pomme de Terre every so often instead of McKenzies like he used to... but
how the heck are you supposed to impress a janitor, anyway?)
Just then a robot that sort of resembled the "pimpbots" reported around
on the ship recently poked its head around the doorway. "Hello," it said,
in a voice that sort of sounded like Ernest Borgnine, "is this the Robot
Whores competition?"
"No," said Smegg, "this is the Robot WARS competition. And who are you?"
"Aw shucks," the robot said. "But that bot over there looks pretty cute."
It pointed at "Ointmentator II" which was in for an inspection, and moved
closer.
"So who are you?" Smegg asked impatiently.
"Hell-o, baby!" the robot said to Ointmentator II. It carefully pulled
off the "sleeping" battlebot's cloak only to reveal its other name
painted on the back: "Mercutio."
"Holy crud!" the Borgnine-bot said. "It's a dragbot!" The robot pulled
away and hastily covered up the Ointmentator.
"Mr. Robot, will you please state who you are or I'll have to either
deactivate you or report you to security," Smegg warned him.
"Huh, me?" the robot said. "I wasn't doing anything. Oh, nice to meet
you. My name's Bender." The robot extended his hand and Smegg shook it -
or really was shook up and down by Bender's robotically strong arm. "Ha
ha!" Bender laughed. "Gotcha that time! Another fool! F-U-E-L, that
spells fool!"
Smegg, lying on the ground bruised and battered, mumbled, "No it doesn't,
it spells fuel."
"Ooh! Fuel! Which reminds me, do you have a bar around here? I'm a robot
that runs on alcohol. Not like you humans who get poisoned like it. Hah!
Weaklings!"
"Yes, we do have a bar around here," Smegg groaned, "... but I won't tell
you where it is unless... you help me build this Robot Wars set!" Smegg
once again demonstrated his penchant for thinking in a pinch.
"All right!" the robot said, "Bender's the name, bending's my game!" He
then imitated a malfadorious McDonalds employee: "Hello, what do you want
me to break - er, bend today?"
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OOC - So now that Bender's on board, will we have Fry and Leela and
company come through a timehole looking for him? (Pursued by the STCP? Or
by a homicidal robotic Santa Claus?) What would happen when Keto meets
Dr. Zoidberg? (shudders)
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Red: "Welcome to the antique roadkill portion of the show we call --"
Mike: "Yeah yeah can you go ahead and appraise this, I've got to meet
with my parole officer in 15 minutes!"
Red: "Okay, let me take a look at this... Mike, that's JUNK."
Dalton: "Not to mention, it's MY junk!"
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