I fart in your general direction

Eric Lustbader was making sure the armoury records were in order, and
in a way the French could understand. Just as soon as he had them all
ready for inspection, he stepped away from his computer and a bunch of
french commandos burst into the armoury with weapons at the ready.
"Here are all of the documents regarding the weapons on board." Eric
said in French, while gesturing towards the computer terminal.
The French commando's didn't move, but trained their guns on Eric.
"Um, here are the documents you want." Eric tried his French again.
The French soldiers still didn't flinch. Eric tried his French for a
third time.
"You fool," replied the French commander in near perfect English, "you
do not understand."
Some fo the soldiers advanced on him with batons, while the rest kept
their guns trained on him.
"Do not move, or you will die." the Commander informed Eric needlessly.
Eric braced himself for the impact, and the last words he heard was on
of the French soldiers.
"Your mother was a pigdog and your father smelled of elderberries."
<ooc: Eric has been kidnapped by the French. How long will it be until
anyone notices? Probably until the French are long gone...>