Chris - \"Houston - We have a problem\"

Who: Chris Harris & other crewmembers
When: After the Space Eagle returned from 'dropping' Mk.10 & Rosette off
Where: A starbug
"Lieutenant Commander Harris?" said a random ensign, to the commanding officer of this particular starbug, who was, at that moment in time, taking a nap in the co-pilot's chair.
"NO!" yelled Chris as he awoke, quickly standing up with his hand on his abdomen.
"Sir?"
"Err...nothing to worry about. What's the proble....why are you sitting in the science officer's chair? You're a security officer"
"We forgot to bring any science officers"
"Nice forward planning. Who's ass do I have to kick for that smart move?"
"That would be your ass, sir"
"Ah. Erm. What's the problem?" Chris asked the ensign, attempting to distract him from his own incompetence.
"There's a blip on the radar"
"Why the fuck didn't you say that at the start of this conversation?"
yelled Chris, dashing to look at the radar.
"We're out of its range"
"Well clearly we're not or it wouldn't be on the smegging radar would it!?" he continued yelling, his fury at this moment completely obvious, "Bring us about" he ordered the pilot.
The ship turned 180 degrees in space, now facing the Blue Dwarf. They could now see a pulse cannon aiming directly at them and firing.
"Sir, they're firing, and it's much faster than the last one - I think the last one missed us"
"Are they really? No shit, Sherlock. EVASIVE MANEUVERS" he shouted, "Get out of that bloody chair!" he added, to the officer in the science officer's chair, who was tapping the screen with his finger and smiling like an idiot before he realised that the blip he was tapping was heading straight for them.
Chris took the position and stared blankly at the screen, which was currently showing a barrage of pulse cannon fire heading their way. He pressed a few buttons to complete a scan of the Blue Dwarf, letting out a few choice swear words when the information that appeared on the screen terrified him.
"Activate the ship-to-ship comms device, I need to speak to the captain" he said, the officer who had taken the co-pilots chair doing as he asked.
"Jay, we've got a serious, serious problem" he said, turning to the pilot "Continue evasive manoeuvres"
"What is it, Chris? If it's so bad, how come nobody else noticed anything besides your ship?"
"That'd be because you were paying attention to discussing whether Rosette is going to screw us over, now that she's over there, I'd assume" retorted Chris. "The problem is, something fired us and is continuing to fire at us. It transpired to be one of the Blue Dwarf's pulse cannons, despite that fact that we're out of range"
"What!?!?!?!?!" screamed Jay, accidentally spitting on the monitor.
"I had a bit of an investigate. It looks like Holly has reconfigured the cannons and ship defences. They can now fire a lot further, faster and the targeting system is improved too"
"Ok. We need a virtual conference like the Jedi did in 'Revenge of the Sith'" said Jay.
"Or a toastie!"
"SHUT UP, DEAN!" yelled Chris and Jay in unison.
"What about a real conference?" asked Dean.
"Why? That's completely implausible!" said Jay.
"Ah! But hear me out. Because we can provide refreshments..."
Chris raised an eyebrow.
"...and then if they don't all agree we can just poison their cheese and ham toasties."
"SHUT UP DEAN!" yelled Jay.
"You're right." said Dean, shaking his head. "What a waste of a toastie..."
"Jay, we're going to get the shit shot out of us if we don't do something about it soon. I vote we destroy the cannons" said Chris, having to shout as a blast of pulse cannon fire hit the starbug.
"You call that evasive manoeuvres?" Jay heard him scream over the radio.
"Jay, we're getting slaughtered here. We're just not fast enough. So, unless you've got any better ideas, I know what I'm going to do" he said, turning to the pilot once again, "Return fire!" he ordered.
<Tag>
OOC - Dean's creator and former player helped me with some of the toastie skit, credit goes to him.
Thought I'd make things interesting.
If this message shows up again, I've posted it twice, as the last one was sent well over an hour ago. Also, this one is the slightly edited and refined version.