Seymour in prison pt3

Who: Seymour Niples
Where: French prison
When: days later…
Seymour looked up from his duvet that he'd been crying into. His mind
had been playing tricks on him, earlier he was certain he'd seen some
low-level cretin from the Blue Dwarf being dragged past his cell.
But none of the sods had so far rescued him. He cursed them all,
especially Captain Calvert, who Seymour assumed had probably now just
left him for dead.
"Selfish headstrong oversexed bastard!" Said Seymour, "He only thinks
of himself! I'm a royal Ambassador for god's sake, I'm IMPORTANT! When
I was Captain I used to care about everyone on the crew… well… apart
from the third technicians… well ALL technicians. And the engineers.
And the computer programmers, and all those uncouth security thugs, oh
and the shopkeepers and the pilots, and the drive room crew, bloody
commoners the lot of them!"
There was a banging on his door and a prison guard came in.
"Bonjour Monsieur Niples, cleaning services."
Seymour plucked up. "Oh jolly good, I was wondering when you would
turn up, my suit needs a dry clean, DRY clean, low temperature, and
how am I supposed to wash? There's no shower and the hand basin is
incredibly tiny!"
The guard looked at him deadpan. "Non monsieur, I am here to wash YOU."
"What?"
"Occording to ze prison regulations, prisoners are required a shower
per week. Zis is the French norm."
"Bloody stinky French!" said Seymour.
"Alzo… our planet has a very serious infection monsieur Niples, ze
Poulet virus which we believe YOUR ship has infected us with is
turning our fellow Frenchmen into poultry, so to try and stop the
spread of zis virus we are washing all our prisoners now TWICE a week!"
"Oh jolly good! I let me get my shower cap and just give me a sponge!"
Seymour said excitedly.
The guard did not believe his enthusiasm. "You are aware zo monsieur
that as your ship let our oil pipeline get destroyed, we have no fuel
to heat the water. Your shower will be cold… And communal."
Seymour brought his hands up to his face and screamed.
----5 minutes later----
Seymour struggled as the two guards dragged him out of his room and
down the corridor. The same was happening to other prisoners but at
this time he was only concerned with getting away.
"No, no, this is barbaric! I do NOT want to shower with other men! I'm
a Royal Ambassador… it's just not done!"
He was then picked up by the guards and they quickly and painfully
pulled off his shoes, then with clinical precision ripped off his
trousers and shirt. All the time he was struggling against it,
shouting, screaming, and even biting.
In just his underpants he was pushed into a draughty room with a damp
tile floor, the cold tiles made his feet numb and his bare skin shiver.
Seymour felt a sudden shock to his system that made him want to vomit
when he found himself faced with several naked inmates.
It was at that surreal moment, which was now the most bizarre time of
his life, when he turned around to see Eric Lustbader from the Blue
Dwarf – that the guards quickly whipped down his pants.
An awkward moment that seemed like an eternity passed as he and Eric
stood naked, facing each other, their eyes never wandering below
shoulder height.
"Hi." Eric said.
"Hello." Said Seymour.
Another moment passed as the two really struggled to say anything to
break the eternal awkwardness of this moment.
"Hi." Said Eric again.
"Hello." Said Seymour.
Before another moment passed they instantly found themselves screaming
due to the torrents of ice-cold water that was being hosed over them.
<Tag?!>