Seymour - "Emergency nappy changing"

Who: Seymour and Baby Alota
Where: Seymour's apartment, Blue Dwarf
When: As Spidette is destroying the Promenade
Seymour grinned as he looked around his lavish apartment. He was so proud of his
own decorating style that it made him incredibly frustrated that he hadn't been
holding enough parties to show off how great it was. He lovingly stroked his
17th century walnut cupboard, and gently patted his camphor wood coffee table.
He inhaled deeply as he looked around proudly at his apartment. In his opinion,
it truly was fit for royalty. Except for Queen Brittany, she wouldn't appreciate
his fine furniture if it attacked her. But it was fit for "proper" royalty, like
Henry VIII or Richard II. He wondered if he could find a device to travel in
time and bring them both back to his apartment for a cocktail party. He hoped
Henry VIII would use a coaster though, he didn't want rings on his immaculately
clean surfaces.
As he breathed him, he smelled something that just wasn't quite right.
"Oooh. That smells a bit pooey." Said the Ambassador.
He walked over to Baby Alota, who was sitting in an ornate Victorian cot. She
was looking thoroughly bored as he refused to buy her any toys that didn't match
the colour scheme of the room.
He held her up and sniffed her nappy. Then he scowled.
"Alota honey, you're getting a bit too old for nappies now. When can you just
learn to use the toilet like other civilised Human beings?"
Alota stared at him and burbled.
"You're a Niples. You're upper class. Upper class people don't poo themselves do
they?"
"Poo poo!" Said Alota happily.
"No!" Said Seymour. "Bad baby! You do not say poo poo. You say 'excrement'."
"Poo poo!" Alota repeated, and clapped her chubby little hands together.
"Excrement!"
"Exxxrrreeee" She said with a furrowed brow.
"Almost there. Tomorrow I'll teach you how to say
'antidisestablishmentarianism'." He said.
"Poo poo!" She said and giggled.
Seymour rolled his eyes. "Alright. But just don't say it when I invite royalty
round. It's embarrassing." He said.
Alota laughed. Seymour put her down again to go and find a clean nappy for her
to change into.
He looked inside one of his antique wooden pieces of furniture. Suddenly Alota
was sitting on top.
"Alota stop it!"
She vanished into a blue wormhole and appeared on another side of the room.
"Alota. Stop that right now!" he said.
She giggled and vanished again. This time appearing back in her cot.
"Good girl." He said.
This might seem like unusual behaviour for a child, but Alota was far from
ordinary. Seymour only found out after Alota was born that her mother was an
alien, from a place called the Karangeth dimension where apparently everyone
looked like rabbits. Seymour tried not to tell too many people about this,
especially about the fluffy rabbit's tail Alota had.
"Okay nappy changing time!" Seymour said with as much enthusiasm as he could
muster. Normally, Seymour would pay someone else to change her nappies, because
it was such a filthy job and Seymour hated anything with the possibility of
getting his hands dirty – especially in baby crap.
But he was so paranoid that people would see Alota's furry tail and take her to
TransMed for study. He'd fought for a long time last year when Alota was
kidnapped by TransMed for "medical research".
He whipped off her stinky nappy and quickly put a new one on. With his face
turned away he carried the filthy one to the bin, trying not to gag.
"Okay Alota, that's the last nappy. I'll get Jay to order someone to bring me
some more later."
Alota disappeared into a wormhole and appeared on the far side of the room.
"Poo poo!" She said.
"No!" Said Seymour, guessing what was coming. Alota tensed up and looked like
she was concentrating. A few moments later, a fresh smell wafted over Seymour's
nostrils.
"Oh Alota, not again!" He shouted. "That was the last clean nappy! I'll have to
go and get some more."
He opened the door and headed out into the rest of the ship. "Wait there Alota,
I'll be back soon!"
The door closed, leaving Alota alone in the apartment. She sucked her thumb.
"Antidisestablishmentarianism!" She said, and vanished.
---------------------------
Who: Seymour
Where: Promenade
When: As Spidette was on the rampage
Seymour looked around at the destruction and devastation. Windows had been
smashed, bodies were littering the street, and small fires had been set off.
"Good lord!" Sad Seymour. "What happened here? Was there a football match?"
Chris Harris ran across the Promenade, hiding behind columns and billboards. He
was swinging around a bazukoid, ready to fire at anything that moved. He spotted
Seymour and walked over, pulling the Ambassador into the safety of a trashed
coffee shop.
"Seymour, you can't be here. It's dangerous."
"What happened?"
"It's Rosette. She's turned into a Hymenoptera."
"I know it!" Said Seymour. "I said she couldn't be trusted!"
Harris sighed, but nodded. "I need you to leave. We'll have dealt with the
situation in just a few hours."
"I can't I need a nappy!" Seymour said. "Wait. What do you mean 'dealt with the
situation'? Are you going to kill her?"
Harris shrugged. "I'm not sure. But if it comes to that. Yes."
"Wait!" Said Seymour. "But that's Rosette! We used to live together..."
"I'm sorry Seymour. I know you're friends..."
"Wait. 'Friends' is a bit strong. Acquaintances. I have seen her partially naked
running from the shower though. She's a very elegant girl despite her annoying
habits."
"Well she's not very elegant at the moment. She's an eight legged killing
machine." Harris reloaded his weapon with a satisfying click.
They both heard a disturbance, and looked to see the giant spider attacking the
front of the strip club "club fister", trying to get path the blockade that had
been set-up from the inside.
"There she is!" Said Harris.
"Good. You distract her, I'll go get the nappies." Said Seymour.
<TBC/Tag>
---------------------------
Who: Cassandra, Jayne
Where: Club fister
When: While Rosette is outside
Cassandra and Jayne struggled to hold the upturned table over the entrance,
blocking Spidette from getting in.
The table shattered, and Spidette pushed her way through the entrance and into
the club. Cassandra and Jayne backed away, looking around for anything they
could use for a weapon.
Rosette looked certain she was about to lunge, when a small blue shimmer in
front of her caught her attention. Directly in front of them appeared a small
baby through a wormhole.
"That's Seymour's baby. Why's she here!" Jayne shouted.
"Aww, look she's got a cute little bunny's tail!" Said Cassandra.
<Tag – what happens next? Is Spidette evil enough to kill a baby? Do Jayne or
Cassandra have mothering instincts? Maybe they will use the baby as bait? Who
knows!>