Knowing What We Want
Plans had been made the other day at the pizza thing that Dawn, April, Zander, and Riley would go to dinner together Friday night. Zander had been paired with Kaylee from the auction so ending their day early wasn’t a problem for either of them. Dawn, April, and Riley had just let their respective minions go early as well.
Dawn thought April always looked great but she looked especially nice with her makeover and more confident, which was nice to see.
They decided to go to a restaurant that Riley knew about, which made sense, as Dawn, April, and Zander were still fairly new. So, they arrived at Bello, Italiano, a more upscale Italian restaurant. The outside of the restaurant was brick with little white rod iron tables and chairs, resembling the type of tables you’d see at a bistro or cafe. The inside, however, looked closer to Tuscany with large photos of rolling hills, plants, and a slightly more rustic look, giving a sense of outside northern Italy being brought inside and to California.
April had rarely been to restaurants this nice; while there were plenty of them in Chicago, which was only a short train ride away from her home, these places weren’t the kind she could have afforded to go to nor was the area she was from known for having people with money.
Her time at the school, while short, had been eye-opening in many ways. She had met people, both nice and not so nice, with more money than she could fathom. She had made more friends than she had ever had before. She had met Zander; one of the first people she had met. He was one of the smartest people at the school but he only bordered on being a nerd, but then she met Riley who wasn’t a nerd at all but enjoyed some of the same things. She had learned that some families are dysfunctional in ways she couldn’t have imagined before.
All of this she kept in two places, her mind, and her locked diary. April never put names in her diary because she preferred to be safe rather than sorry. What if someone found it and read it: She was a writer, she kept a journal, it was good practice and it was possible that someday those people she meets or things she experiences will be in a book, in her own version of events and characters, she wanted to write fiction, after all.
And there was Dawn, the girl that had changed her world, the girl that had made her realize things about herself she knew were true. They had always been true, those things, but now she felt sure about them. Dawn could make her heart race and her head spin. It was a strange yet amazing feeling. She had never felt before the way she felt about Dawn. She wanted to hold the girl in her arms forever.
Dawn had never been one to shy away from her feelings about people. She had liked April since the moment they had met, that first day of school…..
(Flashback to day one)
Dawn’s parents had sent her stuff ahead of time, anything else she might need could be sent later. She opened the door to the dorm room and looked around. One side of the room held unopened boxes and tubs, her side of the room. The other side held a neatly made bed with a flowered quilt and matching pillowcases. A teddy bear with a Cub’s t-shirt on; making the girl wonder if her roommate was a fan of the baseball team or was there another reason for it as there seemed to be nothing else with anything sports-related on that side of the room. A laptop, about 3 years old, from what Dawn could tell (Zander’s influence). A few posters; one of Chicago.
One of a fantasy scene with trees, a river, and a stone-type village on a mountainside that read “Visit the Elves in Historic Rivendell”. A reference to the works of JRR Tolkien. That didn’t tell Dawn much, as Tolkien's work was popular with many different people but it did have evidence of at least some sense of humor. The girl was possibly a fan of fantasy novels or maybe just a fan of the movies.
The last poster had the background of a lake leading to a rocky shore and the quote. “Make no judgments where you have no compassion,” and the credit to Anne McCaffery. While Dawn didn’t know the quote she knew the author as her brother had read a number of her books. Another fantasy writer.
However, none of that struck Dawn as surprising or gave her much of a clue, what gave her more of a clue was the bookshelf that sat above the desk actually had books on it. Not textbooks, no these were real books most bound in soft covers but there were two which were hardback. Fictional books that people read. Almost all the books were fantasy, except there was a copy of Dune and another of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. This made Dawn wonder if she might be living with someone with similar interests to her brother. That wouldn’t be bad at all, really.
