LC Smegg - "Champion of the digital world"
VR Suite 11
Around the time when everyone else went on shore leave
Smegg didn't see any reason to go on shore leave. Anything he wanted to
do was right here on the ship. Sure, his parents might be glad to see
him, but would he be glad to see them? He didn't want to risk it. So
instead he decided to spend some time in the VR suite like many of the
other freaks & geeks were doing.
Looking through the list of programs he found one he hadn't tried before.
"Digi-Mon: Monster Quest" it said. "Experience a world of fascinating
digital monsters while you embark on the adventure of a lifetime!" Hmm.
Sounded like a cheap Pokemon ripoff. Still, might be worth a try. Smegg
put on a VR suit and booted up the program.
He found himself in a world filled with pastel colored trees (No! Not
again!) and cute music playing (Sounds like the music from Super Mario
World, he thought - guess there's only so much music to go around?).
Since there seemed to be nothing better to do, he walked over to one of
the trees and picked some fruit. Strange, mangoes don't usually grow on
palm tree -YOINK! The tree grew a face and pulled itself out of the
ground and ate Smegg.
Back in the VR suite, Smegg resolved not to be so stupid next time.
He found himself once again in the tree world, and looking for the
nearest exit, found a place that looked as if it didn't have as many
trees. Leaving the forest, he noticed an old man and woman wandering into
the woods.
"Don't go there!" Smegg warned them. "It's dangerous!"
"We know," the old woman said. "We've been there before. We're looking
for the 75th Master Control Spire. It's the last one we have to destroy
before all the Digimon will be free. Do you know where it is?"
"I saw a pointy thing over that way," Smegg offered.
"Yes! That's it" the old man exclaimed. "To the spire!"
At this a gigantic beast that Smegg hadn't noticed before woke up. He
hadn't noticed it because it was so gigantic it sort of blended in with
the distant mountains. It was a 60-foot-tall silver wolf wielding a
tomahawk and wearing platemail!
Smegg recoiled in fear. "Oh, don't worry," the old woman said. "That's
just Ultra-Mega-Hyper-Armor-Zordo-Kabuterimon."
"Ultra who?" He was still scared.
"Our Digimon friend. Oh, pardon, we forgot to introduce ourselves. I'm
Kari. And this is my brother Tai. We've been trying to free the Digimon
for 90 years. There used to be more of us, but they all died of old age.
(sniff)"
"Um, pleased to meet you. My name's Jason. I'm new here."
------------
Half an hour later
At the base of the spire
"Well, we're here," Smegg mentioned. "So how do you think we can get in?"
"Well," said Tai, "all the other spires had a sort of code on them that
we had to figure out in order to open the lock. But I suppose since this
is the last one, it will be something different. The question is, what?"
Just then, an even more enormous beast than the Ultra-whatever wolf
appeared from behind the spire. It was a robotic dragon, 300 feet tall.
"Grrr!" the dragon growled. "I am
Hyper-Mecha-Power-Deatho-Proto-Arthro-Dragomon, Guardian of the 75th and
final Master Control Spire! And I will destroy you, all of you!"
"Oh no!" Kari exclaimed. "Ultra-Mega-Hyper-Armor-Zordo-Kabuterimon, can
you Digevolve?"
"I'll try," the wolf growled.
======ULTRAMEGAHYPERARMORZORDOKABUTERIMON, DIGEVOLVE TO...=======
***********XEOULTRAMEGAHYPERARMORZORDOKABUTERIMON!!!**********
The world spun, letters and Japanese characters flashed in the air, Smegg
got dizzy and barfed (of course Tai and Kari were used to this), and the
wolf shot up in height to 350 feet and started giving off a throbbing
purple glow.
"Now, Xeo-Ultra-Mega-Hyper-Armor-Zordo-Kabuterimon, go!" Kari yelled.
The wolf breathed icy wind at the spire, hoping to knock it down, but
first it yelled "Wind of Justice!" The dragon heard this and jumped in
front of the spire, blocking the storm and looking not too worn out by
the attack.
"Is that all you can do?!" the dragon roared? "Doom's Fury!" Not only did
flame spew from its mouth, but searing energy bolts lashed from its
claws. The wolf was launched a quarter mile back by the assault.
"Wouldn't it be easier if they didn't announce their attacks ahead of
time?" Smegg inquired of Kari.
