Jay

Cass jerked awake with a start as Jay burst back into his quarters in the small hours
His t-shirt was spotted with blood from a cut on his right temple and his eyes were red and puffy from too many tears
"Shit" Cass croaked, groggily scrambling up off the sofa and onto her feet to catch hold of him as he stumbled into the room
"She's gone" he slurred, the reek of whatever the hell he had been drinking, washing over her face as he fell against her and into her arms. His voice sounded raw and husky "Gone"
"Yeah, I know hon" Cass said soothingly "It's... awful"
"S’Gone"
Jay's knees almost gave way then, and Cass struggled to keep him balanced and up on his feet. She was only a few centimetre's shorter than him, but she was nowhere near his body mass
"C'mon," she grunted as they lurched across the main living area "let's get you to bed"
"Not sl..."
They banged through the door into the bedroom, Jay's weight barrelling them into the room and down onto the floor in an ungainly heap
"Ow" Cass grumbled. She was up first and onto her knees, rubbing a bruised elbow "C'mon Jay" she leaned over to grasp one of his arms to try and pull him up "Just another couple of metres and you’re in bed"
It took about five minutes of encouragement, but she eventually managed to coerce him up and onto the bed where she rolled him over onto his back and dragged his boots off before moving around to sit next to him
“What happened there?” she asked, frowning at what he’d done to his forehead
“What?”
Gently moving his head into the light, she peered intently down at the injury
“What you doin’?” Jay moved his hands without conviction, to try and fend her off
“Where’d you get this cut from?”
“What cut?”
“It’s a mess. I’m going to need to clean it up” Cass murmured, tilting his head first this way and then that “Looks like you’ve got some dirt or something in it”
She rose from beside him and moved across the room to start rummaging around in the cupboard beneath the sink “I suppose it’s pointless asking you where the first aid kit is?”
“I've fucked it all up” Jay slurred, mournfully embarking on his own conversation as Cass dodged out into the kitchenette and returned a moment later with a small green box with a white cross on it
“Now Mr Chrysler,” she sat back down beside him and opened the box on her lap “let’s get this cut cleaned up...”
“Cass?”
“Hmm?”
“I’ve been selfish and... and stupid. So stupid”
Her green eyes flicked up to meet his and she shook her head “No" she said firmly "It’s not a crime to want to be happy, Jay”
Extracting a couple of packets of antiseptic wipes, Cass tore them open and wadded the contents up in to a tight ball, which she dabbed around the cut to remove the dried blood and dirt before moving on to whatever it was that he had got in the cut itself
“This might sting...”
“Aargh fucking shit!” Jay flailed upright only to have Cass strong-arm him back down amongst the pillows again and give his cut a good brisk cleansing; only finally relenting when she was sure it was clean
“Fuck” he gasped when she was done “Oh, shit, shit” his breathing slowed after a moment “Shit, shit, shit...”
“It’s only about two centimetres long” Cass reported as she leaned forward to inspect the wound “All clean. Shouldn’t scar”
“Thanks” he groaned weakly “Thanks for Max and for everything. You’re great”
“I’ve been trying to get you to notice that for ages”
She taped a pad of gauze over the injury and kissed a couple of fingertips on one hand before pressing them onto Jay’s forehead
“Well done” she smiled “You can have a lollipop for being brave little soldier”
“You know, I’m going to fix all of this” Jay murmured, his eyelids beginning to droop now he was feeling warm and comfy “Everyone dies. Everyone I care about. So sick of everyone dying”
Grimacing, Cass took a deep breath and shook her head.
“None of the deaths were your fault Jay” she said quietly
Jay’s eyes flicked open again, full of pain “What am I doing wrong Cass?”
“Absolutely nothing”
Normally confident and self-assured, this wasn’t as side of Jay that she saw often
“People die” he insisted, raising his arms to make a wobbly gesture “Everyone looks to me as their leader, but everything... everything I do is wrong. Everyone dies”
“You’re not my leader”
“Wha?” Jay’s brow furrowed at the effort of keeping track of, what were to him, ancient conversational concepts
Fuck it, Cass sighed and gave him a wan smile He’s so drunk he won’t remember a word of this anyway
“You’re not my leader. You’re my equal” she reached over him to pull the duvet across over him before standing and glancing upwards “Lights!” she said with the usual impatient intonation of someone used to dealing with electrical appliances
After the lights had winked off, she walked around the bed towards the door where she stood, framed in the light from the living area beyond, as she eyed him in silence for a moment
“G’night Sparky”
She pulled the door closed