When Ed met Jed - pt3

<flashback snip>
"Then good news!" Said Eddie. "I've got a good job for you. There's a
convoy coming past this planet in two days time carrying an ancient
Aztec statue called `The idol of Chantico' or something."
"Spare me the history lesson!" Said Jed, yawning.
"We're going to steal it!" Said Monsoon.
"What do you mean we?" Said Jed.
Eddie leaned across the table. "I'm your new pardner!"
Jed groaned.
<end snip> Who: Eddie Monsoon and Jed Calvert
Where: New Texas
When: about 10 years ago
Jed bounced up and down on top of his steed. Him and Eddie were riding
strange native alien creatures called "Crikawarian cattle" (or Crinkly
Bullocks for short). They were large lumbering beasts that trod very
awkwardly, making the ride a bumpy one.
"Ah's sho'nuff we could've picked a better choice of ride!" Jed said, bouncing around on top of the animal.
"The outpost has sensors that detect any type of vehicle approaching,
this is the best way!" Said Eddie, bouncing up on his own Crinkly
Bullock.
"Yeah, but why not good ol' horses?" said Jed.
"Ah sorry, I spent all our cash on booze last night, this is all we can afford." Said Eddie.
Jed scowled. He hated Eddie, which was such a double standard because
he spent enough of his own money last night on terrible moonshine and a
filthy Philippino hooker who only turned out to be a very convincing
male shapeshifter when he had woken up next to it in the morning. He
planned to kill anyone who found out about it.
The reached the outpost, which was a small spaceport in the middle of
the harsh dry dessert. Their plan was to get onboard a small transport
ship which was stealing the expensive "Idol of Chantico", a pure gold
Aztec statue.
They tied their beasts up at a building on the outskirts of the spaceport and backed up against the wall.
Being careful not to be seen, they dashed between buildings to the
"runway" section of the port. Jed peered around the corner of a
building.
"Ah see the bastard, there."
Eddie peered too. "Okay, we need to get onboard and off again quickly. I don't want to fight any guards with THIS hangover!"
Jed nodded in agreement and fingered his twin pistols. He saw Eddie had a large shotgun.
"Have any whiskey?" asked Ed the drunkard. "I'm parched!"
Jed looked at him for a second then nodded in agreement and got out a flask. "Yeah, I sure as hell weren't gonna do this sober!"
They both took a good swig of whiskey and readied their guns.
"Right, Ah see two guards there, two over there, three sniping and four in the ship protecting the loot."
"Okay, so are we gonna sneak around splinter cell style, steal the loot
from under their noses like thieves in the night?" Said Eddie.
"No, we're gonna go in there and twat people around a bit and steal their shit. "
Said Jed. Then in the same breath said "Chaaaaaarge!"
They were like a two-man army. The guards didn't even expect their
attack. Sure, they expected a well-put-together heist, and had been
trained to look out for thieves sneaking around in the shadows. They
had not however been prepared for two drunkards running in firing their
weapons like madmen.
Jed let out a blood curdling scream as he rolled over on his shoulder
and took out the snipers, then dived to the ground in what appeared to
be slow motion, shooting with his pistols at the shocked looking guards
protecting the transport ship.
Jed, being the wirey bundle of energy that he was, made it to the
transport ship faster than Eddie, who was jogging slowly behind, firing
off his shotgun at anything that broke and make the most damage rather
than at viable targets. He shot all of the windows out of the control
tower and looked very pleased at the damage he had done.
Jed dived into the small transport ship and began searching for the
idol. He began breaking open the wooden crates that had been stacked in
the ship, but they were all full of useless junk. Then he saw it, at
the back of the ship was a large glass cabinet with the Idol inside. It
was illuminated from the bottom, making the gold statue look
magnificent… and incredibly expensive.
Jed grinned and elbowed the glass, shattering it. "Ah'm gonna be
goddarn filthy rich!" he exclaimed. He grabbed the idol and ran outside.
Jed was on the runway, he looked around, the buildings around him all
had smashed windows and were covered in shotgun holes. Eddie had done a
good job of making a mess.
"I've got the booty pardner!" shouted jed across the runway. He started
to run to Eddie's position so they could get out of there, but suddenly
a glowing wall appeared in front of him.
Jed stopped in his tracks.
"It's a goddam forcefield!" He shouted. The forcefield had been put in
place by one of the guards, it was obviously a security measure to
protect the spaceships on the runway. It perfectly surrounded the
transport ship. Jed however was still inside and couldn't get out.
Jed touched the glowing wall. It sent a pulse of electricity down his
arm, through his body and into his pants. "Ooh." He said and did it
again.
Despite the sexual tingling, this forcefield was a really bad thing.
Jed was trapped and there was no way to turn it off from the inside.
Calvert was an independent kind of guy, he normally worked alone, and
didn't like to put trust in anyone else. As in his opinion, everyone
else was a cock.
At this moment however, he needed Eddie to help him. He called to him.
"Git me outta this hyar goddam prison pardner! Turn the forcefield off!"
But Eddie was surrounded by guards. He frantically tried to pick them
off as they approached him, but his head was spinning too much. "Time
for a quick top up." He said and quickly necked some moonshine in a
flask Jed had given him earlier. The booze gave him some extra
encouragement and he ran at some guards and knocked them over with some
flailing of limbs one might consider to be called "fighting".
It scared the guard back however long enough for him to jump into a
small jet fighter and power up the engines. The alcohol reaching his
brain now, driving a spaceship probably wasn't the best idea. But he
needed to escape.
He flew off in the ship, veering erratically to avoid the tall control
tower. In a few seconds he was gone. Leaving only a trail of engine
smoke spelling out the words "screw this I'm off for a pint."
Jed felt his blood boil. "You stupid cock!" He yelled out, banging his hands on the electrical forcefield that imprisoned him.
Less than a week later, Jed was in prison, scheming and calculating his revenge on Eddie Monsoon.------end of flashback-------
Who: Captain Jed Calvert and Father Eddie
Where: Shuttle wreckage, Mars
When: Now
Eddie picked up a battered tartan suitcase and leather holdall amongst
the wreckage, identified as his own, and put an arm around Jed.
"I've been assigned to the Blue Dwarf!"
Jed felt something in his head snap. It was like a small dark explosion
behind his left ear. What he did next was completely on impulse.
He pulled out a gun and shot Eddie's kneecap off.<tag Grant!>