The Huzard sacrifice

<snip>
"He must have hit me a Smeg'va lot harder than I thought! I could swear you look like Seymour Niples and Jay Chrysler from the time I was Captain of the Blue Dwarf. Ah... Um... You'll have to excuse me... I need take a rest now..." Then faints, falling onto the ground before them.
<end snip>

“Oh brilliant, that's all we need – more rodents.” Said Seymour sarcastically. “I knew we couldn't escape getting fleas.”
“No wait...” Jay said, bending down to peer over the body, causing Seymour clinging onto his back to almost slide over his head. “I know him. We know him. I think it's Whitewolf.”
“Are you sure? All giant rodents look the same to me.” Seymour said.

The Huzards stepped closer, chanting something they couldn't understand. “Put your front legs up and drop your weapons!” The lizards demanded, poking their spears threateningly.

Jay and Cassandra raised their hands into the air, and so did Seymour, sliding off Jay's back as he did so, and winced when his stumps hit the ground. At full height he was no taller than Mini-Phil. He felt Cassandra and Jay staring at him. “What are you gawping at?” he snapped back.

The Huzards grabbed them roughly by the shoulders and forced them to walk towards the large aztec-looking pyramid. Apart from Seymour who remained still. “I don't have any legs, how do you expect me to walk?” He said, and the lizards scratched their scaly heads. Eventually they lifted him onto a tomato beast which walked along side them. Seymour clung onto the tomato's thick shiny skin, wondering if this was all a bizarre dream.
“I say... I say...” I called to the Huzards around him. “Take us to your leader.”
“Oh well done Mister Ambassador, good negotiation skills!” Jay shouted back to him.
The closest Huzard spoke. “You'll see our leader. We're taking you to the God-King. You'll make a good sacrifice!”
“Is this... 'God-King' a floating head by any chance?”
“Yes. He is the ruler of our world. He gives us light and air.”
Seymour looked around at the dark forest. He couldn't see more than a few metres in the darkness, but could just make out some mud huts.
“Well he isn't giving you much light right now.”
“We need to make a sacrifice to make him happy.” Said the Huzard.

They started climbing up the steps of the pyramid. The two Huzards who were dragging the unconscious body of Whitewolf dragged him up the bumpy steps, catching his already bruised testicles on every step. Eventually they reached a plateau on top where there was a mechanical sliding door. Not something Seymour expected to see given the basic level of technology these Huzards had.

What looked like a priest with a big pope's hat seemed to lay ippy dippy on them. Whitewolf regained consciousness and looked around, not sure what was going on. Two Huzards were pressing spears up against his furry skin. “What's going on?”
“Ahh the rodent is awake!” Seymour said. “They're doing what looks like ippy dippy to decide who to sacrifice. I say...” He called out to the priest. “I say, this is not proper conduct for a citizen of a Jupiter Mining Corporation ship...” But the priest ignored him, landing his finger on Jay and remained pointing at him for several seconds.

“I've been ippy dippy'd to death!” Jay exclaimed.

They pushed Jay in front of the metal door, pressing a spear to his ribs so he couldn't escape. The priest looked up at a large screen above them, and the face of Holly faded into view. He had a stern look on his face, but nobody could ever really remember him smile.

“Oh God-King, we have brought you a sacrifice. A Human like you asked for!”
Holly nodded. “Put him in the chamber.” He said, sounding bored like this was routine.
“Will you give us some light for the crops?” The priest asked.
Holly nodded again and the entire arboretum was lit with floodlights from the ceiling and walls. Huzards around them and in the mud hut village below cheered.

They pushed Jay towards the metal door which slid open to reveal a very small chamber with flashing lights inside.
“Why are you doing this Holly?” Jay shouted up the to the face on the screen. Holly screwed up his eyes. “I... don't remember really.”
“Don't worry Mr Chrysler, your death will not be in vain. It's a vital step in the negotiation towards peace between our two peoples!”

Jay was pushed into the room and the metal door slid shut. It was only then that Seymour turned to Cassandra. “Do you think we should have done more to help him?”

Seymour then shouted to Holly. “Mr Holly... or 'God-King' as I know you like to be called... We're looking for the Main Access Key, where did you put it?”
Holly raised an eyebrow and was silent for a moment as he tried to remember. “Oh yeah... that sounds' familiar. I... I... didn't want anyone to take control of the Blue Dwarf while the Humans were in stasis, so I created a key.”
“Yes... and where is the key?”
“Only one person can access the key.... but I forgot his name.... Chriiii.... Chry....”
“Chrysler?” Seymour suggested.
Around him all the Huzards started to cheer as they heard the name.
“Chrysmas, Chrysmas!” They chanted.
“No not Chrysmas you morons, Chrysler!” Seymour said, then turned back to Holly. “You do realise that you've just sacrificed the one person you wanted to give the key to?”

Holly pursed his lips then looked upwards in thought. “Oh bugg- oh, no it's okay. He's in the right place!”

Inside the chamber, Jay searched for any way out. The recognised the room, it was a level 2 mining disintigrator, used for disintegrating foreign particles leaving only the material they needed. In front of him there were two lights, one was green labelled “good”, the other was red labelled “bad”. It was the red light that worried him most, meaning he'd be turned instantly into a pile of powder on the floor.
“Scanning...” Said a screen on his top left. Jay awaited the result.

To his surprise, the green light lit, and the door opened. He stepped out, to see many shocked priests. It had clearly never happened before.

“Chrysmas? The priest asked and quickly shook his hand.
“Errr... almost. Jay Chrysler, we've met.” He said. “You put me in there a minute ago remember?”
A red siren started to go off , and then fireworks above them. Almost instantly all the Huzards from the village had climbed up the pyramid and were shouting, chanting and laughing. “Chrysmas! Chrysmas!”
They grabbed Jay and lifted him into the air with pleasure.
“Seymour, they think I'm a god!” Jay laughed.
Seymour put a hand to his own face. “That's all he needs, MORE ego!” he said to himself.

Even Holly almost smiled. “I believe this is yours.” He said, and a plinth ascended from the pyramid where Jay was. It contained a small key, not dissimilar to an old fashioned car key. This was the Main Access Key.
“Is that it? Jay said.
“We have been waiting thousands of years for someone worthy enough to claim this sacred object!”

Said the priest. “Now come and feast with us, we have some celebrating to do!”

<Tag – the Huzards are inviting us for dinner. What kind of weird things do they eat? We don't want to insult their customs!>