We Wish It Was Pirates

<Or it can be a trio of morons...>

"Oh, O'Malley! I'm picking up a distress signal! Have a gander!" Pickman said as he looked up from his console on board the starbug. O'Malley regarded it with mild interest while Tanaka attempted to stop the rigormortis that had set in his left shoulder.

“This is an article seven S.O.S distress call. My oxygen supplies are dwindling and I require urgent assistance. In exchange for safe passage, I forfeit salvage rights to the derelict I am stranded on. Coordinates as follows: 05, 06, 08.4527, 58° 58′ 20.54″. I repeat: This is an article seven S.O.S…”

"By Jove! That sounds like Ms. Jones!" O'Malley exclaimed.

"Thank Christ someone else made it out of that mess." Tanaka sighed in relief. "I still don't have a smegging clue how we did..."

"Silly space nonsense, it's not important." O'Malley said.

"Plotting a course. Can we send a response? Tell her we're on our way?" Tanaka asked.

"I'm afraid our comms relay was reduced to cinders in that whole silly space nonsense." Pickman told him. "We have the same communications capability of a Dungeons and Dragons nerd at a supermodel convention."

"So we'll just go in and pick her up, see if anyone else made it out alive, maybe salvage some stuff from that alien ship, and hopefully get our asses back to Blue Dwarf. Simple enough." Tanaka knew nothing in the whole universe was ever that simple.

"Check, scanners are picking up a ship heading on a similar course." Pickman announced. That didn't even take five seconds...

"What do we think? Could it be White Giant? Could it be the others?" Tanaka asked.

"Or it could be a Simulant rape cruiser." O'Malley suggested.

"Could you not?" Tanaka asked with an annoyed tone. "Could we, for once, run into a ship run by people who don't want to kill us, eat us, hump us, or a combination thereof?"

"I'm just saying, this part of space is a shifty neighborhood." O'Malley shrugged.

"All of space is a shifty neighborhood!" Tanaka exclaimed.

"All I'm saying is maybe we should arm the laser cannons in case it turns out to not be our friends who will no doubt be happy to see us so much they'll throw a party with cake?" O'Malley asked.

"Alright..." Tanaka sighed. "Arming laser cannons... just in case..."

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Now, all I'm saying is that it looks like the mysterious ship Smurf and Dick are tracking that has yet to hail them has powered up weapons... Alls I'm saying...
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