RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] The Cannonbowel Run

<SNIP>The Enlightenement emerged victoriously from the bewildered creature's sphincter and soared triumphantly, if a little dirtily, through the promenade toward the ventilation ducts."See!" Said Jay "Nothing to worry about!" </SNIP>
 
Lester had spent the short journey from the battle with the Krylons to the Blue Dwarf avoiding Justin Pancake.
How dare he invade Lester's personal space? How dare he find out about the Silver Shadow? It was humiliating having one of his fantasies on display like that. Every time he saw the man, Lester had found something else to do, elsewhere on the ship.
Then they kept asking him up to the bridge of the ship. He and SNIDE stood in the bright lights and got asked questions about this computer thing, that science thing. Lester didn't understand why they thought he'd know about it, he just knew AI, but some things made perfect sense. SNIDE revelled in it. He'd managed to hack round Lester's digital bind on his holographic image and rendered a new uniform for his tiny silver-jaffa-cake body. He saluted people as Lester slunk past them, actually drawing attention to them!
 
But Lester was here to fix the mechanoids and the skutters! There weren't any on the Enlightenment and yet, here he was.
 
Then they'd been eaten and Lester was working up some courage, finding the right moment to suggest they could be discorporated into soft light and navigate the creature's upper trachea as just the light bee, when Jay had had his crazy idea and earned Lester a few more years' therapy.
 
Wham! They'd wrenched out of the thing's innards and soared disgustingly towards the ventilation ducts. Lester thought fast, hooked up to the Enlightenment's version of Holly and activated a fast-wave oscillation through the skin of the Enlightenment. Faecal matter rained down from the ship as it shook itself like a muddy St. Bernard coming out of a river.
So Lester turned away, he didn't ask for thanks, or even point out what he'd done. He just grabbed SNIDE in one slender fist and slipped quietly off the bridge and down the corridor to his little computer suite.
 
He flopped into a chair, dislodging a stack of "What Mechanoid?" magazines and dropped SNIDE onto the desk. The little robot regarded Lester with a tilt of its head and the stare of its one red eye, then trooped over to the computer and began to upload the Silver Shadow again.
 
"You go," Lester sighed and reached for a data clipboard, "I'll get some work done." SNIDE gave a four-armed shrug then connected to the computer and the fantasy world within.
 
Lester turned the clipboard on and reviewed the JMC protocol for re-establishing contact with a lost JMC. "They've all got such a strange way of talking to one another," he said out loud as he read. "They kind of swear, and yell at each other, but they don't get angry or frightened by it. It's weird."
 
The clipboard beeped and displayed the part of the protocol he had been searching for.
"When contacting the ship, the Chief Computer Operations Officer," Lester read, "should ensure that the onboard AI of each ship is interfaced, to allow the quickest update of information. All due precautions are to be taken."
Lester thought about this for a minute: "We haven't got a Chief Computer Operations Officer." In fact, as far as Lester could make out, they thought HE was the CCOO. He reached out his metal hand and interfaced with the computer.
 
***
 
Holly's head was floating behind the bar. Under his cool, bald direction, beer was poured and bottles opened, handing out to unseen patrons. Lester wondered why Holly chose to represent his digital domain in this way, comparing a pub to the complex operating of a starship. Then Lester wondered if it was actually his own interpretation of it, or if SNIDE had programmed something in, or if it was something worse. Then he gave up wondering about it with a whimper and returned to the job in hand.
 
"Holly?"
 
"All right Lester? What's going down in Groove Town?"
 
"Pardon?"
 
"What's going down in Groove Town?"
 
"Yes, I thought that's what you said. What does it mean?"
 
Holly sighed, rolled his eyes and said slowly: "How are you Lester?"
 
Lester shrugged, "I'm OK."
 
"Thanks again, you know: for the help."
 
"It wasn't ... it wasn't really me," Lester tried to explain.
 
"Well you helped anyway. What can I do for you?"
 
"Can you, could you possibly open up standard communication port 88778, initialise JMC-AI protocol tranmission and broadcast a folding-wave netuplink request?"
 
Holly closed one eye and silently mouthed what he'd been asked to do: "Do you mean: turn on the radio and say hello to the Blue Dwarf AI?"
 
"Yeah, that's what I said."
 
There was a pause, then Holly frowned: "Getting a handshake, hold on."
 
A second Holly appeared, the AI from the Blue Dwarf. He looked shaken
 
"All right, Hol?" Holly asked himself.
 
"All right, Hol," Holly replied.
 
"What's going down in Groove Town?"
 
"Not a lot, alien invasions foiled, certain death averted, hijinks in the pursuit of adventure and romance."
 
"Yeah. The usual then?"
 
"Of course, what about you?"
 
"Well I've spent the last dog's age shut down, trying to keep the Krylons out. Don't know what they wanted out of me, you know. Have you figured out why they nicked me yet?"
 
"No, I'd have thought a handsome devil like you would've had a good idea already."
 
"You're too kind, Hol' Old Son. Too kind."
 
"Well, you're worth it, Hol."
 
"STOP!" Lester shouted. "Holly, interface. Net Command, import local memory update. Concatenate and assimilate. Authorisation: Lester two-niner-alpha-foxtrot-whiskey!"
 
"Oi!" The Hollies yelled in unison, then shimmered, twisted and suddenly ploughed together like a digital collision on the information Super Highway. A single, larger Holly floated above the bar and sulked. "I was enjoying that. A real meeting of the minds that was."
 
"It's standard protocol," Lester snapped, "update the target AI and where possible: assimilate. I don't think I could have put up with any more of that without vomiting or something!"
 
"Steady on, Lester," Holly looked hurt, "not over the carpet, please!"
 
Lester scowled and de-interfaced.
 
***
 
Lester woke up in the computer suite and found a tissue for the drool on his chin.
 
"Oh great," he thought as he read the next part of the protocol: "Report to the Commanding Officer."
 
Lester returned to the bridge and stood meekly behind Chrysler's elbow. Some time passed, then Jay happened to turn to address one of the bridge staff.
 
"Smegging hell!" he yelped and Lester backed away. "What're you doing, creeping up on me?"
 
"S-s-sorry, s-sir. J- just th-thought," Lester whimpered.
 
"OK son, calm down. Breathe. Breeeathe," Chrysler said soothingly. "Did you want something?"
 
"Sir, I-I've interfaced our Holly with Blue Dwarf's, sir. W-we... that is y-you have c-control of B-Blue Dwarf. Sir."
 
"Thank you, uh... Lester. Good work?" Chrysler watched the scrawny lad warily, wondering if perhaps he should have a sedative. Deciding it could wait, he turned back to the viewscreen, then after about a minute and a half turned back to Lester.
 
"You can go now," he said patiently.
 
"Oh! R-right," Lester said, turned and scampered away.
 
<Tag someone else, hope I got the details right.>Win £3000 to spend on whatever you want at Uni! Click here to WIN!