Jed Calvert - "Captain of a doomed ship" pt1

Who: Jed Calvert, Captain of the JMC Fools Gold
Where: In the fleet
When: As the Hymenoptera attack
Jed Calvert strolled his bridge. His spurs made jangling noises as he
walked.
Having no horse in space, it made absolutely no point for him to wear
spurs on a spaceship. But Jed thought it made him look hard. And he'd
always thought that if anyone invaded them, he would be able to do
more damage with a kick.
The mutinous comm. Officer he'd shot an hour ago had been taken to
sickbay. The man would be alright, although Jed couldn't really care
less. He'd offered to go down and pour neat liquor into his bullet
wound for a laugh but the chief medical officer wouldn't let him.
The JMC Fools Gold lined up with the rest of Earth's last defence,
just as the first wave of Hymenoptera ships broke off and engaged them.
"Here we go, yeee haw!" Called out Jed and did a lasso motion in the
air. "Ahm gonna bag me the Queen of these here Hymenoptera and ride it
bareback `til it regrets messin' with us humans!"
"Actually sir…" said a girl pilot in front of him. "The leader is a
man named Jay Chrysler."
"Chrylser eh?" Said Jed. "Hell, I `aint gonna ride no man bareback!
Whuddya thunk I am, gay? Who ever heard of a gay cowboy?"
"Never seen Brokeback Mountain?"
"Get off my bridge!" Jelled Jed at the pilot and she walked out,
hanging her head in shame.
Jed took the flight controls himself. "Yeeeeeeehaaaaw! Nah, keep
shooting at everything until we get their mothership in sights, and
then I've got a nice little surprise for them in mah cargobay!"
<To be continued…>