She unpacked a few items from her boxes, at least enough to make her bed, and as she was doing that she heard the doorknob turn and she turned to see who was coming in the door. There before her stood a pretty girl, 5’3, with red hair which was pulled back into a ponytail. The girl looked at Dawn with her brown eyes and said, nothing, absolutely nothing. Actually, she seemed almost scared to say anything at all.
Dawn figured she’d start, “Hi, I’m Dawn. I guess you're my roommate.”
April just stood there for another moment completely speechless, then finally said, in a voice that was the quietest one Dawn thought she had ever heard, “Um...hi...I’m...I’m April.”
Dawn being Dawn gave the girl a friendly, welcoming smile and said. “It’s nice to meet you. You’ll have to forgive my side of the room as it might take me a few days to get unpacked.” April was still quiet but quiet was never a problem Dawn had and so she just kept up the conversation. “I saw your posters. Are you from Chicago?”
April looked down and shuffled her way over to the bed and sat down. “Yes, well a suburb anyway.”
When April had opened the door she had known that her new roommate would be there; as the office had informed her of that. What she hadn’t expected to find was a beautiful girl about an inch taller than herself with red hair and the most amazing blue eyes. She hadn’t expected to feel anything for her roommate but the sudden attraction that fell over her had been a surprise and left her bewildered and speechless.
Dawn wasn’t the first girl April had been attracted to but she certainly was the first girl to have that feeling wash over her at first sight. April found Dawn to be beautiful, friendly, and apparently good at holding a conversation (she’d find out later that might have been an understatement). April though was unsure about her feelings or really about any of it, she didn’t know what to do.
Dawn and April thought back to that first day and their meeting. Dawn had been attracted to April upon meeting her and, once she got April to open up to her more, she found April to be interesting, kind, and pretty amazing in her own way.
The two were sitting next to each other as they ordered their drinks along with Zander and Riley who sat across from them. The four of them had decided to get two appetizer samplers so everyone could try some.
All four of them looked over the menus and decided what they wanted. April’s hand reached out for Dawn’s, under the table, as Dawn’s reached for hers and the two met in the middle. They smiled at each other as if they had been privy to some secret just between the two of them.
One Zander and Riley’s side of the table; their hands were also intermingled. It seemed like the hand-holding and looks the couples were giving each other were replacing actual conversation until Zander spoke up and said, “So, this place is really nice.”
Which Dawn and April agreed with. The place was very nice and the food they could see arriving at the other tables looked extremely appetizing.
Zander and Riley had spent time talking last night and they had shared a few kisses. They talked about a few different things but Riley was still holding back something. There was something she knew she needed to tell Zander before they started officially dating, which she felt was fast approaching, but she had no idea how to.
Zander almost couldn’t believe this was happening to him. Riley, a beautiful, great girl, liked him. That they were sitting in a restaurant together talking and spending time with his sister and her date. He was glad things were working out for Dawn and April but, to be honest, his focus was more on Riley.
The appetizers came and they all split them. While the other three just put their food on their plates, in no particular order or thought to it. Riley was specific about where the food went on her plate and in what order she ate it in. The ritualistic eating patterns and getting past having “safety foods” seemed to be the hardest things for her to completely overcome. While her issues were mostly under control, she was actually doing really well in her recovery, this just seemed to be things that lingered with her the most. It was only, though, noticeable to two kinds of people. The ones that already knew about her eating disorder or the ones she ate a lot. Part of the reason why she didn’t eat with one group of people, all the time, was because she knew people would notice. The other part, of course, was that she had friends in multiple groups. This was also the reason she knew she’d have to tell Zander, Zander was smart, he’d eventually notice but also starting any kind of relationship with that kind of secret wasn't something she wanted for Zander or herself.
The appetizers were very good and soon enough eaten. Then it was on to dinner. Other than hand-holding and the occasional touch of their date's leg there wasn’t really another touching going on. They talked about the boardwalk party and their plans for Sunday. Dawn noticed how happy and perfect for each other Riley and Zander seemed. She was happy for her brother.
