Niples "Forming a new leader"

Who: Seymour Niples, the Queen, various politicians
Where: Titan
When: A day after Earth was destroyed
Seymour had taken a Starbug to Titan, where the remaining leaders
and politicians of the Human race had gathered to discuss the future.
He had taken the Queen along, as she was also an important
figurehead, or rather she was supposed to be. She only really turned
heads because she was in that FHM shoot a while ago.
Politicians and heads of nations had gathered in one room, which
looked like a UN conference room. The types of politicians that were
there were varied, some were more important that others. The
President of Ganymede was there, as was the Prime Minister of Titan,
but next highest-ranking was the Earth Minister of caravans and the
much obese Minister of Chocolate.
"Is this really the best the Human race now has?" Seymour whispered
to the Queen next to him.
The politicians were bickering, and the madam speaker quietened them
all down to speak one at a time.
"We have lost thousands of years of history and culture! This
saddens me deeply of course, but we now need to tackle the real
issues of…. Where will we start producing chocolate now?" said the
Minister of Chocolate.
Someone else stood up.
"Surely the real issue is where will everyone live? The Earth
survivors are all on ships desperately fleeing the area, fearing the
Hymenoptera will catch them. Where will they settle? All of our
colonies are already bursting to the brim with refugees, and others
refuse to take on asylum seekers!"
"What?! These aren't asylum seekers wanting to sponge off the
government and NHS… this is the entire population of Earth we're
talking about!" outbursted Seymour.
"What about the much prestigious colony of Epsilon Buckingham Spa
II? A place so exclusive that you can only move there by invitation
… We can't just let a whole load of refugees from …I dunno… the
rougher areas of Liverpool go and settle there can we? It would
completely ruin the ethos of the colony."
"Good point." Seymour sympathised with this theory, he hated chavs
more than anyone. "Maybe we could give all the refugees a test, see
which they would prefer, a brand new Burberry cap, or a bottle of
Caymus 2002 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, and then sod the
Burberry lovers?"
There were a few nods around the room.
Queen Brittany stood up in disgust. "Don't you see you're gambling
with people's lives here! Everyone has a right to -"
"-Quiet Brittany or we'll put all the scouser refugees in your
palace on Epsilon Buckingham Spa II" said Seymour. The Queen
immediately shut up and sat down.
Madame speaker brought them onto the next topic of the adgenda.
"The President of Earth was killed during the attack, so we need a
figurehead to speak for and make decisions the entire human race."
Seymour looked over at the Prime Minister of Titan next to him who
was asleep. He nudged him. "Wake up, this is important!"
The man opened his eyes and fell back to sleep.
The President of Ganymede stood and spoke. "I have been thinking
about this greatly…the job is far too great for a man like me, and
my devotion is needed on Ganymede… But I can recommend another, and
the man I recommend for the position is in this room."
Seymour looked around. Apart from the sleeping Prime Minister of
Titan, everyone else was a washed up useless looser. Apart from
himself of course. Then it dawned on him… what if the President was
going to choose him!
"…This man has much experience with leadership…"
Seymour stood up straight in his chair. He had of course headed the
Blue Dwarf after the infinitely stupid Captain Cannon blew himself
up.
"…This man has great experience with dealing with the Hymenoptera,
and knows how they think…"
Seymour smiled, the Blue Dwarf had encountered the Hymenoptera more
than any other ship. And he himself had been connected to the hive
mind.
"…This man has good ties with the Royal family…"
Seymour bit his lip. He was the only Royal Ambassador here.
"I declare, the leader of the Human race to be………"
Seymour wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"…..This potato."
"What?!" Shouted Seymour.
The President of Ganymede just laughed and danced around the room
with the potato.
"Experience? Royal Links?" asked Seymour.
"Well, its father was a King Edward!" Said the mad President.
Seymour was about to quiz the man more but the Queen held him
back. "Don't waste your efforts Seymour, it looks like the man is
quite mad."
"But he's the President of Ganymede!"
"He's also dancing around the room in a pink frock singing to a
baked potato. President or not, he's quite quite mad."
Seymour sighed. "I really thought I'd have made a good politician."
Queen Brittany looked at his boring stuffy clothes. "Yes, so do I".