"Yes, I suppose it would," she replied, "but that's the rules of anime."
Then the wolf came bounding back. It zoomed by almost faster than the eye
could see, glowing in its purple energy, and only after it passed could
its cry be heard:
***********"SONIC BOOOOM!!!"****************
The dragon could not move fast enough as the raging wolf head-butted it,
sending the dragon flying high, high into the sky, until it disappeared
with a wink.
"Looks like Dragomon's blasting off again," Smegg commented.
"Huh?" Kari asked.
"WE'RE NOT POKEMON TRAINERS!!!" Tai yelled. "Now let's take care of this
spire. And stop that stupid 'Digimon digimon champions of the digital
world, digital friends to the boys and girls' music, whoever's always
playing it! We're not boys and girls anymore!"
"Right," Kari said. "Looks like our Kabuterimon is too tired to demolish
it, so we'll have to do it ourselves. Say, there's a door over here. Must
have opened when we defeated
Hyper-Mecha-Power-Deatho-Proto-Arthro-Dragomon."
-------------
Spire control room
10 minutes later
"Strange," Tai commented. "No booby traps or anything."
"Well, here goes," said Kari. "Initiating self-destruct sequence."
"Let's get out of here!" Tai grinned.
-------------
Back on the ground
Another 10 minutes later
The massive black structure just fell apart. No big explosions. Just fell
apart.
"We did it!" Tai yelled. "We freed the Digimon!"
"No," a voice said. "Your quest is not complete."
"What?!" Tai asked, incredulous.
"There are still many more adventures ahead of you, Digi-Destined. Next,
go to the --"
Tai cut off the voice. "Man, this SUCKS! I'm NOT putting up with this
"one more quest" business any longer! I've been at this job for 90 years
and what do I have to show for it? A hyper-evolved wolf monster and most
of my friends dead? I GIVE UP, you hear me? I GIVE UP!!!"
"Me too," Kari said.
The wolf beast growled softly (for a 350-foot wolf beast) at Tai.
"You MUST continue," the voice said. "It is your destiny."
"Destiny, schmestiny," Tai sputtered. "I'm through with this!" He pulled
a green device that looked like a Tamagotchi from his pocket and thew it
on the ground and smashed it. "There! No more Digivice, no more Digimon
for me!"
"Then I will have to FORCE you," the voice said. Slowly Tai and Kari's
limbs began to creak.
"No!" they shouted. "You can't do this! After all we've done for the
digital world!"
Smegg uneasily pulled his standard-issue Space Corps anti-proton pistol.
(strange, there was no such thing as a standard-issue Space Corps
anti-proton pistol...) "Would you like me to put you two out of your
misery?" he asked gingerly.
Tai and Kari contorted their mouths, trying to speak, as the unseen voice
gripped their bodies. "Y-y-yes," they finally managed to say.
"Then damn it, destiny, here's to human freedom!" Smegg shouted, and
blasted the poor old siblings into gamma-ray oblivion.
"You will pay for this!" the voice intoned.
Smegg didn't care; he just started firing randomly around into the air,
hoping to hit whatever oppressive creature was projecting its will and
its voice. Crimson-lavender bolts slashed through the air in every which
direction.
Then the voice took control of Smegg's body. He stopped firing... turned
the gun... pointed it at himself...
That was the last thing he remembered before coming panting back to
reality in the VR room.
He'd almost forgotten it was a "dream"!
Then a pretty female voice came on the intercom. "Lt. Cmdr. Smegg, Lt.
Cmdr. Smegg, there's some sort of problem with the warp core!"
Holly's voice followed. "Miss Madison, although I, as a computer, don't
technically outrank you, I would like to politely tell you to BUGGER
OFF!"
Smegg wondered what was going on as he headed for engineering, heart
still pounding from the excitement of the "game".
--------------------------
Coming up on Blue Dwarf: Holly vs. Ensign Madison, as the engine prepares
to explode while most of the crew are away, which would leave quite a
disappointment for those who actually planned on returning!
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Red: "Welcome to the antique roadkill portion of the show we call --"
Mike: "Yeah yeah can you go ahead and appraise this, I've got to meet
with my parole officer in 15 minutes!"
Red: "Okay, let me take a look at this... Mike, that's JUNK."
Dalton: "Not to mention, it's MY junk!"
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