YOU SHIN GELF?

High on his - not actually - painkillers, Alex Solvay was happily slapping his way down a long corridor of the mining ship Blue Dwarf, bare of foot, bare of bottom, hospital gown clad. Mercifully, since his currently carefree mood had struck, he hadn't run into any of the hostile life forms that were presently roaming the city sized craft. He was closely trailed by his concerned simulant ship-mate, and newly appointed friend, Garr Bedge, and was still merrily singing the Paul Simon classic “You Can Call Me Al”. Quite badly.

He inhaled hugely, preparing to belt out another chorus, when Bedge grabbed him.
“Mmf, Bedge, didn't know you cared...” he muttered. In response, the sim clapped a hand over his mouth.
“Shh, Marster Solvay, de sex-GELFS.”
Alex remembered his recent fun with some of the GELFS. “Mmmm” he hummed, into Bedge's leather gloved hand. Somewhere above and behind his head, Bedge rolled his eyes. He could tell because the mechanical one whirred a little.

The kerfuffle sounded like it was moving away and Bedge released him. The sudden liberation from the rock-steady grasp caused him to stumble, so he leaned an arm against the wall to steady himself.
“I could report you” he said, smiling, “sexual harassment in the workplace.”
The huge simulant's face showed nothing but puzzlement.
“Um, Marster Solvay, you are actin' a bit like Marster Pancayke does shometimes.”
Alex's features tried a furious expression, but it felt like his facial muscles were moving through treacle. “Don't you-” He wagged his finger. “Don't'choo compare me to that smegger.”
“Shorry Mar-”
“Mind you, he is quite funny. He's all right, really, Justin...”

Bedge stared at him, a look of disgust plastered on his face. “Marster, you are sick.”

“I feel great!”
“I fink we need to get you somewhere and sort you owt. Your eyes are neerly all black.”
Alex thickly felt around his eyes, expecting them to be bruised.
“No, I meen your poopils. Dis way.”
He prodded him towards... somewhere.

---

The Promenade

Cedric Squinkles watched in horror as the gigantic mechanical man steered the tottering human lady towards his store. No... hang on, that wasn't a human lady. Though it had long hair and was wearing a dress it was in fact a human man. In general Cedric found it difficult to tell them apart, but this one had shading on its face, and... now that it drew even closer... he remembered it as the one who usually wore blue.
The One Who Wore Blue was often heard grumbling to itself outside Whiskers's Sawdust and Dinery, in what was quite likely a male-human tone.
Please walk past, please walk past. He thought, in a gerbilly way.

But, awfully, the terrifying robot-man pushed the dress-man down into a sitting position outside Squinkles's very own shop - a health food store which sold several varieties of seed.
“'YOU SHIN GELF?” Said the mechanical.
Cedric didn't know what he was talking about (he hadn't yet learned to speak English or Human) but it sounded hideous.
To make matters worse, the dress ladyman started talking as well “GOTASIGARET? SRSLYNEEDAFACKINSMOKE”.
Then, terror upon terror, it started to gently but firmly caress Squinkles's freshly groomed fur. "GOODBOOIEEY!"

Whatever it meant, it was clearly a threat. Cedric had to preserve his life, he had a litter to care for. Times would be tough, but they'd make do. They might not have a shop, but at least they'd have a father! With a squeak of misery, take it, TAKE IT, he ran off, abandoning the store to the strange ones.

Alex looked at Bedge. “What's his problem?”

–
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Note: His feet are slapping, his feet! For the love of Gods, his feet! Though I must have had "slapping" on the brain after the previous, hilarious, post.