Let the bow, see the arrow!

“Ok girls! Remember, no likey, no lighty!” said the “H” bearing Paddy McGuinness.
A few loud BONGS sounded an a handful of white lights turned to red.
“Oh, y' lost a few, but not many Jay, lets see what they're saying!”
The holographic presenter of cheesy Saturday night TV show Take Me Out walked along the stage to one, very orange, very bleached blonde woman standing behind a podium.
“So, Chardonnay, why 'ave you turned ya light off?”
“Oi dont fink Oi culd spell 'is name!” replied the girl in a thick Essex accent.
“It's Jay!” replied Paddy “J-A-Y!”
He shook his head and walked to another girl.
“What about you Rebecca?”
“I'd be so worried about him! All his adventures!”
“I think e'd be alright Rebecca, he got blown up by a nuke and walked away!, but never mind, it's too late now and Jay, 25 lights still on! Ye've got y'self a DAAAAATE!”
The crowd cheered, as did most of the girls behind the podiums.
“The power is in your hands Jay, we need to get down to two girls! Off you go!”
Jay ran up and down the stage, turning off the lights of protesting girls until only two remained.
“Ok Jay...you've left in Katrina, and you've left in Cassandra...who are you going to take to the planet of...”

The entire assembled crowed shouted the next word in unison.

“FERNANDOS!!!”

“Jay, turn one girl off and one girl off!”
Jay ran toward the two girls and..Woke up.

He sat up and looked around. He was still on the planet they'd crashed on, some of the others were still asleep, others had gotten up and left somewhere.
Dreams like that, he mused, were not needed. He was sure he wanted Katrina, right?
She was all he'd EVER wanted. Hell, that was why he'd married her...

but then there was Cass.

Jay figured he was being pretty selfish. He was agonising over which woman he wanted to be with, when truth was he'd slept with two thirds of the entire remaining female population of the human race.

He wondered if he should go and talk to Phil, his best friend, but Phil would probably have little sympathy for him, even without the gases effect on him.

Plus, Jay was never comfortable with the fact that Phil had seen nearly as much of Cass's body as he had from her days in Club Fister. He'd stuffed money into her G-string (and been thrown out of the place more than once)

Jay lay back. He ought to be grateful really. Most men would kill to be in his situation, even with the virus..

wait...the virus.

Jay hadn't really thought about it but he'd felt a lot better since crashing here. What was it Cass had called it? A Nano-phage? The virus was caused by nanites, so were they now no longer working like all the other equipment?

He pulled out his knife and stabbed the tip of it into his finger, pursing his lips as he did. Pulling the blade out he watched as the blood pooled to the surface and waited.

And waited.

It didn't heal!

Was he cured?

Was it THAT simple?

He was interrupted from his thoughts as a scream was heard from near where Jacky and Whitewolf had been working the night before.

He grabbed the weapon he'd fashioned the night before and dashed across finding the large hole.

“Everyone ok?” he yelled

“Jay!” Cass replied “Help! Theres something in here!”

“Got your lighter?”

“yeah..hold up..” she sparked up the lighter, in the dark burrow it lit up the groups surroundings beautifully, casting light on the giant Sabre-toothed Guinea Pig that reared up behind them.

“....right....” Cass said

The creature lurched forward, but fell dead on the floor seconds later, two long sharp sticks sticking out of it's hide.

The group looked up, as Jay lowered his bow.

“What the smeg happened? White Wolf, you're a smegging hamster, and you can't handle a hole?” he asked

The group didn't get to answer, the ground beneath them opened up again and they all fell even further undergound.

Jay shouted after them, but couldn't hear a response.

“Shit” he muttered, slinging the bow over his shoulder and leapt into the hole to follow.

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