Soft configuration

<ooc>With apologies to all concerned</ooc>

"SEE!" Cass said loudly, spinning round to gloat that she was right, only to see Katrina on her knees sobbing, and Jay crouched alongside her, one hand lovingly on her shoulder in reassurance. It was too painful to watch so she turned her attention back to the simulant who was rebooting and pulled her pocket Psi Scanner out, slapping the thing hard on the side to get it to switch on
"This can't be right..." she frowned after a moment, nervously backing away from the cyborg "It says here that this Simulant has been infected with a different personality"
Cass paused, refusing to accept what she was seeing on the readout, and tapped the Psi Scanner's flickering screen a couple of times to refresh the display
"Is that bad!?" Jay asked, already pulling Katrina, all snot and tears, away from the cyborg's immediate vicinity as Garr completed his reboot and hauled himself to his feet with something of a flourish
"This thing's either completely broken" Cass scowled at the scanner "Or our friend here apparently thinks he's a suicidally love lorn romance poet of ambiguous sexuality!"
"What the smeg!?" Phil smirked "That must be his idea of a humiliating death!"
"Well, at least it doesn't sound so bad" Alex shrugged "Other than the poetry, that is..."
"It will be when it kills itself and the rest of us along with it, in a fit of romantic passion!" Cass retorted, pocketing the Psi Scanner and fumbling to bring her weapon to bear as the Simulant threw its head back and let out a low moan of despair
"Oh woe!" Garr sighed, his gravelly voice rent with emotion "Woe is me! My misery is complete!"
"Bloody hell" Cass muttered, sighting the cyborg down her rifle barrel "Here we go..."
"Ee walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in 'is aspect and 'is eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies."
Garr began walking towards Jay as he recited the stanza, a weird kind of smile playing across his lips
"What the smeg is it doing!?" Jay snapped, warily backing away, pushing Katrina behind him
"I think it's plagiarising Byron!" Cass frowned
"I say - Do you think this cyborg chappie will be available for a recital evening if I try and organise one for next week?" Seymour asked excitedly "This really is jolly good stuff!"
"Fair Jay, poor simple Jay!” Garr started again
“Garr, a young palmer in Love's eye!
They could not in the self-same mansion dwell
Without some stir of heart, some malady;
They could not sit at meals but feel how well
It soothed each to be the other by;
They could not, sure, beneath the same roof sleep
But to each other dream, and nightly weep."
"I warn you, I'll shoot!" Jay yelled, a note of panic edging into his voice as the Simulant came to a halt in front of him, it's single visible, inhumanly red eye, alive with emotion
"That was Keats!" Cass frowned "I don't like the way this is going"
"You don't like it!?" Jay asked incredulously "How do you think I feel!?"
"I beg you should kill me!" Garr growled passionately to Jay, exuding menace "Better to die by your hand, my love, than to live alone in anguished torment!"
"Hey - I think he likes you!" Jelena smirked
"Yeah, thanks for that!" Jay snapped
"Can I suggest trying not to piss him off too much?" Cass warned "The Psi Scanner seemed to indicate a deeply unstable and exceptionally needy personality!"
"So what the smeg do you suggest I do?" Jay asked, glancing nervously between Cass and Garr's beatifically mooning countenance
"You know?" the Simulant snarled dreamily "I could gaze into the limpid depths of your beautiful eyes all day long..."
"I dunno" Cass shrugged "How about trying to charm your way into getting me that memory stick lodged in his ear? - I might be able to figure out how to reprogram him"

<tag>
Anyone got any better ideas?
</tag>