The Perks of Being a Smartass

I limped along being pulled by my companion pouring all I had of my will to not collapse or black out. I could feel the warmth of the bloodsoaked fabric pinned to my side, as I was half dragged, half carried along.

With a light cough, I tasted the metallic tang of blood in my mouth, and spat. “Can’t say this is how I expected to die.”

“And how exactly did you expect to die, Azar?” Sera asked, adjusting my weight against her.

I thought for a moment feeling the stabbing pain of the arrow in my flank. “Frankly I expected to die, suffocated at the bottom of a pile of beautiful naked people.”

I watched Sera roll her eyes in that way that she wanted me to notice.

“What can I say…I’m a man who knows what he wants.” I started to chuckle but felt a spike of pain rattle my insides, feeling Sera lurch forward to up her pace and pull me back from falling. “Note to self…do not laugh.”

“What lesson did you learn today, hmm?” I heard her ask me facetiously.

“Not to insult a female ranger who is adept with a bow?” I responded matching Sera’s tone.

She shook her head, “Well colour me impressed, you learned half the lesson this time.”

“Don’t insult a female ranger who is adept with a bow and is more than willing to use it.” I added. “Especially when she is already aiming at you.”

“No.” Sera said, “Don’t sleep with their partner THEN insult them.”

“First of all, I didn’t know they were romantic partners and not business partners, Secondly…” I started, but Sera cut me off.

“Spare me the explanation, Azar.” Sera said, “You always have some distorted excuse for why you feel it's necessary to do the things you do and why being this injured isn't a big deal because it’s your own fault. Why don’t you just skip the injury and not do the stupid thing?”

I laughed again, feeling that pain. “Where’s the fun in that? Besides, you can’t really learn a lesson without a teaching moment.”

Sera let out a little exasperated sound “Azar…you are incorrigible you know that right?”

“And you wouldn’t have it any other way.” I retorted,

“Do you WANT me to drop you? Because don't you for a second think I won’t.”

I winced, “I’d really rather you didn’t do that. You know, considering the arrow and all.”

“Then be more respectful and less sarcastic.” Sera said. “Next town isn’t far. This time could you not make trouble before you get this fixed?”

“I can make no such promises, but I can promise to try.” I said, to which I was rewarded with a jostle from Sera. “Ow…okay fine…fine. I promise, just don’t do that again.

Sera let out an approving sound, but said nothing, just fixing her position to keep Azar moving. They’d been through this area enough times to know where the town was and how far it was, but with Azar’s height compared to hers, and his pace slowing the more blood he lost it would be a Hells of a walk, and she hoped he stay conscious because there was no way she could drag him along.

“Hey.” Araz said, seeming to be hearing her thoughts. “If I die. Please don’t let the animals eat my body.” he let out a pained chuckle. “I know I’ve been called a piece of shit before but I don’t think that’s what they meant.”

Sera paused for a moment pretending to think, letting a smile cross her tips teasing Azar. “Well…then there goes that plan, okay dealer's choice. Bury you in a somewhat deep but low effort grave or…” she rocked her head to gesture to the axe slung across her back I make you easy to carry size.”

“Well…” he said, dragging it out. “If those are my choices I pick Option C…” Azar said, “You don’t do either, and just make sure I don’t die.”

“I can make no such promise.” Sara said, in a very mocking impersonation of Azar’s voice.

Azar scoffed. “I’m pretty sure that’s my line.”

They dragged their feet down the path mostly in silence save for a few times Sera started to hum something, pause and start over like she was working out a melody. Eventually as the sun rose over the distant hilly landscape they arrived at the small town of East Bend, named for the sizable creek that bent…well east just outside of town on its way to connect to a larger river farther up stream.

TBC