Seymour - "The Child Killer"

Who: Seymour, Jayne, some other security bods
Where: Outside the Captains quarters
When: After the spaghetti grenade went off
<snip>
A fat Mollopod climbed up the pile of Jay's household items which Seymour had
made and did a belly flop straight onto Jayne. Her hands were tied up in
spaghetti, but she managed to free her legs and give the fat alien a severe knee
to the stomach. He fell backwards and she stomped onto his face and pinned him
down.
"Shoot him!" She cried. But everybody else was struggling to untangle themselves
out of the pasta.
<end snip>
Seymour did his best to untangle the paste from around his arms, not that he
would even know what to do when he had. Did Jayne want him to shoot the Mollopod
whilst she pinned him down. Shoot him at point blank range?
He'd get Mollopod goo all over his suit!
Jayne was struggling with the fat slug, and it looked like she was about to
loose the battle. He started to roll over onto her, forcing a roll of sticky
flab into her face. Jayne gasped for breath as the disgusting creature smothered
her.
Seymour looked to either side of him, both of the Security idiots were totally
tangled, and couldn't get anywhere near their guns, and neither could he.
"Sorry Miss Chrysler." Seymour said, assuming it would be the last thing she'd
ever hear.
BANG.
The sound of a hand-held mining bazukoid almost burst Seymour eardrums. The
Mollopod's back erupted as the skin tore, unleashing the slug's juices all over
Jayne.
Seymour looked over towards who had pulled the trigger, and he didn't believe
it. He rubbed his eyes to make sure, but still didn't believe it.
Stood there, less than three feet tall, was his very young daughter. She was
only a little older than a toddler, and had barely learned how to speak. But
there she was, pointing a smoking pistol at the Mollopod.
She grinned. "Daddy, Daddy! Dya see dat?" She said. "Bang, bang, bang!" She
said, and jumped up and down in excitement.
Seymour felt fear in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't take his eyes from the
lethal weapon that his young daughter was holding.
"Bang, bang!" She said. "Your Ded!"
"Alota!" Seymour shouted a little bit too loudly. "Put that gun down now, it's
not a toy!"
Alota was stunned, and then dropped the gun onto the floor. Luckily it didn't go
off as it hit the metal floor tile.
Alota was so stunned by the harshness of her fathers voice that she immediately
started crying. She just didn't understand why he wasn't proud of her.
"Dadddyyyyyyy" She cried and ran towards her dad for a hug, who just stood
there. He was suddenly aware of Jayne looking at him.
"She saved my life!" Said Jayne.
Seymour stood up. "She's only four years old!" He shouted at Jayne. "Where did
she get such a dangerous weapon?!"
"Emergency Armament Directive" said a voice, walking up behind Alota, it was
Rosette.
"What?" Seymour asked, still hugging his crying daughter.
"Emergency Armament Directive" Rosette repeated. "It's the order the Captain
gave just before the Mollopods came onboard."
Seymour face was blank. He turned to look at Jayne, who nodded slowly.
"It's in the Space Corps manual of directives." She said. "The Emergency
Armament Directive means that every single person aboard the ship is to be
armed."
"Not CHILDREN surely?!" Seymour said.
Jayne shrugged. "Why not? It doesn't say!"
"Common sense!" Said Seymour. "Has this ship gone mad?!"
"Sorry Seymour." Said Rosette, "But we were just following orders."
"What about Health and Safety?" Seymour asked. "Where's that annoying German
chap, he'll have something to say about this." He thought for a moment. "So to
what extent do you arm everyone? Are there coma patients in medi-bay with
machine guns strapped to them? Are there nuns running around with flick knifes?"
"It's the Emergency Armament Directive!" Rosette said again.
Seymour fumed. "Right, well I'm going to take this up with the Captain!" He
said, and stormed off, pulling Alota along with him.
"She's the one who gave the order!" Rosette called after him.
"Right, well I'm going to report the Health and Safety infraction to Wolfgang
Sweetsly." Seymour called back, then stopped and turned. "No. I'm going to
report this to an Admiral."
Rosette slapped her hand to her face. "Seymour, don't." She said. "Enough's gone
wrong lately with Jay being fired, we don't want and Admiral coming to visit and
finding fault with everything we do. He'll do an inspection and we'll all have
to work harder."
"Plus we'd have to wear proper uniforms." Said Jayne. "And iron them."
"We'd have to all do more cleaning, making sure all our rooms are spotless..."
Said Rosette.
"Good!" Said Seymour, "It'll force you all to shape up!"
Jayne and Rosette groaned, and Seymour left.
------------------------------------
Who: Acting-Captain Amber Febuggure, Seymour and Alota
Where: The Captain's office
When: 30 minutes later
"I can't believe you made that order!" Seymour said, whilst Amber read through
the list of Space Corps directives. Alota sat in the corner of the room on the
carpet playing with some rare collectible Transformers which Jay used to have on
his desk.
Amber scrutinised the book of directives and went white. "Oh god. Sorry!" She
said. "The 'Emergency Armament Directive' really does mean that you have to give
a gun to literally everyone onboard." She looked up. "What a stupid rule! Who
the smeg wrote such a stupid book of worthless directives! Only a true idiot
could have come up with a book of such rubbish. Who takes them seriously
anyway?"
Seymour waved his hands over his face. "Don't worry." He said. "But what I
really do want to talk to you about is very serious." He said.
"Oh?" Said Amber. "More important than being invaded by giant slugs? More
important than being lost in space with no way to get back to Earth? More
important than mistakenly giving a gun to a four year old girl?" She sighed.
"It's something to do with your antique furniture isn't it?"
"No." Said Seymour, and leaned closer to her over the Captain's desk.
"Then what? Your wine rack?"
"No. This is very serious." he said. "I want you to arrest.... Rosette."
Amber's brow furrowed, and she leaned back in Jays chair. Then she laughed. "For
what reason? Why should I arrest Rosette?"
"She's a Hymenoptera spy." Seymour said. "I'm certain of it."
Amber laughed again. "Based on what information?"
"Well..." Seymour stumbled for what to say next. "I... I... just know!" He
leaned forward again. "Remember Edward Monsoon? He was a Hymenoptera all along
and we didn't know. Then one day he just flipped and went crazy. I warn you...
Rosette will do the same."
<Tag Amber, whats your response to this?>