Efof + Jay - "Flattened Admiral"

Who: Efof Yuwan'Kar (normal size) and Captain Jay Chrysler (tiny)
Where: Parrotts bar
When: Now
Efof strolled into Parrotts bar with a big grin on his face. He'd just finished
an incredibly boring shift in the Drive-Room, where he'd sat at the Navigation
computer with absolutely no navigating to do as the ship had been stationary for
over a week. Also the Captain wasn't there, so there was nobody to give him any
orders. Efof had played solitare on his work computer, and did some finger
painting, whilst counting down the minutes before he could come to Parrotts and
drink his favourite Human cocktails.
"Barman, one WooWoo please!" Efof said excitedly as he entered the
establishment. Then he looked around and realised something was different. Efof
was slower than most people, but even he could tell what it was that was
unusual. The entire room was empty.
It was empty apart from a cat, which was sat in the corner of the bar, clawing
at a green bottle of Mollopod Vodka on the optics.
"Here, pussy pussy pussy!" Efof called, but the cat ignored him. It clawed at
the bottle and knocked it off the bar, where it rolled and smashed onto the
floor. Efof went around behind the bar and lifted the cat onto his shoulder.
"Hey pusskins, you're making a mess!" he said gently. Then almost dropped the
feline as the voice of his boss came from somewhere close.
"Well done Efof. That stupid moggy has been trying to get me all day."
"Jay?" Efof said. "...Erm... I mean Captain Jay? Where are you?"
A very small Captain Chrysler stepped out from behind another bottle of spirits
and into the gap where the bottle of Mollopod Vodka had been.
"Jay... I mean Captain. Why are you so small?" Efof asked, holding the cat back
as it squirmed, trying to get at the mouse-sized Human. He threw it into the
store cupboard.
"Long story. The Admiral brought the new Holly computer core in a briefcase that
shrinks everything in it, it malfunctioned and shrunk everyone in the pub."
"Oh I see." Said Efof, not really understanding. "So you're in some trouble
then?"
"No. YOU'RE in trouble." Said Jay.
Efof looked around in confusion. "What? What did I do?"
"You stepped on the Admiral on the way in."
"Oh bollocks!" Efof said, and lifted up his shoe to see the underneath. Sure
enough, there was a flat Admiral Phillips on the bottom. "Oh frelling bollocks!"
Efof said. "I've murdered an Admiral!"
"Don't worry." Said Jay, stepping forward and putting a tiny hand on his giant
arm. "We can say it was an accident/ She died in the course of duty."
"But you don't understand!" Efof started to sob. "I'm an alien. I don't have the
same rights as everyone else. If the Space Corps finds out I killed an Admiral,
they'll... I dunno... declare war on me or something!"
Efof peeled the small Admiral off his show and put her two-dimensional corpse on
the bar. "What shall I do?"
"I'll arrange for her body to be sent back to Earth. Don't worry Efof I'll sort
it." Jay said reassuringly.
"I'm sorry for causing you trouble Jay." Efof sobbed.
"Don't worry. It's not a problem. She'll probably fit in an envelope anyway!"
Efof sobbed some more. Jay pushed a glass underneath the beer pump, and climbed
up Efof's arm to get enough leverage to pull down the tap. Beer started to flow
into the glass.
"Here you go, have a drink and forget all about it." He said.
Efof gulped from the glass and then put the drink down.
"Thanks Jay I feel much better."
"Erm... Efof, it probably won't help things if you use the Admiral as a drinks
coaster."
"Oh God!" Efof said and quickly took his pint off the flattened Admiral.
Efof sipped a bit more of the beer, and calmed down. Jay then started to explain
his plan.
"We need to get back to the normal size. As fun as it is being three inches tall
(which isn't fun at all by the way), I think it's probably easier to Captain a
starship when you're the normal size.
Efof nodded. "So how can you get back to normal?"
"Lets go and see Rufus. He's probably the smartest person I know, he's good with
this sort of thing."
-------------------------------------------------
Who: Efof, Jay, Rufus
Where: Science lab
When: 30 minutes later
Efof walked into the science laboratory, just as several chemicals exploded in
scientists faces.
"It's good to see the Science Labs budget is being used wisely." The Captain
said.
Rufus's lab was at the back of the main labs, and Efof knocked before entering.
Jay was being gripped firmly in Efof's third hand. When Efof stopped walking,
Jay was almost sick.
"I'm glad I've sobered up." Said the Captain. "Being carried by you should be a
ride at Alton Towers!"
They entered Rufus' lab, which was a room covered by mechanical components,
wires and pipes. Efof placed the briefcase down onto a table covered in computer
motherboards and blue wires.
"What's that?" Rufus asked.
"The new Holly." Jay said, stood on Efof's held out palm.
"It can't be." Said Rufus. "It's too small. And so are you by the way!"
Jay nodded.
"The last computer core was several hundred levels deep!" Rufus said.
"This briefcase uses miniaturisation technology." Jay explained. "Trust me, the
core's in there. It's just really small."
Rufus opened the case and took out a cylinder the size of a toilet roll. "So
this is Holly? An IQ of 6000 all locked away in here?"
"Yes well don't break it!" Said Jay. "Or he'll be as useless as the last Holly
we had, who had an IQ of something with a six in it, but I don't think it had
any zeros."
Rufus replaced the computer core. "Let me guess. You want to know how to reverse
the effects and get back to normal size?"
"Yes please." Said Jay. Who was now pacing up and down the palm of Efof's blue
hand.
"The suitcase can reverse the effect." Said Rufus. "But it needs a scan of the
Admiral's fingerprint."
"Bugger." Said Efof.
"Bit of a problem." Said Jay. "The Admiral has been three inches tall like me
until this afternoon."
"Oh, so she's back to normal now?" asked Rufus.
"Oh, no. She's still three inches tall. She's just no inches wide." As Jay said
this Efof winced.
"Sorry again about that."
Rufus ran a psi-scanner over the suitcase. "There's a programme ready to run to
put the new Holly into place. After that, we can ask Holly to break the
encryption on the suitcase."
"Can he do that?"
"Holly has an IQ of 6000, or course he can!" Rufus said optimistically. "He can
do anything!"
Jay rubbed the back of his neck nervously and had a worried look on his face.
"Riiiiight."
"I'll eject the old computer core from here. That'll give you space." Said
Rufus. "Just head down there now and it should just replace itself."
Jay nodded. "Okay. Easy." He said. "Oh, Efof... can you carry me down there
please?"
Efof sighed. "My shift ended ages ago, I was really looking forward to a Woo W-"
He saw his Captain scowl at him. "Okay then." He said and picked up the
suitcase, and put the tiny Jay on his shoulder.
"See ya Rufus buddy!" He said, and they left.
<Tag Andy, or TBC >