The KissMammal 3000

<snip>
"Maybe he took his watch with him!" Justin shouted optimistically. He beamed off of the watch he was currently on, and returned shortly after.
"Any luck?" Bedge asked.
"Don't talk to me." Justin snapped.
<end snip>

“What did you see?”
“What didn't I see!” Justin said, looking up at Bedge from his watch. “Can a floating head in a watch vomit?” he tried gagging, then looked back up at Bedge. “I know what they are.”
“The Belhaphasarians?”
“Yeah, they're a kind of pleasure GELF. They change their shape to whatever turns you on.”
“Whatever turns filthy oomans on?”
Justin smiled out the side of his mouth. “It works on holograms too.”
“Shame yer stuck in that watch den... oh hangabout, 'ow do you know what they are?”

Justin's disembodied head floated on the watch face. “Ahh, well I've seen them before. Y'know in the 3 million years everyone was in stasis?”
Bedge nodded.
“I wasn't. I was just wandering around the ship. Do you know how frustrating that gets? Sexually frustrating I mean.”
Bedge remained silent.
“About a thousand years ago we drifted past this derelict spacestation, or I thought it was derelict. It was still broadcasting an automated signal about ordering a 'KisMammal 3000'.”
“A what?”
Justin pointed his head out of the hut that Bedge was hiding in away from them. “That's what they are... I ordered one and it came vacuum packed and infection free.”
“So it some type of sex toy den?” said Bedge.
“Yeah kinda. If you like ejaculating into a genetically engineered pigbeast. I didn't like it so I sent it back.”
“Unused?” Bedge asked.
Justin was quiet for a second. “I didn't say that.”
Bedge screwed up his cybernetic face.
“Well it was good at first. I was lonely, I was bored. I wanted to feel the precious sensation of brushing against the skin of another living being that shares my hopes and most heartfelt desires, and I was spellbound by the advert that promised all that and more in the shape of a pig you can shag.”
Bedge scowled.
“Don't judge me!” Justin said. “It's actually pretty good, it comes with several different rear mounted fantasy orifices, and when it changes shape you forget it's a sexmonster that looks like a pig.”
“Mebbe we should tell everyone else?” Bedge said.
“Nah, they'll be having a whale of a time. Let them have their fun! Each one has an encyclopedic knowledge of sexual practices from around the galaxy, and they'll satisfy every desire, then lick your face clean.”

Bedge stood up and walked outside and saw one of the women licking Seymour's face. “So why are dere so many of dem?” Bedge whispered into his watch.
“Dunno, maybe they rebelled and formed their own planet. Or maybe Humans died out and there was no-one to satisfy any more.”

The 3 breasted creature feeding Seymour grabbed another fist of grapes and slid them sensuously down his gullet. He didn't seem to mind being force fed lovely grapes. The woman turned to Bedge for a second, and in just a split second he saw her for what she really was, a genetically altered pigmonster.

Around the village, all the creatures exchanged glances. Their males were so wrapped up in the moment they didn't notice anything wrong. They were stood up and lead by the hand into the woods towards the mighty Arachdok.

<OOC – What is an Arachdok? >