RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Pancake tries to kill everyone again

> Who: Lester, Justin and Callum Kochanski> Where: Latest Blue Dwarf> When: Far too long into the process> [CK] jabbed a few buttons. "Dammit, we're locked out. Permissions have> been changed by... guess who... Justin Smegging Pancake."
> "It wasn't me! I don't want us to die. Why would I risk killing myself> too?"
> "Maybe you're just a sick smegger?" Callum said. He kicked the door> and coughed as the gas tickled the back of his threat. There was> nowhere that the noxious gas couldn't reach now and the air was> getting thick with it. "We're going to die and it's your fault!"> > Justin sat down in the corner of the room and sulked.> >
Lester panicked, but in a very quiet, understated sort of way. Justin had been ribbing him incessantly about his engineering EVA suit for the last two days, but to be honest, anything was better than the shame of facing all of these other Lesters doing so damn well for themselves. Almost without thinking, in the strange calm of his own panic, he slipped the suit's helmet on and clamped it down. Great, so now he was going to live, long enough to starve to death in a blocked room with two corpses.
 
SNIDE was scuttling around the floor making panicking beep-beep noises. Lester bent down, scooped him up and held him to face height. Then he pulled an arm back above his head (difficult in the EVA suit) and hurled SNIDE at the ceiling. Then he began a game of charades, indicating what he wanted SNIDE to do. SNIDE watched him for a minute or so, then shrugged, indicating that he and Lester shared a mental connection and they'd both had the same idea at the same time. Lester's hands dropped to his sides and he sighed, fogging up the helmet's glass.
 
SNIDE scuttled across the pipes and cabling in the ceiling, skittered to one of the vents pumping out gas and assaulted the grille covering it. The tiny robot slipped inside and there followed the sounds of pitched battle, machine vs. other machine. It took a while, far too long really, CK was crumpled on the floor, haivng shouted, he inhaled more gas than anyone else and Justin was sobbing in between wracking coughs.
 
The sound of air-circulators activating came as a blessed relief and SNIDE popped out of another vent, covered in the wreckage of wires and bits of fan that had previously been pumping toxic gas into the chamber. It climbed up Lester's legs, to his arms and shoulder and made "Rocky" style "I am the Champ" gestures.
 
Lester helped Justin to his feet first and pointed at CK, Justin looked.
 
"Yeah, he's dead."
 
Lester scowled and pointed more fiercely at the prostrate engineer. "Ok, OK, I'll actually look," Justin sighed, coughed, then leaned over CK. Lester clubbed him hard on the back of the head with his metal hand, Justin pitched forward over CK and lay still, leaving Lester looking extremely worried at what he'd just done.
 
With the threat of imminent suffocation now a recent, painful, memory, Lester began taking down the intricate protocol hacks Justin had implemented in such a short time. He re-established normal AI control of the doors and they hissed open, revealing the very worried form of the torso-only Jay Chrysler and the torso-only guards with little helmet-mounted blasters. Lester found himself vaguely wondering how they even built the ship. Or put their clothes on...
 
"What the hell happened?" Limbless Chrysler demanded. Lester tried to explain as best he could and asked for some sort of restraint for Justin before he wakes up.
 
"Like what?"
 
"Uh," Lester thought, "handcuffs?"
 
"What cuffs?"
 
Lester frowned, this was going to be difficult. "Rope, cables, belts, anything."
 
"Oh belts, restraint belts. Got loads of them." Chrysler sent some guards shuffling off to find them. They returned with devices designed to hold somebody's waist firmly in place and prevent them wiggling their buttocks to get away. "No good?"
 
"No," Lester sighed, "no good at all." He took a welding torch from his kit and began sealing bits of wreckage around Justin's hands and feet.
 
"You know," Limbless Chrysler was saying as Lester worked, "these things... what'd you call them?"
 
"Arms," Lester mumbled as he worked.
 
"Yeah, them. They look like a great idea. Maybe the tech boys could knock something up?"
 
Lester finished binding Justin's hands and feet. CK was still out cold and he was going to need some help getting them off ship and back to their Blue Dwarf. Smeg knows what was going on elsewhere in the bizarre fleet. It was time they got back. Lester contacted his Mechanoid repair suite on Blue Dwarf prime. The Kryten Series 4000 he'd had in for repairs answered.
 
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
 
"Fine, Kryten, listen I need you help."
 
"Oh wonderful sir. I was just sitting here contemplating another hour of complete lack of anything to do and was verging on putting an impact drill through my cerebellum when I realised what an unfortunate mess that would make and knew that there'd be no-one left to tidy up afterwards. So I didn't."
 
"Great, listen..."
 
"I don't want to worry you sir, but if there was a way I could cease my function tidily, I'd appreciate it. But since you deactivated my automatic replacement subroutine and claimed me as salvage I have rather been waiting to enter Silicon Heaven for the last few weeks."
 
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I need..."
 
"Because I could join my brothers and sisters in electronic nirvana, contemplating the mysteries of the universe alongside the deceased remains of photocopiers and ..."
 
"For smeg's sake Kryten shut up!"
 
"Sorry sir. Oh how can you forgive me. Going on so when there is work to be done. I shall of course perform an electrical disruption of my pathways as penance."
 
"No! Kryten! Get a Starbug, borrow one with my authorisation and bring it to Blue Dwarf 288, home in on my signal. I need your help to bring Kochanski and Pancake back."
 
"Of course, sir, right away, just after I've completed refolding your underwear..."
 
"No, for smeg's sake, get some perspective, do it now! Then I'm having a look at your prioritisation protocols."
 
***
 
It was an hour before Kryten finally managed to procure a Starbug and a further two hours before it would land in Blue Dwarf 288's landing bay. In the meantime, Lester attempted to make Justin comfortable and waited for him and CK to come round...
 
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