Seymour - "Queen problems"

Who: Seymour, baby Alota, Queen Brittany, Lester, SNIDE, Dai
Where: On a Starbug
When: After rescuing baby Alota finally, yey!
Seymour sat in the midsection of the Starbug with baby Alota on his knee. He
held a bottle up to her lips but the small child kept moving her head away.
"Drink you infernal child!" Seymour said. "I travelled halfway across the
galaxy, fought countless devellishly large armadillos, and brought down an
entire Corporation to get you back. Now just drink from this damned bottle!"
"Who fought the Armadillos?" Dai said sarcastically.
"That's a bit over dramatic Seymour." Said Brittany. "We were all there. It
wasn't just you you know!"
Seymour shrugged. "Well I might have had some help along the way." Seymour said
arrogantly. Brittany pursed her lips in annoyance and stomped out of the room,
only turning to shout "We'll see whose story gets printed first in VOGUE shall
we?"
Seymour shook his head. "Don't you mean The SUN? Or The Daily Star? They'll
probably condense the entire adventure down into one little paragraph which
they'll put in a speech bubble next to another one of your 'risque' photos."
Brittany had just left the room when she heard this, so popped her head back
around the door. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"
Seymour shrugged. "You know EXACTLY what is means." He said. "Any excuse to get
your top off."
"Excuse me?" Brittany shot back.
"Sorry" Seymour said quickly. "Any excuse to get your top off – ma'am."
Brittany nodded. "That's better." She said and grinned.
Seymour shook his head. "Really Ma'am. Is there not something else you can do to
retain popularity?" He tried again to force the bottle into Alota's mouth but
she turned away. "Is the galaxy such a fickle place these days that you have to
get naked to get their respect? All of your heritage... all of the grand history
of the Royal family, all the way from Harold II, through to Henry VIII,
Elizabeth, Charles II, Queen Victoria..."
"All dead Seymour!" Brittany snapped. "All dead. And the world that they lived
in has gone."
Seymour shrugged. "But the heritage..."
"Nobody cares about Heritage anymore." She sat down next to him. "Nobody cares
about a Queen. Especially in a galaxy as large as this one, nobody cares about
someone whose ancestors once rules a tiny part of an insignificant planet."
"Yes they do!" Said Seymour.
"Oh yeah? Who?"
Seymour looked around the room. Lester shrugged, Dai put the palms of his hands
up flat as if to say 'don't ask me'.
"See! That's why I degrade myself! It's the only thing I have! If I go on about
tradition, nobody's interested! But if I get my norks out... at least lads are
like 'wahay'!"
"Please ma'am! Not in front of the baby." Seymour shielded his and Alota's eyes.
An alert siren caused them all to rush to the Starbug's cockpit.
"Coming up to the Blue Dwarf, we are." Said Dai checking the instruments. "Looks
like the crew are on the planet. I'll land shall I?"
Seymour nodded and Dai took them into a gentle dive towards the planet.
Seymour put a comforting hand on Brittany's shoulder. "I've just checked the
Wikipedia article for this planet." He said. "It's the Kingdom of Little
Cheftonia. Looks like the King is young free and single."
"Ewww Seymour! I'm not dating a Mollopod. I bet he looks like a huge slimy ball
of puss."
Seymour brought up a picture and she cringed. "But even still... How about
meeting up with him. He's a respected leader, maybe you can get some tips on how
to be a 'proper' Queen?"
She glared at him. "I don't need tips!"
"Fine. Suit yourself." Said Seymour and picked up a copy of 'Galactic Sluts'
that was for some reason under the console. It opened at a full page spread of
Brittany naked, holding a Psi-scanner across both nipples. She saw it and
cringed.
"Okay okay! I'll go for a chat." She said.
As they entered the atmosphere, Seymour gasped. "Get back into orbit, now!" He
called. "It says on Wikipedia that the Mollopods cancelled all ties with Humans
a few days ago, for apparently working with the Hymenoptera? They are now sworn
enemies."
"You could have told me this before we got through the atmosphere couldn't you?"
Said Dai.
"I didn't know before!"
"Too late!" Cried Lester, who was looking at the radar screen. "Incoming
fighters."
Two fighter craft, both the same size as the Starbug appeared in the sky. They
physically materialised there as they were beamed into atmosphere from their
hangers below. Another materialised in front of them and just hung there.
"Humans are sworn enemies of the Mollopod people and must die!" Was all they
heard through the Starbug's speakers before a blast of energy was fired into
them, and destroyed one of the engines.
<Tag J! >