Slugs

Now, not that he was being big headed. But Jay had never been a stranger to female attention.
Smeg, he’d slept with a good proportion of the entire human female population of galaxy. (Ok, so the female population of the galaxy currently consisted of Katrina, Cass, Jade, Evelina and Phi, but still, Katrina and Cass were a good 40%.
Before them, he’d had reasonable luck with the ladies. Who can’t resist a pilot?
But this? This was something else.
Jay found himself being dragged toward the ground, being clawed at by insanely hot women, whom Jay struggled to remind himself were succubi.
One yanked at his dog collar. Another tugged on his robes, and he felt himself…just…slipping into ..
“JAY MONTAGUE CHRYSLER!” boomed a voice
“Urm…” Jay said, confused, glancing down at his attire “God?”
“God? No, Katrina you smegging goon, I’m monitoring the game from outside remember? now you listen to me. IF you so much as LOOK at one of those bitches I will personal TEAR YOUR BOLLOCKS OFF WHILE YOU’RE STILL IN THE AR SUITE…clear?”
…”Crystal dear…”
“Good. I love you.”
“Love you too..”
To be honest. That did kill the mood somewhat.
Jay had to do something. So flicked manically through the bible as best as he could while the succubi clawed at it.
…”Oh for smegs sake…I knew I should have read this at least once…where the smeg is it…AHA!”
He slammed the book shut with one hand and said loudly the words. “LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION!”
In this world, that small segment of a prayer was a powerful incantation, a bright white light radiated from the bible, and bathed the succubi that had been clawing at him, turning toward each other, and trying to seduce themselves.
“Heh, look at that!” he smirked. “It worked!”
He allowed himself a quick glance skyward. “Cheers big fella…” he said.
<snip>
SLUGS!!
<end snip>
“well…this is perfect…”
Jay murmured as he fell downward.
He would have landed hard, probably hard enough to have broken a bone or two had he not landed on the back of one of the slugs with a wet ‘plop’ before sliding off, slipping down the slugs slimey back.
“Ugh” he grumbled “Justins holo-spooge explosion was nicer than this..”
He rolled aside from the gaping mouth of one of the slugs, and scrambled to his feet dashing out of the way of another.
He clambered onto the back of one and ran along it’s length to avoid another, leaping clear at the last moment before another slug bore down on him, just missing Jay and taking a bite from the one he’d climbed onto.
“This isn’t gonna be pretty…” Jay said to himself “Think Chrysler, think….”
He dived aside from another slug.
“No powers….no real weapons…so what…”
He checked his inventory pockets as he moved, crucifix..bible...,holy water…smeg, why can’t priests use pulse rifles or something……he tripped on a raised stone in the floor and the last item in his pockets rolled out and across the floor.
“perfect!” Jay smiled as he saw it.
He couldn’t reach it though, as yet another slug lunged at him, jaws snarling making him jolt backwards
He now lay on his back, looking up at another lunging slug, he rolled sideways, as it crashed into the stone floor. He made a dash for the item that had fallen from his pocket, and grabbed it. Holding it high above his head, he threw it hard into the floor. The glass jar shattered, sending it’s contents spreading across the pit floor.
The slugs made contact with it, and as each one did so it instantly dissolved.
Eventually Jay stood at the bottom of the pit, surrounded by a brownish sludge that was once the slugs.
“Holy salt…” Jay said to himself. “Whod’a thought….”
He looped his Crucifix over his head, and swung it around before tossing it upward where it hooked on the door handle above, Jay then used the chain to climb out of the pit to safety.
“So” he said as he reached the top “Shall we assume that that was the wrong door?”
<tag!>