Xenobiology and You

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“There’s got to be something the STCP squad’s physician missed when he examined the spiders” Cass replied “I don’t specialise in squashy sciences, so I’m way out of my league. Why don’t we get Artemis in here to examine this one?”
“Hmm” Jay grunted “It’s as good an idea as any; Jade might be able to provide some input as well”
“If they find anything like a command mechanism, maybe Jamie or Alex could reverse engineer something that’ll be able to triangulate the command nodes?”
“Sure” Jay turned to leave “You watch this one, I’ll let Artemis know he’s got a live one here...”
<snip/>

"They have one female servicing a group of males, that implies a species that lays eggs!" Artemis yelled at Alex. "For smegs sake! They're so obviously mammals!" Alex replied. "Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!" "SMURFS DON'T LAY EGGS! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're so obviously mammals!" "ENOUGH!" Jay interrupted. "Why can't we agree that they're mammals that lay eggs, like a platypus?" he added. Artemis and Alex pondered it, then looked at each other and nodded. "Artemis, we need you for a...field exam" said Jay. Artemis looked at him quizzically. He threw off his cloak to reveal several small bags hanging from him, each containing gear of some sort. "Lead the way"

Jay lead Artemis to the area where Cass was watching over the constable. Artemis took one look at the man and then to Cass. "Thank You" he said creepily, slipping on his black rubber gloves and surgical mask. Artemis set his bags down beside the constable and knelt down to examine him. "We need to know how these things work, specifically how they communicate and receive commands. I want to be able to triangulate the command signal" instructed Cass. Artemis nodded, "This is exciting! I haven't worked on an actual alien since they let me take a spin at the frozen body from Roswell!"

Jay and Cass held the man down as he tried to wriggle away. Artemis pulled out a syringe of light blue liquid. "This should shut him up" he said, driving it into his neck. "What is that?" Jay asked. "A mix of expired anesthetics from my lab coupled with painkillers, sleeping pills, and LSD. He'll be out cold, and having some righteous dreams up until he likely dies from blood-loss" Artemis pulled a marker from his bag and marked several spots on the constable's scalp. He drilled a small hole and inserted a brain probe through it. "Ah, yes, it seems to have clamped down on the Parietal Lobe, and has it's tentacles spread across the brain to most other lobes. Interesting. I should be able to analyze it without removing it. That will allow us to see how it works" "How long?" Cass asked. "Usually around an hour, but seeing as our current situation prohibits long periods of time in one place, I can halve that by cutting some corners" replied Artemis. "Okay, do it" Cass ordered.

Artemis slid the probe out and pulled out a laser cutter. He cut a small hole in the constable's skull and slipped in a small camera that was attached to his MS-Psi Scanner. He focused in on the parasite. To prevent it from bugging out, Artemis quickly injected it with a very small amount of Patches venom, which would dull its senses but leave it intact for examination. He then made a small incision on the parasite's back and started sifting through its organs. He found the brain and rested the probe atop it (as inserting the probe into such a small brain would destroy it). He took several minutes to examine the brain activity. "Hmm...the electrical activity seems normal, and I'm not really seeing anything out of the...wait...the venom is wearing off, the parasite is becoming aware and....yes! There we go, a spike in electrical activity over the...let's call it a telepathy node, it's emitting a signal across channels that are so obscure not even my MS scanner can pick them up" Artemis took some notes, compiled a "report" in his head, then turned to Jay and Cass.

"Based on this examination, and I'm only 87% sure of this hypothesis due to my lack of study time, the creatures communicate telepathically through channels that go beyond what Humans have discovered. It's like....a special kind of type of signal, a natural one undetectable by technology because it's so easily obscured by things like starships, solar radiation, and human activity. This explains how they've gone unnoticed for so long, because nobody has been able to hear them! Now this I'm 100% sure on, if we were to modify my MS scanner and construct an antenna of some sort, I'm sure we could lock in on that signal and triangulate the broadcasting locations" Artemis handed Jay his notes. "That's the signal we need to look for"

Jay looked at Cass. "Let's get Alex and Jamie on this..."

<tag/anyone>

Didja find the Venture Brothers reference?