Rufus, Dysart - 'Jed-back-spider'

Who: Dysart, Rufus
Where: Outside Rufus's lab
When: Directly after my previous post
<Snip>
"Hey! This is a hazardous cleanup zone! Evacuate immediately!"
<End snip>
Rufus barely managed to make eye contact before his arms practically
swept his keyboard away in panic. "No Amber I'm not playing God in my
room again I-! Wait, who are you?" The young scientist stammered out
his barely formulated excuse before realising the face in the door was
a man.
Dysart wasn't sure if that said something about either him or Amber.
Giving the electric door a few pitiful yanks Dysart gave up and simply
yelled out through the small hole. "My name isn't important, what is
important is that there is an acid leak on the next deck. So grab
whatever you can carry and follow me!"
"Leave, I can't leave- you don't understand what I'm doing right
now!!" Rufus yelled back but nevertheless began gathering whatever he
knocked to the floor.
"What are you talking about-... what a minute... darkened room, manic
clattering of keyboard, possessed look on your face and sudden stark
reaction to discovery...." His right hand lifted to clasp his
non-existant chin. Like lightening striking he quickly leveled his
hand accusingly at the boy.
"Where you looking at-?!"
"NO!! I was trying to bring my mother back to life!"
The AI stopped and blinked mindlessly at Rufus. "Thats it? Why don't
you just wait a while, people these days barely even know the meaning
of death! Holograms *all over* the place! I bet Jed Calvert is
probably walking around the upper decks making suggestive comments to
female superior officers."
"...really?" Rufus replied softly, his lone hand sneakily clattering
along the keyboard while his mouth kept the crazy man occupied.
Once again the Janitor/Hacker/AI/Australian (shit this list is getting
long) stared utterly deadpan at the boy. "Hell no! How stupid is
that!? I've read the obituaries, Jed's dead- deader than dead! Now
take what you can grab and let's go before I blow this door open and
sling you over my shoulder!!"
Seconds before he could do said act the tanoy suddenly blasted out
Amber's voice. "This is the captain, I need security teams all over
the ship, we have a Hymenoptera on the loose!"
Dysart glared at the speaker disbelievingly. "I swear that woman is
bloody precognitive." He sucked in a virtual breath before turning
back to Rufus. "Look, take your hard drive or whatever you've got and
let's just get going! We'll talk about it on the way."
~~~
Where: Down the hall
When: Seconds later
Dysart, armed with... well... nothing, trail blazed in front of the
scientist. The AI's eyes tracked for movement wherever he could find
it. Surly and Leatherhead had already been warned of the sudden
breakout and had already made their way to the nearest express lift.
That said it was hard enough to convince them to even do that; Leather
head wanted it as a new chitinous couch and Surly wanted it with white
wine.
Along the way Rufus trailed a few steps behind, holding a small
recorder up to his mouth he quickly made some mental notes under his
breath.
"...The information lines are backed up from all the new repairs, if I
want to get the backup of my mother's-"
Thanks to the tweaked-out sensors in his ears Dysart could practically
hear a pin drop... well... at least when they're not picking up
country music radio stations. "I'm not taking you down to the AI back
up servers if that's what you're thinking. That place has been under
lock down for years."
"What? Why's that?!" Although startled at first, Rufus was never one
to deny learning.
"Coolet leak- it's been like that for nearly 3 years, why do you think
Holly is so weird?" While he was still human Dysart wouldn't dare go
near the stuff, especially on the wages he was getting paid- which was
pretty much nothing. "Besides no-one really cares enough to try to
renew his programming after that system bug nearly 9 years ago."
Almost as through the god of plot exposition had had enough of the
gratuitous language, the maintenance vent to the side of the hall
exploded outwards and smacked against the wall as through it was made
of aluminum foil. Knowing the JMC's recent budget expenditures Dysart
didn't put it past them.
Then came the nightmare fuel.
At first it was just a single arachnid appendage that poked itself out
of the hole, then came another... and another... and another. When
finally a small scruffy beastily face poked through.
The beast's eyes bulged comically as it realised that it was stuck.
Swivilingly around like a dog trying to lick it's neck, the
spider-like creatured suddenly rested it's eyes... and nostirils on
the two men men who where simply observing the insanity. "*Sniff,
Sniff* Ahhh... Amber, hello again-!" The struggling stopped as a thick
texan accent fell from the creature's jaws. With an almighty heave the
spider wrenched itself forward making a few 'spider' cracks in the
metal wall but doing little else. "My, my, my... I do believe my nose
had betrayed me. Hello Little Rufus."
"Jesus Christ superstar on a pogo-stick... dual wielding rocket
launchers." Rufus quickly added, only hoping that such a god existed
for moments like giant mutant Texan spiders.
"You have got to be f$#%ing kidding." Dysart added in a more
pedestrian fashion.
At this the beast rounded on the construct with sudden relish.
"AHHHH!! That voice... I remember you son... but you smell different
and so does your face.... I'm not the only one that changed- eh Andy?"
"Andy?!" Rufus stopped for a moment before cupping his chin in his
hand. "Wait...who's Andy again...?"
Dysart, if he had tear ducts would be crying like a school girl at
this moment. "WHY is it that nobody remember me... BUT THE 10 FOOT
WERE-SIPDER?!"
At this the spider let out a long hissing chuckle. "How could I
forget? You killed me... and ruined my beautiful dreams of a ship
filled with nothing but black jack and hookers!!"
For once, Dysart actually felt a measure of pride in Andy's actions-
at least he wasn't killing children he could at least take out this
prick. "I guess really are a Texas zombie now aren't you?"
"Ah' you look good enough to- ARGH!!" The spider-Jed's most likely
witty retort was quickly drowned out a well placed flask of G.U.N.K
curiosity of Rufus's lower left thigh pocket.
"Oh shit Rufus, that was awesome!" Dysart's holographic face exploded
into glee at seeing Jed's face melt like it opened the ark of the
convent.
Rufus didn't have time to bask in his moment of bad-assery as he
quickly turned to Dysart yelling. "C'mon, let's get going!!"
<Tagging... anybody>
And now for something completely different.
Spider-Jed, Spider-Jed, roughly the size of a tool shed!
Eats a steak any size, Gonna have it with beer and fries!
Oh shit! Here comes the Spider-Jed!
Is he strong? Listen, bud, he's got Hymenoptrean blood!
Can he climb through a vent? Take a look under yer bed!
Hey there! There goes the Spider-Jed!
While was still a man, he liked the taste of beer
But right he's a fan, (pause) of your tasty fear!
Spider-Jed, Spider-Jed, antagonistic Spider-Jed!
Wealth and fame- he's been screwed, now on your leg he will chew!
To him, life is a great big piss-up!
Wherever there's a stick-up, you'll find the Spider-Jed!!!