The Q-Bomb

Cass and Artemis lead the group, bickering like a pair of old women. "Okay then, if you're so damned brilliant then how do you clone a creature without a chamber?" Artemis yelled "Easy, you use a genetic engineering chamber!" "No you distended piece of rectum! That would do nothing! You pour all of the cloning solutions in a warm bath with biological accelerants and use a car battery to charge the slop! The solution in the bath would have the same effect as primordial ooze, the car battery mixed with the accelerants speeds it up, BAM! You've got a cloned creature in an hour, same way I made my budgie!" Cass groaned in anger, and thought up a crusher. "How do you create a star drive without using atomic elements?" "Easy! You increase the power output on an impulse drive!" Artemis replied as he helped his opponent over a fallen log. "That would cause a damn explosion!" She replied. "You take the components for a particle accelerator and attach them to an impulse drive, but you re-route the excess power to the rest of the ship to avoid an overload! Even inbred space beatniks know that!"

The bickering continued as the two intellects butted heads. Jamie and Katrina followed behind, trying to shut out the ongoing argument. "It makes sense" Jamie said, shaking his head. "What?" Katrina asked. "The next person off of Blue Dwarf is a maniac like Cass. At least this one seems moderately stable" "Let's just hope he doesn't smeg this up" Katrina said, not knowing how maniacal Artemis was about to become

"That's garbage!" Cass raged. Artemis, now fed up with her antagonizing comments, slipped off his bag. He pulled out a handful of small bags, each with a different insect. "If you're so damn smart than how become you missed the fact that every creature we've encountered on this moon is a GELF?" Artemis yelled, dropping a bombshell that made everyone fall silent. "What? What do you mean?" Jamie asked, catching up with the two adversaries. "On a hunch I did a thorough scan with my MS-scanner and discovered that each and every creature on this planet did not evolve from anything, it was simply created in their current state!" Artemis showed everyone the samples. "Why would somebody just dump all these creatures here?" Katrina asked as she examined a bagged wasp. "They didn't, the creatures were put here intentionally by the owners of the outpost! These creatures are engineered to act as a deterrent for intruders like us! Seriously, do you think that bugs naturally cause sexual aggression? Or that mosquitos can actually become narcotic? That's incomprehensibly stupid!" Artemis fished around inside his bag and grabbed hold of something big. "And in conclusion, miss jones, are you capable of making a quantum bomb out of starship parts?" Artemis pulled a large device from the bag.

"A q-bomb? How did you make a q-bomb!" Cass asked "I fashioned it from the drive core and some scrap from the Blue Midget I crashed earlier! It's quite simple really, the drive core causes distortions in the fabric of space, and by amplifying and warping those distortions you can cause a blast capable of glassing an entire planet! I should know, I invented the q-bomb during my period on Charon! BOOM! POW! CHECKMATE YOU INCOMPETENT SOW!" Jamie examined the bomb, and exchanged worried glances with Katrina. "Why did you build a q-bomb?" "Because this planet is pure evil! The life forms, the creepy alternate reality, and outpost, all need to go to restore balance! It's like my asshole father told me, "for every shadow there is a ray of light to restore balance!", and in this case it's a planet buster! Don't worry, I don't intend to set it off while we're in range, that would be stupid! I'll detonate it when we're clear of the atmosphere, that way we can watch this hell go up in flames!" Artemis put the bomb back in his bag. "Now, I do believe that we were looking for the others?"

Plisken puffed on his pipe contently. "Mister Plisken!" Artemis shouted, leading the group out of the brush. "I was wondering when you were going to come back, and it looks like you found the others" Plisken said, inspecting the pipe. "Yes, we're here to finish the job....in more ways than one" Artemis said pridefully. "He made a q-bomb and he's going to flatten the planet when we leave" Katrina said. Plisken looked at Artemis, and to Cassandra. "Great, you're already turning out to be another one of her..." Artemis laughed. "Say that again and I'll de-phase you. But onto other matters, how are the others faring?" "Don't know, haven't heard much from them in a while" Jamie and Katrina peered down the abyss. "What is it?" Katrina asked. "It's an alternate dimension of some sort, they think that the outpost might be down there" Plisken replied. "What are we waiting for?" Katrina remarked. "Just a second" Artemis fished the bomb from his bag. "Allow me a few seconds to set this up, this will take out the portal as well as the planet's surface when it detonates" Artemis got to work priming the bomb for detonation....

<snip>
"Hey, that's really rude calling me a demon! I really hated it whenever people did that while I was stuck back on earth during ancient times!" Calls White Wolf while coming out of the shadows, quickly followed by Candice.

"I don't think she's talking about you, But them." Says Candice pointing to a small group of clowns with monstrous faces filled with vicious sharp teeth which were in the process of coming out of one of the nearby amusement park buildings and approaching.

"Oh... Well. Nevermind then. I guess while we're telling everyone that they need to return back to our home destination so that we can switch the gates destination over to the Roo Installation on the planet, we had better remind the crew *not* to fraternize with the natives here while we're trying to catch up with Dr. Jade, Huh?" Remarks White Wolf while heading toward the Fun House without missing a beat. <snip/>

It took Artemis five minutes to arm the q-bomb, fulfilling his desire to bring an end to the evil swampy hell that the Roo had created. The group traveled through the hole and managed to catch up with White Wolf and Candice just before they entered the Fun House. "A giant hamster? Weird, but it seems rather common in this new existence I've entered. Dr. Artemis K. Pritchard VI, humbly at your service!" Artemis said, introducing himself to White Wolf. "So, what was that you said about a control panel?" Katrina asked. "There's a control panel back at the tree that only only reacts Atemporals like myself. The panel can grant us access to the Roo outpost, but doing so will take away the only exit for our fellow crew" White Wolf said. "But, they've take a detour through the fun house with some of the natives" White Wolf pointed into the eerie funhouse. "Well, we've been attacked by crazy GELF insects and terrorized by a damn swamp, why not?" Plisken remarked as he started into the funhouse, the others following shortly after.

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