Dinner progressed to dessert and coffee and then the four went back to the school. There was still time before curfew so Zander and Riley decided to take a walk and Dawn and April went back to their room.
Dawn opened the door to their room and followed April inside. She sat down on her bed and patted the seat next to her. “Come sit by me.”
April sat down, next to Dawn. She felt Dawn’s hand on her leg, she had no reason left to worry or wonder about any of this or about her she leaned in close to Dawn and kissed her. A soft gentle kiss but it was the first real romantic shared between the two and the first romantic kiss April had ever experienced.
Dawn smiled and then leaned forward a little more, kissing April again, this time with more passion and longer, so much longer. When they came up for air they were both out of breath.
April smiled at Dawn. “I’m ready.”
Dawn raised a brow, “ Ready?”
April took a deep breath, “I’m ready to come out. I’m ready to date you. I want to date you, I don’t think I've ever wanted anything more.”
Dawn bit her lip and kissed the girl again. “You sure? There is no putting that genie back in the bottle, once it's out there.”
April nodded, “Yes, I know. I’m sure.” She paused. “I want to say it to you first.”
Dawn smiled and waited patiently for April to make her declaration.
April said, “I’m a Lesbian.”
Dawn was happy, she was happy for herself but, even more so, she was happy for April. For April finding herself. Even if April had decided not to date her she would have been happy for her roommate. She hugged April and said, “I’m so happy for you.”
April then said, “I need to tell my mom next. I need to call her. Then I guess there are other things we need to talk about.”
Dawn nodded. “Go ahead, call your mom. Do you want me to leave?”
April shook her head. “No, you can stay.”
As April called her mom, Dawn thought about what this meant. They’d have to split up as roommates, the school would never let them live together. Dawn didn’t want to keep it a secret; that was too complicated and things had a way of coming out anyway. She figured they could put off telling the school until Monday but not beyond that. As for their friends, well, she would guess Kyle and Justin might be the first to hear, after Zander of course, as they couldn’t tell everyone at the birthday party, just too much going on. And they didn’t need it getting around until they wanted it to.
April got off the phone with her mom.
“How'd it go?” Dawn asked.
April responded, “She said she loved me and supported me. I think she already knew.”
Dawn breathed a laugh, “Yeah, parents have this weird way of knowing things like that.”
April sat back down on the bed next to Dawn and Dawn said, “Well, if we’re now dating and you won’t be my roommate soon. I think we take advantage of the time we have.” She moved up by the pillows on her bed, getting April to follow her and the two fell into a deep kiss.
**************
Zander was better than happy. He had an amazing girl holding his hand and they had walked down the path to the bridge that went over the lake. Riley really wanted to spend more time with Zander, she wanted to make this night last longer. Standing there facing each other, their hands touching, they kissed. Just moments shared between the two of them. They stayed like that for several minutes before heading back to the school.
When they got to the school they walked in, hand in hand, and gave one more kiss before heading to their rooms.
On the way to her room, she passed some of the girls talking about how they saw Courtney and Conner go out to dinner together. Riley had to take a deep breath and not start laughing when the girls started to wonder how many girls Conner had. They all knew about Kaylee and Conner's date on the last day of the beach trip, some of them had thought they had seen Conner with Blossom at the beach party. Now, they had seen him go out on a date with Courtney. They also now knew that Conner had been won by Alex on top of anything else they had been made aware of. The speculations were flying around the dorm.
Riley got to her dorm room and she started laughing. She had known Conner and Courtney for years, she was well aware that they were best friends so any speculation to anything else was comical. Or maybe it was just the imagination of the girls that seemed so ridiculous she had to laugh.
A while later, she got a text from Courtney saying she had news. Riley and Courtney then exchanged news about their evenings. As the texts ended and Riley scrolled through her phone she came across pics from the last school year, what a difference a few months had made. Things were certainly getting more interesting by the day.